Father Figures I

~black
When I was growing up I use to tell myself I grew up without a ‘father’. In essence it’s the person that contributed to my conception I didn’t grow up with. I had a lot of father figures.

In this next series of blog posts I want to list almost all the father figures that I have had in my life. These foreign individuals who have played a role of “father” in my life without ever knowing they did. Media really is a fascinating thing; it can build a person or can break them down. I guess I am the lucky few. So, here is a rather interesting odd list of the father figures in my life.

Jackie Chan Movies “Funny, inventive, none violent (well)”

Being bullied is something most of us fall victim, it’s hard to speak about being bullied when you’re a kid, especially if your mom is a hardworking strong black woman. So you learn to keep quiet and try to survive school life. I chose that route rather than telling mom who would have whipped me for being “weak”. It’s in these moments you need father figures, someone to teach you how hold your fist straight up, or your leg up high for kicks.

Jackie Chan is probably the only non-black person I will mention in this post as a father figure but that he was. I’ve written too many times on how watching Jackie Chan helped me as a kid. It was not only to defend myself but I learned how to use my body for a variety of things, especially for expression.

Being able to love while watching someone fight was enjoyable, Mr. Chan showed me that “running away” is not necessary a bad thing, just puts you in a better survival position and survive I did, not only that, I learned how to get stronger.

One on One “How to raise a daughter”

I grew up with one parent, which wasn’t easy for her I am sure. My siblings and I were lunatics to say. So I never imagined what mom went through, furthermore I could never imagine what if it was my ‘father’ who was raising us.

So watching Flex raise his daughter on One on One was something special; to see all the dynamics, ups and downs of being a single father were a learning curve. Young as I was, I took a lot of lessons from this father. How to approach being a father, to learn from your daughter as much as she learns from you. Yes, of course the young girl was a grown up but none the less there were really good lessons and conversations that happen in that household.

Yes, of course Fleex had support, even the daughter he was raising supported him, guiding him on how to be father. I appreciate you Flex, for giving me good lessons. I appreciate these father figures.

As the list continues to go on, I am sure you might bump into a series or character that made you become better as a person or like me, was able to help you grow. If you have any to share before I post the next blog of father figure be sure to do so. I am a 90’s child, so some series might not be familiar to those who are very young.

The Male Spec-actor

Def. : one who looks on or watches |One who pretends, but secretly watches.

Welcome to 2022 on this blog were we still talk intellectual bullshit. Oh I’m kicking the year off with an intense topic. Should men not be involved in solving issues that women face?

You know I am here to collect your perspective so after reading, please leave a comment.

Ideas are started by individuals, and then further perpetuated by those (social masses) who agree with the individual. This is not to say the social mass was not thinking this all along, no, it is to say, someone made a point they agreed with all along, and it’s refreshing and releasing when someone does that. So you form/ join the social league.

So, can you take away an individual thought in a big idea? You can’t really. In huge social movements there exists individuals. We resonate with these individuals.

So, let’s agree.

Yes, there are problems. These problems are someone’s fault, we technically know who’s fault it is, but the aim is not to point fingers, because we know pointing fingers leads to some fingers being pointed back.

How do we solve the problem? This problem of men treating women certain ways that are wrong! How do we solve these socially constructed ideas about women either their looks, intelligent and their worth? I don’t know really, but I know including the people who are part of the problem is definitely a good start. Making statements that “they don’t have knowledge to understand” the problens, that won’t solve it. Instead it’s a fire being built by a group of people, and it’s not warming everyone up to new ideas/thinking.

I understand people who shut Asian/White people down when it comes to conversation about race as we note “they won’t understand the problem” I do it too really, I’m guilty, but being guilty though I don’t shut it down completely. I go back to throw a few jabs again to see if they understand, if they don’t I get off the ring and maybe wait I don’t know until when.

