I think I’m in love, but with your mom

So, I’m sitting across this young gorgeous lady, although she dos protest when I used the words ‘Young’ to describe her; replying with the statement like ‘You’re like 4 years old than me’, uhmm yeah, that makes me older ‘While you were still swimming in your dad’s balls, I was smelling the air of apartheid’. Of course, I only said the last bit internally. Anyhow we are having a conversation, mixture of a bunch of things and then accumulating information in the conversation she blurts outs and says “You love older women” There is a pause, I don’t know why, but there was one.

I denied it of course, on the mere fact that I have never dated an older woman in my life; however, I began to think about it. In thinking about, I became my own psychologist/therapist, that person who sits across you and makes you self-reflect basically, time to put my Psychology degree to use. I asked one simple question “Do I love older women?” To answer that JC let’s go back to the beginning, your early years of attraction. Well doctor JC, it all began with…

1. The girl next door.

Yes, like any young lad, I too had a girl next door crush. Every time I saw her (Zama), I couldn’t help but just feel warm inside. Light skinned, the sun just lite her face perfectly whenever I saw her. I am not kidding even when there was no sun, I felt like when I saw her, those sun rays would just penetrate the clouds and lit her. She was a year or two older than me. Everyone in the hood knew I had thing for her; People, you have to understand, I was living in a typical boy has a crush on pretty girl next door movie. What does a young man like me do with all those feelings except just stare in awe?

Hmmm interesting, go on.
2. Oh! So pretty in high school

In high school there is a flood of beautiful young girls, I guess for me my eyes looked a little bit above. As I am typing this, I am realising I had quite a lot of crushes in high school; sadly, none groomed or photosynthesized to anything (Get it??), even though all of them technically saw that I had a thing for them. There was Nondumiso, I’ll be honest and tell you that I recently googled her or rather tried to find her on Facebook. I have unfinished business with her, I still have a high school letter that I wrote for her, can you believe I’ve never opened that letter. It has been under my bed for over a decade, I kid you not. I was going to confess my long four-year crush on her finally (in matric), she was a year older than me, or two. She was older than me, that I was told, and it was clear as daylight. Nondumiso if you’re reading this, it’s not too late.
Then there was a girl named Punky, it was a short crush really, I think I only liked her because I thought her boyfriend at the time was an asshole and I could do a better job at boy-friending her. She took advantage of my crush on her and made me do her homework, like constantly, I didn’t mind really, she got to sit next to me. She was 1 year older than me.

Then what could possibly be one of the biggest clues on my love for older women, which I still deny is my high school teacher (Mrs Mshengu). I think everyone had a crush on one teacher, if you deny it, it’s fine, I won’t argue, I don’t have proof, but I had a crush on my physics teacher. She took my O2 away; see what I did there? If you didn’t well, uhmm, awkward.

Anyhow, I got happy every time she came to class, and of course if you have a crush on your teacher you have to be good at the subject she taught, I was fair, enough that I was in her radar. In matric, for prom, I asked her to be my date; she said yes. I don’t know how I got those Fe balls?? See what I did there again? It’s science puns people.

So far odds are against me, I know, it definitely seems like I have a thing for older women, however my ground point is that I have never dated anyone older than me. Yes, I have a thing for them, but why?

3. First experience(s)

University for most of us was that place where we experienced a lot of firsts; let me speak for myself rather. The first girl I had a thing for (My heartbreaker), and the first girl I kissed was 3 years older than me, let’s call her Belle. The first boobs I had my face on were from a girl 4 years older than me (not sexual, just a game). Let’s go back to the girl I kissed for the first time. Admittingly I was in love with this one. I still til this day can tell you from head to toe was she was wearing the first time I saw her. Things didn’t work out, she liked women…meeeh that’s a story for another day.

After that, every woman I was in loved with or had a crush on or fling with for the next 3 years was younger than me, if not the same age; until of course, the day I saw my partners Mom; let’s call her Mrs R, for “Robinson”. There is absolutely no way this can sound less creepy than it is, I won’t share all the details, but I had a huge crush on my partner’s mom. There’s no doubt about that, I had a huge attraction for Indians. She was hot!!! I once or twice or maybe a couple of times told my partner that I thought her mom was hot.

Furthermore, my friend’s mom was attractive as well. In my excuse, as labelled above, I had a thing for Indians and both my partner’s mom and friend’s moms were Indian so…technically it shouldn’t count really. Except that my first Indian Crush was a girl named Tasha who was a year older than me. Neesa doesn’t count for those who know me and are yelling what about her!! She has always been my hot, sexy beautiful friend.

Well fuck me twice & sideways… this is getting worse than I expected it to be.
I am starting to believe varsity is a sort of hellish place really. At one point in my life, I had a sugar mama as well in varsity, it’s not as clear cut as it sounds. Fuck it, I should stop this writing. There is a possibility that somewhere deep inside, I do have a thing for women older than me mara deep down, in the pits deep. I can date an older lady; age is just a number really.

I am not exactly sure where it comes from, this innate desire but I have never gotten the opportunity to be in a relationship with an older women; I have gotten myself in situations where I was intimate with some but not in a relationship, it’s quite strange now that I think about it.

At the back of my mind however I go back to a typically used statement: Older women are more matured; they know what they want. There is half truth in that but nonetheless there is truth. If we’re just in it for the sex and the fun older women tend to understand; The world has transitioned however that even young women, well people in general understand that intimate only ideology, quite scary if you ask me, but I am not the one to complain.

So,

Self diagnosis results are ‘hmmm maybe and maybe not, there is no definite proof that the patient has a thing for older women; however, as he has never experienced a relationship with an older woman; We can rather call his symptoms a fascination with the older species of opposite sex’
So, what is are your thoughts? On yourself, not me. Do you prefer certain age group? Certain maturity? What attracts you to a certain age group, or it just happens?

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