Through the lens: looking at Masculine ideas
I’ve never questioned my sexuality, the first time I ever had a crush on a girl I was probably 7 years old. At that age I didn’t know the existence of homosexuality but I never saw guys as attractive beings. My eyes were fixed upon this female neighbour of mine and I didn’t know why but I liked her. That I can count as my first realisation that I was straight; I was never worried about how I looked either, never compared my body to anyone; it never bothered me that most my male friends were muscular and I wasn’t, I was always worried more about speed and health, I wanted to be fit, not muscular. I was never worried about my penis size either, it never bothered me that my little brother had a bigger penis than mine, when my friends spoke of penis sizes I was never de-emasculated to be part of the group that didn’t have bigger penises; somehow it was just the way it was.
I grew facial hair when I was pretty young; I was told it’s biological. I always appeared older than I was, I am not sure it made a difference to me but I enjoyed the idea of people thinking I was older than I actually was. These are all considered to be masculine ideas, what makes a man, strong, attractive, penis size, beard and other nonsense.
I have recently begun a project, photography project. In my hope the final product of this project will be a book of nudity and poetry. I am intrigued by bodies, all type of bodies; I am a dancer after all. I am intrigued by male and female bodies, the structure, texture, physicality, perception I could go on and on. So I want to take pictures of naked bodies. I believe in the statement “you are only free when you are naked and alone”….naked body provides freedom. I would like to tap into that freedom through the lens of the camera. In the naked body there is sense of full self. At least that is my perception of the matter, yet I have met a wall, a barrier.
I cannot seem to find male models; it seems more females than males are comfortable in letting me take photos of their nudity. My male artist/friends absolutely cannot do it, I can see the fear and the discomfort in their eyes and body as I remotely suggest that I want to take a picture of their naked bodies. Why is this? What is wrong? It’s just a picture mate
It seems men are more comfortable taking pictures of their muscles in the gym, flexing and showing off but the idea of showing butts and all is NO? I am not suggesting full penis showing pictures just the male bum at least….still NO? Why? It would seem, correct me if I am wrong but it is a perception that I have, men have been struck deep with this fear of homosexuality, it runs so deep really. Okay let’s hold that thought, what exactly is the issue? The idea of being naked in front of the camera? Yet men love the idea of making porn videos? It doesn’t make sense. So it goes back to homosexuality; there is such a deep embedded fear of being seen or stigmatised as gay that strikes straight men right at their heart. Is it not enough that you know that you are not gay? That you are attracted to females? No? Yes?
Perhaps I am being unfair, I can be gullible when it comes to sexually related things I mean I have no problem walking around naked in front of anyone, I do not do it because I know it would people feel uncomfortable. Men have a problem being naked around other men, while most women strive on such freedom. I am angry, I am angry at men, I am angry at my ability to understand why men are afraid to be naked, I am angry at why men don’t want to be photographed naked. If women can accentuate their naked physical bodies what is stopping us men from doing the same? I have a lot to say about this issue, I could write a 10 000 words essay about it.
On the other hand gay males strive at the idea of being photographed naked… one of my gay male friends cannot get enough of this project. Why is it so? Photographing all homosexual males would defeat the point of my project so I cannot do that… but I seriously want to know why?
I am curious to hear opinions about this, am I too gullible? Do I lack understanding? Am I weird? What is so scary?