I have been a witness of so many ill events/actions caused by men unto women yet it doesn’t give me enough knowledge because I am not in the body, I am viewing it from the other side and that makes it complicated.

I can never be women, it’s hard to even imagine being one. I am guilty that even when I imagine being one, I childishly think of having breasts.

Everyone needs lecturing, of course men need to stop being spec-actors of the multiple issues occurring; Women on the other have to know they can’t come into that battle alone, without some “men” on their sides. Yes, but who are these “men”

My problem is I don’t know where I stand, I am a man, I am probably guilty of many inappropriate acts towards women, some aware of, others not, I just need to be put in a circle of men that need to be educated.

So ultimately here are some questions.

1. Can men, us be trusted to listen without reaction?
2. Are we dumb that we don’t understand women’s problems? Like are we thinking they don’t exist?
3. When the fuck are we going to fix “Black/Coloured people” issues? Why is the race issue always being pushed backwards
4. I’ve said too much

Remember leave your intellectual bullshit, I want to here your thoughts. A link that was shared to me. It was interesting to listen to

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmqq9_XTelM

Cut/Crop/Save

So often we put ourselves in positions were we want people to know that we did something or we feel a certain way about something, to in a certain way prove ourselves to “them”

I find myself in a weird/strange position of shouldn’t it be enough that I know were I stand? Aren’t I enough to self to know that my position is here, that I don’t need to defend it because I know it?!

There are very much places designed for you to defend yourself, like court. In court you have to no matter what defend or prove your innocence, even if you know 100% that you didn’t do something but by the standards that someone said you did it, places you in a difficult position of defending yourself.

This is a very different situation if someone says you are racist/homophobic/sexist etc. If someone blames you for being any of these things and you know that you aren’t, what reason do you have to prove yourself to them that you are telling the truth?

I don’t think there is really; there are things we don’t need to prove because proving them makes them not real, it makes you look as if you are justifying your own truth.

I am not racist because I have black friends! Having black friends doesn’t make you not racist, lack of respect/empathy, belittling black people makes you one, and you can really still be one in that position of having black friends, that’s just an example.

The pictures of food we take & post showing we are eating healthy! Who are we taking them for? You already know you’re eating healthy, for you and your body that is prove enough that you are doing what you tended to do, informing others about it isn’t necessary a need.

A part of the reason I am thinking about this is that I’ve been walking quite a lot lately, at times I’d forget to wear my watch which usually calculates the steps I take. It rattles me a bit to not have the steps counted, but then I started thinking, wait, who am I doing it for, am I walking to calculate steps so others can see or what?! I mean I know I walked a lot, shouldn’t that be efficient? Who needs to see that I walked so much today and why?

Proving or disproving certain things isn’t necessarily, but we are trapped in this reality of if people know were I stand, I can be liked more or can be relevant or I will be acknowledged.

It’s sad we live in this reality, even I. I dance and I take videos of me dancing naturally because I want others to see that I dance and made something beautiful or interesting.

It’s the world we live in, I think we need to re-evaluate certain things, try to understand what really is significant in the world we live in

In essence it comes down to a few things, one being I understand how the world is structured now. The world is built in a way that fame or entertainment can happen at any time, that a simple video or image that you took can become an instant hit. That’s the type of world we are in.

However the other part takes me back to something that comedian Dave Chappelle does which is he take people’s phones away during live performances; for some I am sure it’s like taking them to rehab, taking away an addiction they have, but I think that’s precisely the aim.

People can’t seem to live in the moment anymore, to be satisfied with experiencing things in that moment and be fulfilled with the idea that it’s all in your head/heart, you didn’t capture it with any device.

It’s totally okay for your film recording to be your brain, yeah sure likely no one will believe you, that you met who you said you met, but you know it happened, that should be proof enough.

We are stuck in a forever changing world, a complicated world that is asking us to think too much, to forget human feelings and emotions, making us react to each other in a delayed manner because we are so busy caught up on being relevant.

