Can one exist without the other: Being faithful vs. Being loyal? (The nginithanda nobabili Complex)

What is our capacity to love? How many people can we say we ‘love’ them and feel utterly satisfied? If one relationship ends and another one builds, who can you say you loved more? But this blog post is not that complicated, these are just side thoughts that I want you as reader to dwell on while reading. As we read, we will slowly be trying to unravel some answers to those questions.

This reading has been at the back of my mind for a long time; what made me begin to write it today, was that I bumped into a status online that read “Even though you were sleeping with married men, do you still wish/pray for a faithful husband?” To be fair we will substitute men with (partner) because let’s be honest to ourselves people, the world is not as clean as it looks, we kinda all have skeletons in them closets.

The statement got me thinking about relationships, specifically two things related to relationships ‘Being faithful vs. being loyal’

What do these words mean? Can one exist without the other? In relationships should we consider these as separate, because there’s that human thing in all of us that yearns? Is it possible to choose one? Which amongst the two hurts more? There are so many questions just for one mind, so at the end, you better have an opinion too.

Let’s break down the two words, let’s be professional, use a dictionary (online).

Faithful (Adj): 1. Remaining loyal and steadfast

  1. true to the facts or the original.

Loyal (Adj): 1. giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution

Now wait a minute, it seems like these words are similar? Faithful definitely links to being loyal, right? So, does that mean these words cannot be separate entities? Well not necessarily. For that I go to another social media status update that famously said “I promised to be loyal but didn’t say anything about being faithful”

These words are quite controversial don’t you think? There is such a thin line in them that it makes you sweat between the bum crack, just a bit. Let’s review what the words are stating in normal social language.

“I promise that if I cheat, I will always come back to you because you are my true love”

“I still love you very much, I just had a moment of weakness/love for someone else”

Let these words sink in, I am certain there exist people who can decipher these words in so many ways, some even better, but that is what the words say.

Faithful vs Loyal

“When a rich nigga wants you but yo man can’t do nothin’ for ya” ~ Brown

Certainly, it is fair to say these words should be glued together, not the lyrics, I am talking about faithful and loyal. The words should exist like bread and butter, however sometimes butter just doesn’t do it, I mean you love butter, you do, but sometimes you want jam or peanut butter or mayonnaise or ham or polony, I really don’t know what people love in between their bread but my point is what is being loyal and what is being faithful? Am I an asshole for even suggesting one can exist without the other?

First of all, I can be an asshole, but this one is not on me, I am producing facts, I am shedding light on to something that already exist; I am just asking people to talk about it and question it.  At one point in her life my mom had two boyfriends at once, I had to refer to the other as my “uncle” not her best moments, but she want still loyal to her initial boyfriend; later in life when I asked her about all that she did, she gladly admitted her faults and told me the guy had been cheating too, so she was like fuck it.

My little brother had quite a lot of girlfriends when he was young, but there was one that the whole family knew, she was ‘Makoti’; a lot of women came and went at the house, but makoti never left. The young man was loyal but faithful he was not. I too honestly have suffered from “the, but I love them both syndrome (infidelity)”, which is something I never thought I’d go through but it happened, I was sincerely in love with both women…shoot me.

My friend had sex with a few women in his life, but you could never rank them higher than the love he had for his girlfriend, admittedly he said these worse which we will soon talk about

“She’s probably doing it too; if she’s cheating/sleeping with someone too, it’s fine, as long as I don’t find out, we are good”

What does it mean to be faithful, and to be loyal?

A few weeks back I actually asked a few random people, mostly women, if they’ve ever been unfaithful to their boyfriends (partners), and with honesty all of them said yes, can you believe that?

Side note: Ya’ll trust me too much with your secrets shame knowing damn well that I am a writer!!

Anyway, including both men and women about 98% admitted that they have been unfaithful to their partners, some to the extent of intercourse. Now I had a follow up questions one of them being “did you tell him/her that you cheated?” the answer of course was

“Hell No!! why would I do that?!!” some followed with these words “S/he is probably doing it too, as long as nobody knows, it’s cool” “The first one to admit that they are cheating will be at a loss”

Admittingly all these people who committed infidelity deeply loved their partners; very stranger isn’t it???? Some I asked why they did it?

“I just wanted her/him” “He looked yummy” “I heard he was good in bed” “We were flirting and one thing led to another” “Just the way he looked at me” Yo! Guys kubi outside, people steal your partner with looks!

Faithful and being loyal??

Let’s dissect the information I have shared so far; there is devastating information in there, one being

“Everyone has a thought at the back of their minds that their partner is cheating” well that’s another word we should review isn’t it, cheating?

Cheating (verb): 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.

  1. Break of trust?

There exist so many forms of “cheating” that I don’t necessarily want to cover all of them up here, but you the reader, you definitely know what I am talking about, if not personally, vicariously, you know.

However, Legend says “It’s only cheating if you get caught” who is legend, and is s/he correct? This brings back the statement made by my friend early who said ““If she’s cheating/sleeping with someone too, it’s fine, as long as I don’t find out, we are good”

You can feel the love in these words, can you not? There is an abundant amount of trust (loyalty) that exists, right? I mean the words still consider the partner as number one lover, as long as no one knows the other one is unfaithful!

Ahhhhh!!! My brain hurts.

Can these words exist without each other? Is there a person out there that exist who doesn’t cheat? What exactly is cheating? Does having a crush or flirting with someone who is not your partner count as cheating? No? so you are denying the idea of emotional cheating? It’s complicated isn’t it? Certainly, if you think it is not, you can state your argument on the comments.

I promise to be loyal but I am not sure about being faithful? Our fathers and mothers, and great grandparents are proof of the existence and legitimacy of this statement. My mother and her sisters don’t have the same fathers; even celebrities have suffered this act of being loyal but not being faithful.

So, are we admitting that this thing exists? That you can be loyal but not necessarily faithful, I am not saying we should be like that, but I am saying, it’s human nature. Sometimes someone just comes and sweeps you off your feet or rather pants, if not skirt; and it’s okay, that moment of weakness is natural and should be accepted as long as you are still loyal? I am putting a question mark because I don’t want to conclude for anyone.

Being faithful vs being loyal, which one is more important? Are you willing to sacrifice one for the other? Is that even a possibility?

What is your opinion? What situation(s) have you been in? Remember you don’t have to be innocent, we all have skeletons really, let the bones come out and dance.



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