Untold story of Nonkululeko (Freedom)

Freedom def: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action. State of being free

Nonkululeko which loosely translates to Freedom is one of my successful drama works that I wrote and co-directed; When work is completed people often only see that, but never know the layers that built the work.

Let me share.

I guess for a long while I had been fed up about the education system or rather ideas brought about by education, I had just completed my thesis which took a long struggle but finished; I love school and knowledge but damn education sells unfruitful hope most times.

I was angry, but I’m an introvert at best, I can’t express my anger outward, I am in my element through art.

Then came two students of mine, there was a competition, a theatre work was needed

“Jigga can you help us”

Jigga is one of many names I have; I might be an introvert but I am a lunatic in my own manner. A blessing in disguise I said, we had 3 days to make the work.

What if Freedom was physical? That you can see it or touch it, what would it look like? What is freedom? I am not in the slightest a political person, politics frustrates me at best, in South Africa, it makes me mad, but on one hand I have a logical understanding, so I was trapped in between, people’s thoughts and my own thoughts.

People want freedom, but what does it look like? What does it mean to be free?

As writer you sometimes create from what you know, what you feel, what you’ve experienced. I am no different, I create from what resonates with me, it can’t be momentarily, it has to be something I want to unpack and understand.

And my deep loath for educational ideas was at its peak.

So, I spent what I can describe as sleepless night constructing, finally created these three generation black characters, who go out to rob the South African Reserve, not for cash, but for FREEDOM, they believe Freedom is being preserved there… hidden from the people.

What happens next is but a journey of these three characters learning that they were able to get “everything” from the reserve except the one thing they were looking for, FREEDOM!

Neither character could identify what is freedom, here was all the money in the country but it didn’t make them complete.

I don’t know!!

I am an academic, I am a creative artist first but an academic I am, however as academic I may be, education, perhaps through out the world still needs investigating or re_adjustment.

People have so much worth, but we are put in boxes that we need to be “educated” in order to be something, bullshit I say, but I’m an academic what I am saying sounds bias.

The system is crooked, look at me speaking like a conspiracy theorists[Lol]

I don’t have a solution, my undying solution is that people need access to knowledge, just knowledge, a lot of it, because we end you getting politicians selling people the idea of freedom without necessarily knowing what that really is; but who am I, just a lunatic with many names.

Nonkululeko has been performed various times across KZN, in 2020 I gave the script to a young man from DUT who I heard did justice to it.

First performers: Mncedisi Zulu, Kwanele Gwala and Xolani Malinga.

Co_director: Simphiwe Fiddy Ngcobo

Just an ‘Apple”

One of the first theatre (drama) works I saw had this character, a teacher; He had this apple, he never ate it. For the whole time he’d keep wiping the apple until it would shine. That apple looked perfect, but we never knew how it was inside.

I hated that he never ate that Apple, I love apples.

Years when I was a little older I understood why he never ate it. The Apple represented him. He liked the idea of looking perfect, he was in the eyes of everyone a perfect teacher, but he was a vile man.

Sometimes people can be like that; All you get to see is the perfect shining outside, yet inside they are either vile or worse, hurt, crying for help, for someone to just give them a hug once in a while.

Yeah, kinda deep for an art work made by 14 year olds. Give a friend or stranger a hug day

Chasing moments

“Process over product”

There should be no doubt that we now live in a quick fix world, going from event to event, activity to activity looking for a quick fix. I am making it sound like a drug deal because essentially that’s what it ends up being, a certain addiction, were people can’t find themselves easing down to enjoy one moment because they fear they might miss out on another.

Okay, maybe I began too deep, that I sound like I am complicating what I want to talk about in this writing.

Del: I tend to miss things a lot, you know, the importants moment, so I always try to live 5 minutes from now.

This is a random line from the film Comet, it’s not a famous film, but it’s worth a watch.

I’ll get to how this quote relates to this reading a little later. Our “new” world is tuned to the idea that you have to impress people within the next three lines you say or write otherwise they will move on to the next moment; people are really in a hurry to live in the next 5 minutes from that right now, its terrifying.

Well, in a way it is terrifying, to miss moments, but it’ should be more terrifying to miss right now isn’t it? For the idea of process fascinates me.

I know I’ve said that so many times especially when it comes to art creation, but I also apply the same concept to people; that process of slowly building something is quite fascinating, it doesn’t matter what form of relationship it is, process is better than products, in a way that it’s thrilling.

In process you get to discover, you get to understand, you get to undress a whole lot of information, so to know how something/someone functions.

I learnt from a very young age to not do too many things at once, not that it’s a bad thing, people should learn as much as they want to; however I learnt or rather was advised by an individual who was much older and wiser than me that, I should choose one thing, choose one thing to love, and let that thing drive you to other places.