It’s a scary world out there people, but it’s still a fun world.

What is your take, talk to me, I am all ears

I want to be a real boy

Oh Pinnochio! If only you knew the consequences of being a real boy. It’s July, my mom’s birthday month, I called her to just talk shit, reminiscing about old and new shit really, yes she still loves money, even in the chaos of my province back home (South Africa)

While we were talking I mention that she’s getting old, which she enthusiastically adds yeah, I am getting old, but I still look gorgeous as hell, like I’m still in my 30s; she does really, for being close to 50 she doesn’t look her age, then she brings up this sore she loves rubbing salt on “So when are you having a baby, I’m getting old and you are in your 30s too?” of course as always I laughed it, being honest that I am not ready for a child.

That’s what I want to write about today, the idea of being a parent, having a baby. Pinnochio in the story relentlessly continues to wish to be a real boy. I am certain that he didn’t know the consequences of being a real boy. It is different when things become real.

I love kids, these little humans are fascinating to watch, as most people would tell you, the thing about kids is that there see this different version of the world than we do as adult, a world were I wish most of us would be in really. After I finished talking to my mom, I did something different in all the years she mentioned this baby business, I thought about it, not having a baby of course but I thought deep and hard about why I didn’t want to have a baby.

Of course one main reason being I don’t feel secure enough to have a baby, but in reality, I don’t think there’s such a thing as being secured enough. There will never be enough money for an individual, if it was so billionaires would stop making money already. As much as I want to say people have been making babies with minimum amounts of money, I don’t really want to that, I’ve been there, and I didn’t like it much, so I wouldn’t want my own child going through that.

The more I dug deep into why I don’t want to have a baby, the more I really don’t want to have one, well, for now, I don’t know, but what I do know is that, I’m scared, no I really am. I know people discover the reality of being a parent as they do it, but that reality scares me. I am really good with other people’s kids, but I fear what I would be like with my own child.

Look at how the world is, you’d think it’s getting more better, that understanding is flowing between us humans, but realistically it seems like it’s getting worse, old people are selling their ideas to the kids who grow up selling that idea to their kids, so really, we’re in a loop of hate, insecurity, violence, corruption etc. Then you’re asking me, a person who frankly is still scared of the world, to bring a child, someone who would essentially mean everything to me.

No, thank you, unlike pinnochio I’m not ready for that responsibility of things being real.

I’ve never imagined what my child would be like, but either way s/he will have black genes that are mine, and already this little person will start racing behind the pack, no matter how rich I may be, they will play some type of catch up; it’s unfair for me to judge like that, but I can’t help it, I live in that reality; the difference is, it doesn’t bother me at all, it doesn’t really, I laugh at it and walk away laughing, the problem is, I won’t know how my child would take it, even if raised well.

So, I guess I will have to apologize to mom, although it’s still early in my life, it seems unlikely that I will have a child anytime soon.

What are your thoughts on children? Did you have any particular fears? How did you overcome them or hope to overcome them?

Chasing moments

“Process over product”

There should be no doubt that we now live in a quick fix world, going from event to event, activity to activity looking for a quick fix. I am making it sound like a drug deal because essentially that’s what it ends up being, a certain addiction, were people can’t find themselves easing down to enjoy one moment because they fear they might miss out on another.

Okay, maybe I began too deep, that I sound like I am complicating what I want to talk about in this writing.

Del: I tend to miss things a lot, you know, the importants moment, so I always try to live 5 minutes from now.

This is a random line from the film Comet, it’s not a famous film, but it’s worth a watch.

I’ll get to how this quote relates to this reading a little later. Our “new” world is tuned to the idea that you have to impress people within the next three lines you say or write otherwise they will move on to the next moment; people are really in a hurry to live in the next 5 minutes from that right now, its terrifying.

Well, in a way it is terrifying, to miss moments, but it’ should be more terrifying to miss right now isn’t it? For the idea of process fascinates me.

