We have all been in a situation of regret, I bet you more than once. It occurs mostly when you are still figuring out; 1) who you are? 2) What opinions matter to you? 3) Whose opinion matters to you?
I mean I am sure it can go beyond these three points I just wrote but for this writing let’s consider these points pivotal or rather as the base. I truly have had regrets in my lifetime, whether it was having told a lie or having not being truly honest with how I felt. These two points are very much not the same. One point reflects my actions against others while the other reflects a reaction felt by self.
However these regrets, especially ones of my actions to others, began to fade away. My regrets began to fully encapsulate the latter; my reaction to self. I began to live on the motto ‘Honesty is the best policy’. Yes, of course, there were many times were I was crucified for living under that motto but I figured out something that is still going to take my fellow humans a while to understand.
We simply cannot live a life were we hinder our true honesty just to fulfill the desires of other people. When we do that, which we often do, we are living under a lie and soon enough these lies begin to build a home in you.
In one of Dave Chappelle’s special he uses these words: “As a policy I never feel bad about anything I say up here”. He has no regrets about anything he says while up on the stage.
The stage provides a platform for him to truly exuberate his honesty about everything. If he ever regrets the things he says on that stage, he is no longer himself.
What is my point? My point is perhaps we should all be constantly on stage like Dave Chappelle. Do things or speak out our thoughts and have no regrets about them, no matter how brutal in honesty the words may have swam. Yes of course we can consider the three base points that I made, number 1 being the most crucial, and others, really there is room for flexibility, haibo thixo!
People I am tired of living a could’ve/should’ve life; that life is draining.
Sidenote: Ever had that I should have kissed her/him moment? The worst right.
They say don’t listen to your first instinct; Psychologists can be wrong too. Your first instinct no matter how bad it may be is still the most honest you that you will ever be.
What made me write this? Well, as I shared in my last writing. I recently signed up for online dating; my friends although argue that Tinder is not for dating but for the latter. Shut up guys! Anyway you get into this thing and you wonder if it’s best to be yourself or to design an avatar of yourself that will fit the role.
Role: To get partners of course duh!
I made the error of tying to fit myself and an avatar together. These two personalities ended up clashing. There I was having matched with an individual I found interesting but “keeping it cool” led me astray. I wanted to speak my own way however I fell into a trap, by the time I was awakening from it, I had lost. It’s only afterwards that I wondered why wasn’t I just myself; If she don’t like me well that’s her choice
There’s a lot of interesting people that challenge you in different. That’s mostly what interests me, the meeting of these individuals who’ve lived life differently.
This brings me back to the art of regret. Morality allows us to be sensitive and understanding towards others but, yes there is a but, we need to begin a journey of selfishness; A journey that let’s you exuberate all your honesty and let people react to it; they must fucking know who they are dealing with. This thing of hiding behind avatars must stop man.
It’s like a person who keeps making excuses when they don’t want to say no; I don’t want to help you or I don’t like you. It hurts for the receiver but you were being honest.
The best example for the type of individual I am referring to is Larry Davids in Curb Your enthusiasm.
I really appreciate honesty; for a while I might feel horrible, which is won’t lie it hardly happens. I am one of those people who believe if something wasn’t meant to be, it won’t happen.
What intellectual bullshit do you want to add?