It’s advice that I’ve applied variously in life without ever realizing it. Art, after I chose it took me to a whole lot of places; my social circle after I chose it, introduced to me to things I never would have discovered alone.

The point I am making is, if there is a point, this quick fix world is scary, it’s scary because it doesn’t give people an opportunity to discover each other anymore, it’s quick satisfaction and you wake up the next day looking for a new dose, and if you can’t find it, you feel empty.

There is something in the idea of fishing that shows process over product; Fishermen intrigue me; sitting there for hours on end patiently waiting for a bite. I know people who could never be fishermen, because they are always itching for 5 minutes from now, and while they are busy scratching that itch, they miss the right now moments.

So serene, fishing.

I tend to miss things a lot, I don’t want to. To wonder what could’ve happened; It’s not a way to live. I’m not saying we should live in the moment rather I am saying, let’s enjoy the moment, for longer than 5 minute.

What is your view? Has process over product in human interaction disappeared? Is this good or bad?

“You’re such a nice guy”

This is one of those statement you live as a guy not wanting to hear really, especially from a female who interests you, similar to how there are words that make women’s vagina dry when you tell them to her like “I don’t have money” fuck such a stereotype.

Anyway you’re such a nice guy is probably equivalent to being a dick dropper; I mean if there is ever such a thing as a dick dropper, let’s be friends is definitely one, I’m sure.

The penis just coils up and shuts the door saying “well you’re on your own on this one bro”

I don’t blame it really, windows, curtains, and all the door, not only that your heart probably breaks a lottle, it’s like a little but a lot

I can’t tell you how much I am laughing as I write this l because I am thinking of so many time I’ve probably have come to hear that statement; I just re read this line, and I laughed even more

“You’re such a nice guy” everytime it is said I ask myself the question back, am I a nice guy? Why the fuck am I a nice guy, fucking hell; My brain has learned to automatically laugh every time I hear those words; sometimes I want to scream out “I am definitely not a nice guy, I’m just nice to you, cause I like you” but that sounds like a pick up line, which would contribute to me being a “nice” guy.

There’s that line ‘nice guys finish last’ I am definitely tired of finishing last, this is not me admitting I am a nice guy, this is me just saying it happens too many fucking times, that it’s frustrating.

I get it though, some women generally feel your “niceness” and want to keep it around them, that they fear if anything sexual or relationship related were to happen, she would loose it all, meaning you, and that’s okay.

Damn it, doesn’t make it anyless frustrating though. However as much as I hate you’re a nice guy; it has it’s benefits; One of them is you get to keep these awesome people around you. I’ve had a lot of women around me who I don’t fuck with, I can honestly say some of those relationships have been very fulfilling.

There’s a lot you can get from seeing a female other than a object of sexual desire. I mean of course there would be times I admit to myself that “damn girl, you are fine as hell”

I have been able to ask some of these girls close to me questions I’d probably never gotten to ask.

You’re a nice guy is a horrible statement, close to “let’s just be friends” as I mentioned

I don’t want to friends though, I want you! You’re single, I’m single, let’s be single together

Why do we have to be single apart though?!

Anyway, there are a lot of lines dropped on us as humans of sexual nature or social nature that puts us in our places whether we want to or not!

“You’re over-qualified” “You’re too young”
“You don’t have enough experience”
“blah blah blah”

What words have been used on you? Even if it’s the same words, how did you take it, like a champ or like a weasel?

I am here with my nice guy ears, waiting to hear your intellectual nonsense

“You’re not my type”

Having fallen for a different variety of women, most not even in the list of people I know personally, I had often wondered what is my type of women/person? I am yet to reach a conclusion of what is my type; I’d love to say I fall in the anormally of people who claim they don’t have a type, but with some certainty we can say everyone has a certain type or at least you know what is not your type.

I have for a long while since my teen years or even before that believed Asians or people of Asian descent were my type, there was just an existing attraction that I could not comprehend, however after coming to Asia and realizing I on the other hand may not be the ideal partner for an Asian, well because of cultural differences, if not ideologies; the question is, does this mean I have to change my idea of what my type may be?

Now, the first thing we need to address is what constitutes as a type? Many people of course have a variety of things they look for whether it be [Physical] [Emotional] [Psychological] [Imaginative/Creative] and [Financial]; Each box as you can imagine has it’s own complicated branch out. While others look for total opposites (opposite attract), others look for similarities; It only makes sense to ‘the individual’ in question.

That is however just the phenotype of it all, the genotype, the crux of it all is a little complex, FYI I learned those two words while I was in high school [Phenotype/Genotype], I can’t believe I found use for them, well, sorta, anyway it really is complex.

It is because you can really be attracted to someone but they can’t hold up a conversation or they hate everything you love, of course there is that word “compromise”, but how long can you really compromise on your values/beliefs, not watching anime with someone you love????! or they love computer games and you have no idea which button moves which part, it’s draining.