I know I’ve said that so many times especially when it comes to art creation, but I also apply the same concept to people; that process of slowly building something is quite fascinating, it doesn’t matter what form of relationship it is, process is better than products, in a way that it’s thrilling.

In process you get to discover, you get to understand, you get to undress a whole lot of information, so to know how something/someone functions.

I learnt from a very young age to not do too many things at once, not that it’s a bad thing, people should learn as much as they want to; however I learnt or rather was advised by an individual who was much older and wiser than me that, I should choose one thing, choose one thing to love, and let that thing drive you to other places.

It’s advice that I’ve applied variously in life without ever realizing it. Art, after I chose it took me to a whole lot of places; my social circle after I chose it, introduced to me to things I never would have discovered alone.

The point I am making is, if there is a point, this quick fix world is scary, it’s scary because it doesn’t give people an opportunity to discover each other anymore, it’s quick satisfaction and you wake up the next day looking for a new dose, and if you can’t find it, you feel empty.

There is something in the idea of fishing that shows process over product; Fishermen intrigue me; sitting there for hours on end patiently waiting for a bite. I know people who could never be fishermen, because they are always itching for 5 minutes from now, and while they are busy scratching that itch, they miss the right now moments.

So serene, fishing.

I tend to miss things a lot, I don’t want to. To wonder what could’ve happened; It’s not a way to live. I’m not saying we should live in the moment rather I am saying, let’s enjoy the moment, for longer than 5 minute.

What is your view? Has process over product in human interaction disappeared? Is this good or bad?

“You’re not my type”

Having fallen for a different variety of women, most not even in the list of people I know personally, I had often wondered what is my type of women/person? I am yet to reach a conclusion of what is my type; I’d love to say I fall in the anormally of people who claim they don’t have a type, but with some certainty we can say everyone has a certain type or at least you know what is not your type.

I have for a long while since my teen years or even before that believed Asians or people of Asian descent were my type, there was just an existing attraction that I could not comprehend, however after coming to Asia and realizing I on the other hand may not be the ideal partner for an Asian, well because of cultural differences, if not ideologies; the question is, does this mean I have to change my idea of what my type may be?

Now, the first thing we need to address is what constitutes as a type? Many people of course have a variety of things they look for whether it be [Physical] [Emotional] [Psychological] [Imaginative/Creative] and [Financial]; Each box as you can imagine has it’s own complicated branch out. While others look for total opposites (opposite attract), others look for similarities; It only makes sense to ‘the individual’ in question.

That is however just the phenotype of it all, the genotype, the crux of it all is a little complex, FYI I learned those two words while I was in high school [Phenotype/Genotype], I can’t believe I found use for them, well, sorta, anyway it really is complex.

It is because you can really be attracted to someone but they can’t hold up a conversation or they hate everything you love, of course there is that word “compromise”, but how long can you really compromise on your values/beliefs, not watching anime with someone you love????! or they love computer games and you have no idea which button moves which part, it’s draining.

What is a type? Let’s look at what the dictionaries say

Type:

1. qualities common to a number of individuals that distinguish them as an identifiable class
2. something distinguishable as a variety
3. a number of persons or things that are grouped together because they have something in common

Even the dictionaries are not being specific, but number three seems to resonate well with the content focused on here.

But, does it really matter that much if you’re religious and I am not? Apparently for some people it really does, no matter how over hills in love they maybe, it’s just an ice breaker; I need a wo/man who believes in the existence of the Lord or nothing, tough crowd, but we are born with choices, well, some, for others not necessarily; some cultures as we have grown to understand if you have your eyes open loath ideas of interracial dating, I am not sure if this is for another topic, for another time, it certainly has many layers.

Let’s wrestle with the idea of type for now, does ‘a financially stable man’ count as a “type” uhmmm not really, that’s a financial preference, whatever happened to rich or poor? Does a girl who can cook, count as a type? What year are you living in bro? some of the best chefs in the world are men, get out of here.

