Why are you doing what you do??

One of the disadvantages of growing up not wealthy or rich is as a young black person there are a lot of things you grow up being good at or liking that you are told to stop DOING because you’ll never make a living or money out of it. It is a sad truth isn’t it? That our parents, our society and our education is structured in a way that forces us to believe that our passions will not take us anywhere, even if it can, another hurdle of sad truth is if your skin is still dark as mine you will have a hard time breaking through your industry.

There is however a hard marble to swallow.

WHO GIVES A FUCK?

It is time you get that passion back, you know that passion that made you come back late everyday at home; that passion that made you forget you hadn’t eaten the whole day or that passion that made you go “Damn. It’s 9o’clock in the evening already”. That is a passion Chris Rock calls “A career” a passion the young you had that you seemed to have lost or forgotten about or forced to cement down

This blog is about how over the years I have gained an advantage in what I do. Why I believe I keep getting better at what I do. The foundation to my success lies on the reason WHY I do what I do. I do what I do because I am keeping THE CHILD IN ME ALIVE.

The reason I do the things I do, is because I am keeping my young self alive through my adult self. How so you ask?

If I can be honest now as an adult, I was a naughty little shit head. That is a truer story as it can be. I was naughty because I was curious about a lot of shit; If I saw a sign that said danger, I took it as a challenge. If Barney Stinson didn’t coin the phrase challenge accepted, I swear I did when I was young.

If I was told No, don’t do that, I did it because I wanted to know what is going to happen if I did. I was curious and adventurous, it amazes me sometimes why I am not dead, but I was meant to live. I remember one time my cousin and I were walking in this veld, its like a small jungle its bigger than it sounds especially for young kids. We saw this older guy, jump from a branch tree and he slowly descended to where he was going using the branch!!! like TARZAN. He did it with such ease. I was like fuck, that is so cool. I wanna do it, so I got my cousin to agree to do it with me. We went there, now the distance from the tiny hill to the tree was quite far, the distance to the ground was even further. However, my mind was solely focused on achieving the feat. With my cousin behind me, I heaved back and forth, calculating my jump. Then I decided it was jumping time, unfortunately, my cousin had also decided it was jumping time. I jumped grabbed the branch, my cousin simultaneously jumped, did not grab the branch instead grabbed my whole body, the weight was a little bit heavy for young me. I let go of the branch the instant I grabbed it, down we went. I landed and he followed on top of me. I still cannot calculate til this day, how he landed on me and not me on him. The matter although is that, we fell, got hurt, I swear to you, I wanted to go again until I go it. My cousin however was not interested, I mean we almost died.

FUCK DEATH MAN! I said, well not in those words, my words were more calling him a pussy then FUCK DEATH!

My cousin did not see what I saw, I saw a challenge that needed to be conquered, someone else was able to achieve this physical feat that required a jump and grab mechanism. A small fall was not going to stop me. So, I went back again

I was able to achieve the feat in my third attempt.

I have never stopped being curious at the age I am in now. I challenge myself daily to do and go beyond.

When I was young, probably most young people will relate. I was introduced to martial art through VCR. I was hooked, like everybody else, after every film I’d go outside and replicate what I had seen, the only difference is when everybody else stopped, finding the things to difficult or got interested in something else, I did not. I continued to try and flip, walk on walls and spin in the air. I was curious, someone else did it, so can I, I got injured but WHO GIVES A FUCK

As an adult I did learnt that some of the stunts are done through manipulation and wires, but that’s some, means there are some that are real. I think it was the same thing that drew me to math when I was young. People believed it was difficult, maths provided problems that needed solving. Sometimes it gave you answers and tells you to arrive at the answer using this equation. I was curious to know how I can get to the answer.

Currently, I am an artist, curiosity is what still drives me forward. I am keeping that little boy in me alive by being curious. I attempt things, I fail at them and attempt them again, if I cannot repeat the feat like how I saw it, I create my own way of doing it. That idea has become my way of creating art and work, understanding that there are many ways to solve a problem or in this matter there are many ways to achieve what you want.

A lot of people do not know what they want, a lot of us just do things because we don’t really have anything else to do; we get ourselves into situations that really don’t lead us to the path we want. Isn’t that just scary? To do something you don’t find joy in? I could never do that. I would like to believe everything I get myself into is creating/paving a way to where I want to be at the end.

I am an artist, and I know the stereotype, I mean we all know the stereotype don’t we. It’s even worse for a black child isn’t it? We are scolded for doing this art thing because we will never amount to anything in this world with it. Unfortunately, sometimes it is true, a lot of us “ARTIST” amount to nothing. Our parents tell or force us to become the things we do not want to be. Our parents are scared for us, I have come to understand, but why are you scared? Why have you thrown yourself in the art business but still not believe in it? I have watched so many of my friends and associates that I have trained not become artist because in this world if you don’t earn, you are nothing!

It fuckin’ hurts.

I’ll be honest, I am scared too, sometimes I sit, I read, I sulk, and I cry. I spent my time doing all that because I wonder at the back of my mind if at the end, I’ll amount to nothing as my society always says? I wonder if what I do is worth it? I think of all of this but at the end I think there is nothing else I ever want to do except this!!! This art of mine is my field of curiosity. Art is like a box with a question mark? I am nervous every time I open it because I know whatever is inside, I will fuckin’ love it and explore it. The question mark provides a challenge, I could sit wondering what is inside and create these infinity scenarios just on a box with a question mark.

I have not stopped being curious, I wake up everyday wondering what’s new that my body can learn? What crazy story will I read that I can expand? What will I watch that will boggle my mind to wonder? I am curious about people, events and ideas, sometimes I cannot help it.

We will meet a lot of struggles in this life, I mean a lot, but we adapt, we change no matter how small, we learn, and we grow. I can tell you now though that you will live the most horrible life you’ve ever imagined if you’re doing something you don’t love and that doesn’t make your mind explode with wonder when you do it. I explode with wonder every time I create, whether be dance work, theatre work, writing, video or poetry, as the great Sherlock Holmes said in these things I am in my atmosphere. I can tell you now that I was never good at all these artistic things I am talking about, I am still not great at them, I struggle at times, I mean a lot, I hit the ground in madness and frustration but I can tell you now that my curiosity, my wonder drives me forward, it keeps me afloat, keeps me calm and tells me

“Fucking calm down and find a way to get it!”

AT the end, only you can get you better at what you do but understanding why. If you dont know what I mean read SIMON SINEK’s START WITH WHY

 

 

 

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