What is a type? Let’s look at what the dictionaries say


  1. qualities common to a number of individuals that distinguish them as an identifiable class
  2. something distinguishable as a variety
  3. a number of persons or things that are grouped together because they have something in common

Even the dictionaries are not being specific, but number three seems to resonate well with the content focused on here.

But, does it really matter that much if you’re religious and I am not? Apparently for some people it really does, no matter how over hills in love they maybe, it’s just an ice breaker; I need a wo/man who believes in the existence of the Lord or nothing, tough crowd, but we are born with choices, well, some, for others not necessarily; some cultures as we have grown to understand if you have your eyes open loath ideas of interracial dating, I am not sure if this is for another topic, for another time, it certainly has many layers.

Let’s wrestle with the idea of type for now, does ‘a financially stable man’ count as a “type” uhmmm not really, that’s a financial preference, whatever happened to rich or poor? Does a girl who can cook, count as a type? What year are you living in bro? some of the best chefs in the world are men, get out of here.

A person who is, who has, who can?

I recently went out on a date and realized while there why I may not be another person’s type, of course I was realizing this while I was seeing the other person across me, is not my type, but I want to focus on me, look inwards.

I realized that I enjoy certain surroundings while hating some, I have enjoyment for open spaces, artistic scenery, people in conversation, socio-political conversations, and in this quick thrill/quick fix world others may not be particular interested in that; people are living life’s were they want to live in the moment or forget shit (YOLO), drink, not everyone but fuck it is what it is!!!

I don’t know, I can’t figure shit out anymore, I certainly know I am a bad match for others, more people than I might have realized, I have strange traits that might not sit well with others, but others may find them attractive, that’s what this whole type thing can mean right, but I don’t know. One person said, you can convince a person you like to like you back by showing them traits that might appeal to them, uhmmm yeah sure but isn’t that being devious in a sense, I mean shouldn’t we be falling for people because they presented their real self to us? I know, I am sounding all fairytallie but what are we doing?

As I said though, I am struggling to find answers, you’d think around the age I am in you tend to have full grasp of these things, an understanding, but when the whole world opens up to you, you tend to have this realization that you really are insignificant, a blipp, but even as a blipp you should make the best out of it, well at least try to.

What is your thought? What is a type really? What is your type?

Whose nudes are these?

Nudes, probably an art form that has been done for years and we only appreciate its beauty now. I mean have you seen some of the old paintings? Those are basically nudes just that no cameras ‘existed’

I am here again with my intellectual bullshit to talk about nudes. Why send nudes? I mean why not? What is to be answered… the ultimate question of all these questions is this.. after we break up should all the nudes I have of you be deleted? Ooohhhh interesting question, I know.

When my friends read this, they will definitely complain, they said I am too sexual or rather I like sexual topics, well bitches, I am a “sexually” curious person.

Who can send nudes? Uhmm I can answer this with my eyes closed, anyone can send nudes to anyone, I mean, if you want me to appreciate what your momma gave or rather workout gave you then by all means share with me, I will appreciate with a thank you filled with heart emojis/thirsty drooling ones whichever ones that will make you feel good and send more nudes in the future.

I have received numerous nudes in my lifetime, lately it’s been dry though, huge sigh of disappointment, I don’t think I’ve made new friends yet who are willing to send me nudes for appreciation; which leads me next to the second questions.

Why send nudes? what possible reason exists for someone to send another person a nude? Firstly let me be honest, there is absolutely no reason to send a nude, especially if we are fucking already or will do it or want to do it; however as much as there is no reason to send one there are many reasons to send one or two, or a couple more

Nudes done right create this thrill, this excitement within not only the receiver but the taker of the nude. I don’t know about you but I’ve received nudes that made me want the person who sent me in bed right in that moment; I’ve received nudes that made my penis want to climb out my pants to have a little peak themselves, of course I had to say come down boy, this one is for my eyes.

Nudes are like an appetizer before the main course, like an advertisement, a sample, and you know how some samples can be, there make you want to buy the whole god damn thing. Finally nudes can act as foreplay depending on the reasons why one was sent; there are nudes you get because the person just wants to ask you how they look, yeah, those actually exist, from close friends, a friend who just writes “what you think?” and I look at the nude and reply “not bad, have you been working your ass out” but from a lover or a person of interest, a nude is the kiss/bj for the eyes… look at all this, just for you…

How does one take a nude? Oh boy! oh dear me!

Now to be fair, when it comes to bodies, female bodies have been more sexualized than male bodies, which is why when it comes to nudes female ones are more appreciated than males. However times have vastly changed, men’s bodies come with great appreciation depending on the circumstances.

So with that in regards, men don’t really know how to take nudes; I see memes even making a joke about it, when a guy sends a nude, it’s usually of his erect penis; In his mind what the receiver will appreciate is the size of his dick… but nudes are more than just about genitals, there is a rather artistic factor in it as shortly explained earlier.