A person who is, who has, who can?

I recently went out on a date and realized while there why I may not be another person’s type, of course I was realizing this while I was seeing the other person across me, is not my type, but I want to focus on me, look inwards.

I realized that I enjoy certain surroundings while hating some, I have enjoyment for open spaces, artistic scenery, people in conversation, socio-political conversations, and in this quick thrill/quick fix world others may not be particular interested in that; people are living life’s were they want to live in the moment or forget shit (YOLO), drink, not everyone but fuck it is what it is!!!

I don’t know, I can’t figure shit out anymore, I certainly know I am a bad match for others, more people than I might have realized, I have strange traits that might not sit well with others, but others may find them attractive, that’s what this whole type thing can mean right, but I don’t know. One person said, you can convince a person you like to like you back by showing them traits that might appeal to them, uhmmm yeah sure but isn’t that being devious in a sense, I mean shouldn’t we be falling for people because they presented their real self to us? I know, I am sounding all fairytallie but what are we doing?

As I said though, I am struggling to find answers, you’d think around the age I am in you tend to have full grasp of these things, an understanding, but when the whole world opens up to you, you tend to have this realization that you really are insignificant, a blipp, but even as a blipp you should make the best out of it, well at least try to.

What is your thought? What is a type really? What is your type?

Has my sexual pleasure/satisfaction been a lie all this time?

This is not new news, for years science among many things has made the claim that men’s highest peak of sexual satisfaction comes from having their butts “played” with, not necessarily our butts but a section close enough to the butt.

I suddenly, randomly had a thought on this today.

If we are going with logic it would mean that many “heterosexual”/men/ have not experienced the full pleasures of a pure orgasm. We as men who refuse to have our butts touched even by our own partners, myself included have not experienced what a true orgasm feels like?

So, what have we been experiencing all this time? I don’t know, however I do have ‘some’ support for the claim. I remember I would have conversations with my exes were I’d point out how most women fail to understand that ejaculation doesn’t necessarily count as an ‘orgasm’, ejaculation is just that thing that can happen from literally anything, I dare to say from anything; however just like how women take time to reach their orgasm, men sorta have the same mechanism.

By the way I am in no ways saying sex is mechanical, sex is a mixture of a lot of things from the psychology to the physical, that’s a conversation for another day. Anyway my point is that men also have a state they can claim as full orgasm, a state were he has experienced pleasure at its most highest peak, without his butt being involve and then he is ready to release.

I dare to say that I have in the past experienced this type of pleasure; I am not sure if explaining it will give justice,buy My whole body had a jolt like feeling traveling through it, but I would not ejaculate, and then it would finally happen, I felt like my whole insides were being sucked out my body like in a horror film.

A lot of conversations still need to happen when it comes to sexual satisfaction and pleasure; a dialogue on how one likes to be touched or kissed or mentally aroused. People should be at a place were they are not afraid to share their “fantasies” or just the way they want to be pleasured.

I am old enough to understand what gets me going… to understand that I need to slow down at times or to pace up, and this and that. Don’t be afraid to ask questions after a session of sexual pleasure, no matter how good/bad you think you did, just conversate and go again.

I am not sure if I will ever delve into the full experience of an orgasm if it involves my ass being fondled with; I am man enough to say that it will make me feel a type of way. I am very open about my sexuality and the things that I can engage in, but I have my limits and I think my butt as a “heterosexual” guy is were I make my stand… maybe still pondering

What is your view on pleasure? Share, it’s a lovely year to open about a lot of things locked away in Pandora’s sexual box.

Jungle Fever

Now I don’t want you to simply use the term ‘Jungle Fever’ from the movie with the same name by Spike Lee, but I don’t want you to remove the idea of the movie in your head completely either.
 
