My mother calls me by name.

This image is one of the oldest images of my mom I have. I was shocked at how I don’t have any new images of my mom.

I have never failed to articulate how much love my mom has for me…. Money😂

Yes, my mom would work long hours of the day to earn money, to feed us of course but ultimately, secretly she just loves money. If the sun is Superman’s way of getting strength, money was my moms. Then like any darkie mom from back home, she’s go and buy kitchen ware she will never use. I generally think everyone loves money.

Knowing this fact, I grew naturally afraid to ask mom for money, on the basis of course that we didn’t have much but again ultimately because mom would turn into Gollum “Smeagol” as money was her “precious”. Mom could feel when you touch her money hiding place. She’d call ” I know how much money is there “😂

So I grew up afraid to ask for money in regards to anything. I would need new school shoes, books or whatever, I just couldn’t do it, not that she wouldn’t have given it to me, she is my mom of course she would have given it to me, I think, I just couldn’t do it.

In the beginning of varsity it would get worse. As any students not financially secure, one would run out of certain “essentials” yet still I couldn’t get myself to do it.

My mom would call me asking if I needed anything I would say I’m fine, then she’d say “Thiza, are you sure? “

I’d be quiet for a while, then she’d know that perhaps for weeks I was not properly eating. When I finally got financial support I’d send, as most kids in my day, send almost all the funds to her.

Travel to years later, in this time, this present, now as a stable young… old man, I am financially okay, fuck in many standards, especially my country’s standard, I am now well off, I send money back home as often as I can or as often as someone requires money, yet I have an issue.

My mom fears asking me for money😂

How the wheels of life have turned, not for the better as it seems. No matter how much I tell my mom, it is fine, anytime she needs money I’ll gladly send it to her, she has become that boy I was at a young age, afraid to state when in need.

Yes of course she makes truthful statements that she asks for money constantly, which I don’t mind as long as I have saved for myself.

This is a psychological thing isn’t it. I am living in a reverse psychology world with my mother.

Many months back I had written a blog about black tax, a financial strain we as darkies often suffer from, the fact that you have a family to feed. Often if not planned accordingly this has dire effects on the future, were it could lead to you not being financially stable in the future thus creating a cycle of needing your own kids to feed you.

Fuck me?!!

I don’t know how to get my mom out of this cycle; I mean I agree with some of the facts or reasons she gives, but she is of course still my mother.

Now, what’ story do you have for me when it comes to family and money? Write to me, my ears, or rather eyes are on the screen.

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