I was recently watching a new comedy series titled “Woke”. It seems like every network is producing more and more series, a dawn of a new era. Anyway, somewhere in the series, a line during a conversation peaked my interest. One character states
 
” Is it really possible to remove Fetishization in an interracial relationship?”
 
This is the question I want to pose, try to answer and converse around; I mean is it really?
 
I have never shied away from my interest in Asians. I’ve always found them quite attractive. I don’t know why, maybe that’s why I am writing this today.
 
Now I come from a country were race is very tricky; tricky as in people, mostly, never shy away from showing you that they are a different race from you, or see themselves as superior to you; but who cares about that now.
Well.
 
That perhaps is where some ideas of Jungle fever begin. The idea of having something outside of self, having someone that represents a different race than yours; the indulgence of a forbidden fruit.
 
I’ve had plenty of friends who were of different races from my own. However, I never felt that they were any different from anyone else, however, it doesn’t mean that others did not look at me differently. I was always the guy who’s always walking with the Indian girl or the white girl.
 
Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone of different race without fetish ideas having infiltrated your thoughts?  Uhmmm unlikely. Yes, you can be in love, you can be head over hills over this boy or girl, but somewhere deep in your conscious you always wondered what it would be like to indulge in the nectars of a different race.
 
I remember when my friend, who is black came to tell us how he had sex with a white girl. Yes, we were excited, I simply cannot understand why, but it felt like we were part of that experience. Almost exciting as a friend telling us he had a threesome “The belt”. Another time the friend comes and tells us he slept with a Spanish girl, if it wasn’t going to be weird we would have gone out for drinks to celebrate that day. All I can say is imagine what happens around the campfire; that was us listening to the juicy details of our friend… yes. You cannot blame us however, Latinos have been abundantly tagged as having one of the most, if not, the sexiest women of race in the world.
 
We are all somehow intrigued by different races. We could perhaps have been sold ideas by the media, but jungle fever has us by the genitals. Do you see what I did there?
 
Thinking about it now makes me wonder if my fear to kiss my old friend who was white was caused by this. If you’re a regular reader, you know who I am talking about. It makes me; wonder if my fear to kiss her or be with her laid on the fact that she was “white”.
 
If I am being honest I will say yes. How does one be in a relationship with a white person??! That was me back at that time. At the time that I am in now, I find myself curious. I find myself wanting to interact with different races more so I can understand if they are different from black women; interact in conversation in case that comes out wrong, which I am reading it does.
 
So far there’s nothing much different except for the fact that people tend to have expectations if you’re not the same as them.
 
So the question rather remains intact. Is it possible to remove fetish ideas when getting in interracial relationships? Even in one night stands? Lord know I’ve looked at different coloured women and said to myself I wonder what it would be like to be with her? I’m guilty of being human, sue me!
 
My colleague, when I asked her, said that was why she’s afraid to get into interracial relationships. The not knowing if the person is with her because he truly finds her interesting or just wondering what it would be like to be with a black girl?!
 
According to another colleague of mine, it’s not possible to entirely remove fetish ideas from interracial relationships. Some individuals actually get into the relationship because the other person is a different race. The other person being a different race is a factor.
I am in no way taking love out of these relationships; that these individuals do not love each other. All I am stating is that sub-consciously or even consciously interracial relationships include a fetish factor in them. We get into them because we are curious, intrigued about being with a different race/culture/tradition.
 
What is your take? Can we remove one from the other?

The act of pleasure: Sex vs. Love

Sex without love expresses our lower animal natures, the enemy of reason that should control the psyche. Loss of rational control in sex might still lead to condemnation of casual sex on prudential grounds as leading to addictive promiscuity. But loss of control in sexual acts can be conceived as something good, a release from our ordinary repressed selves and our mundane concerns, and the closest we “come” to unity with another person.

And distinguishing this loss of control in the heat of passion from loss of control over when to engage in sex allows us to see that casual sex need not be addictive. Just as we can eat for pleasure without becoming gluttons, and can enjoy making money without becoming miserly hoarders, so we can have sex for pleasure without becoming addicted (In love/In a relationship).

Sexual desire and love are fundamentally different psychological states. Love is other-regarding, an identification with the loved one’s interests and long-term commitment to further those interests. It is relatively exclusive: we love several people at once, but not a large number. By contrast, sexual desire, although focused on another’s body, is essentially self-regarding, a desire for physical pleasure. And we can have fleeting sexual desires for many others, while there is no fleeting or casual love.

That opening extract is taken from ideas written by Alan H. Goldman, 2019, quite an interesting argument, right? It makes you think, well I have it here because it helps me with what I am writing about today.

What are these ideas of sexual desire and love saying about us humans? About us people, well put simply it means we are forcing things too much, that we don’t need to be in ln love to have sex or fuck each other, desire for our own pleasure is just as good, of course as long as that desire is consensual.

Sex without love is perhaps a bad statement to make, I don’t necessary believe that it exists. When you have sex with someone or desire to fuck someone you un-expressingly are in ‘love’ in a way. You are either in love with their personality, their mind, their physical body, the idea of them in you or most importantly you are in love with your own pleasure, simple as that.

I admit of course that I have engaged in such acts of sexual pleasure, being in it just for the fun of it. Let us be honest with ourselves, for those who are willing to be honest; sex is good, I mean it is great, that idea of being intertwined with another human body brings life to the mind, and you know that orgasm really does the thing.

I apologize for those who have never experienced orgasms, unlike bigfoot it is not a thing of mysteries but like big foot, once you see it, you know you found something precious, in this case, experienced something precious. A nice good electric body shock, like an unexplainable tingle.

Now of course, I haven’t really delved into the topic of this writing sex vs love; in the mist of it, I want to add an interesting aspect, masturbation. Now, there will be arguments on my next statement, by all means everyone must have their own opinion, if you don’t agree, you can consider my outlook on masturbation as an opinion, but I ask you to look deep into my view first, before judging.

Masturbation is quite tricky, without being dishonest, I engage in masturbation, once in a while I find myself in the shower with the warmth of water creating the perfect scenery, yes shoot me for it. Masturbation is what I consider to be sex with self. I have always posed the idea that masturbation offers something that someone else’s body (be it a new body) won’t offer you; time to explore and understand your pleasure needs.

Let me explain more

In the act of self sex, you get to know what gets you going, yes, I know it’ might sound silly, I do think about these things, even in masturbation my mind is in wonder. Anyway, in masturbation you’re able to give yourself time, to think, to understand which strokes get you there quick and which strokes can get you to last.

For females, you get to understand where you want your partner to go in order to get you there or even how YOU will engage with your partner to get yourself there. I have advised a lot of girls in my life to masturbate, I’ve always used the words “Don’t let a stranger know more about your body than you do. You need to know how to make yourself happy…or cum”

There is a however in this whole idea of mine. Now this thought comes off as very controversial, especially since I have taken the stand of enjoying sex, enjoying giving pleasure to my partners and myself.

During these thoughts of masturbations, I have posed a question of: Do we need each other for sex or we just need each other for reproduction really?
Let’s get back to this question a little later, it seems now we are on the grounds of, what is sex vs love or sex and love?

My opening paragraph argues that sex can exist in a plane of just pleasure, that it is a human idea that we put sex and (love) relationships together. There are a lot of reasons why we do that, mostly because of morality, I guess. People are definitely animals, but we don’t want to be seen or treated in such a way.

We want to be in control, at least when it comes to giving our bodies to other people; we don’t want to appear as, uhmm whores, I guess; it’s a social thing. Morality probably trumps everything when it comes to human, so sex while not in a relationship is a high morality to break. The question remains though, can one engage in sex without love or relationship? Uhmmm yes, as so many have done it and quite frankly enjoyed it.

People let’s be honest, most people cheat based on the idea that they want to fuck someone else, simple as that, no ways about it; yes there exists a lot more reasons people cheat I understand, but one of them is that you will get to have sex with that other person. Cheating without a doubt is an act of human nature that shouldn’t be punished, that person just existed for that time outside social morality.

Which brings me back again to the previous question: Do we really need each other for sex or just reproduction? Now be careful how you read this question of mine, it doesn’t come at face value. I am frankly trying to say people can have as much sex as they want with whoever they want, consensually of course, then when they are ready can find someone who is ready with them to reproduce.

Furthermore, my question lies on the plane of masturbation; yes, masturbation is not entirely the same as sex, we can be honest with that, however here is something masturbation offers which in my belief is a rip, a tear in the morality field but fuck it.
Masturbation offers you to have sex with anyone you choose too! Even multiple people at once.

Doesn’t that freak you out? For me it does a little bit? I mean it has too, literally someone as you are reading this could be fucking you in their heads, and fully enjoying it, that’s kinda creepy. You could be in an orgy right now and you don’t even know it. Masturbation breaks that morality barrier, it’s fantasy, so, it’s kinda of okay, I guess.

We have to at least admit it to ourselves that we break that moral ground during masturbation; When I do it, I go to the best sexual experiences I’ve had, so my exes need to know that although we are apart, I still enjoy being with them in my head, it’s a compliment? I think? I have a difficult time imagining someone I have never been with, it just doesn’t get me going, but that’s the thing about masturbation, everyone has their kink.

Sex, love, masturbation vs. Pleasure or rather all these are combined together, it doesn’t really matter; there are over a trillion people in the world, I had a point to make about that stat I totally forgot it. However, I can continue to say, love is important, it really is, for us humans, love makes us feel that we belong, that our reason for existing can make someone else happy.

Sex is important too, it makes us feel ‘connected’, it shouldn’t be used as a tool to hold on to someone, sex is great; so is pleasure, sex without pleasure is just two bodies rubbing against each. In order for us to get pleasure out of the sexes we have and engage in, we need to know our own bodies, we need to know what we want, so explore yourselves, learn about your body, read about it if you have too.

I know, it can feel dirty, nasty, but you don’t know how much you need it, to consciously make yourself reach your own destination is fulfilling.

What’s up my KAFFIR?

Now I don’t really know the history of the terms that I am about to speak about but I understand enough to place some questions.

Nigger vs Kaffir

We all have used nigger before, hey nigger! what’s good my nigger? et.c etc. however let’s address something nigga is an American term. The ‘supreme’ whites had been using this term to INSULT African American during those old times of slavery… you know that time right…black people taken and sold…abused and a lots of other atrocities “Coloured babies” much…

Throughout the progressive years however African Americas got “freedom” and things changed, one ultimate thing that they changed was the power behind the word nigga…TAKE THAT POWER BACK!! Nigga is now used as an endearing term. Wait? what? an endearing term? Yeah nigger that word now is for greeting a fellow brother.

So a word that was used to take power away from black people and insult them is used to appreciate a fellow black man…now that is dope. More than that it is an insult if a white person uses it…you could get shot!

This all brings me to my context SOUTH AFRICA…nkosi sikelel!!!!! AFRICA!!! We have used nigga quite a lot…hell I great some of my people with this term all the freaking time #South African love things!!! Let’s throw nigga away for a bit. Imaginary Bin (Throws it inside)

WHAT’S UP MY KAFFIR?

If black people in America can take away the insult in the word Nigga…what is stopping South Africans from doing the same thing with KAFFIR??? #questionmark #questionmark

What is stopping us from taking the apartheid out of the word KAFFIR. Just be walking in the streets…HEY my KAFFIR!! what’s up my KAFFIR! Is it perhaps that kaffir is more insulting than nigga or we are just lazy? I certainly wouldn’t mind to start this movement. The question as Chris Rock said will still be.

Can white people say KAFFIR???