The receiver usually wants to see the whole package, the genitals should be saved as a mystery really, should never be the main focus of the nude… ‘the skin, the muscle, the ass, the boobs, the six pack/belly, neck, hands, legs/thighs but never, I repeat never the face. I will explain why on the last question.

I am not a judge no executioner on nudity and dirtiness, people can really send their partners whatever they want, but I am stating a point of view.

My final addition to nudes is this; “relationships” end, no matter how strong the love can be or whatever, “relationships” tend to reach some type of expiry date, I have relationships in quotes because I am speaking about all forms of relationships. When relationships end people tend to get bitter, some angry, others feel regret, and others appreciation but nonetheless, you’ve given yourself to this person who is no longer in your life, the one thing you’ll regret is having sent that person nudes with your face on them.

Some people can be childish, it’s true; No matter how much you trust someone, it’s important to reserve 1% for doubt, just to be safe. You don’t want your nude photos to ‘leak’ out or worse be used against you some day.

This makes me arrive at the most important question of all, whose nudes are these? After our relationship ends and I have all these nudes you had sent me, some with faces, should I delete them?

I asked a friend Sabelo and this is he said..

“They are yours 100%. Gifts that were bought during the ‘relationship’ don’t go back to the one who bought em.

If you buy me a gift. Automatically you are giving sole custody of the gift. Whether I sell it, misuse it, keep it, pass it to someone. I have that right. Its mine not ours”

I agree, the nudes although have your body, they belong to me, no one returns a gift; with understanding of course that I will not do no harm. Nude testament

So, let’s all take a breather, let’s all appreciate this beautiful art called Nudes, sink deep into it, soak it, warm into it, stroke to it and indulge in it.

What is your take on nudes, I’d love to hear.

Greek Goddess: Oh! Mother! Oh Mother!

Possibly the longest post I’ve written… breathe

I shake my head in awe when I see how my mother has changed over the years; well let me clarify that statement, I shake my head in awe seeing how my mother has become “soft” over the years, especially concerning grandchildren; All the stories of ass whooping I used to get sound like Big foot stories to my nieces/nephews.

Get your coffee/tea/wine/whiskey or whatever hits your fancy, for a couple of minutes I want to take you on a journey, focusing on my mother as both the protagonist/villain…

For most of us, our mothers have been our heroes without capes for a long time, the unsung heroes if I may say, my own mother makes that list too; Although before delving deep I to this writing with honestly I can acknowledge that she has had her flaws most which is quite unforgivable really; my mom once whooped my ass when I had a broken arm ‘asking me why I broke it’ good times, but she is human after all.

In the stories I have written my mother has been a hidden figure in most personalities that drive my character either as their weakness or strength, today, in this writing, I thought I’d openly write about my mother, if not about mothers in general.

If there was ever a woman who exhibited male traits in her it was my mother, if I can use strong language “That bitch was cold, Ice cold” in her younger days. I once saw my mom beat up a guy twice her size in town for stealing a pack of her cigarettes. She took a phone battery, chased him down and did him bad… never steal a wo/man’s mean to get a meal, in this sense a woman’s means. (Chappelle)

In years I’ve seen her fight off a lot of a men, that is both literal and figurative, she of course didn’t win all the battles but she fought none the less.

The other day I threw her by asking her if she has ever been in love with the men she has been with, like really in love? She told me it’s complicated, she gave my own biological father as an example on how she had loved him so much as her first love but how she was young and he never felt the same way in a sense. She laid a detailed rollercoaster of how most of her relationships were, and before I even had a chance to do it, she admitted her guilts as well, that she did cheat one/two times, which I clearly remember cause I was covering for her ass, and ‘I was a child’

Anyway, the change my mom has gone through as a person is absolutely astonishing if not surprising; well listen I am not in anyway saying she doesn’t have her old traits but the amount is some compared to the past.

Her tone of voice has changed in how she speaks, I clearly understand that I am now a grow that we should respect each other as adults, her tone for my siblings has dired down as well… her fire still burns when talking to my nephews and niece but it’s always apologetic and kind.

I remember when my mom would chase my little brother on her morning gown, come back dragging him like a sack of potatoes because he challenged her. It was the worst mistake her made… I watched this idiot challenge mom early in the morning, I should my head. I don’t remember what the deal was, but I remember my brother standing up hill to our house saying he won’t do what mom asked? and confidently saying she can’t catch him either. I had a little prayer for my little brother that day and I don’t pray!

Couple minutes later after mom gave him a head start, she came back dragging him and he was crying like a pig.

Although I have honestly shaped myself to be what I am and who I am today, I can confidently state that mother, my mother has had an impact in how I crafted that design of myself.

Some most of my life decision were influenced by my mother or rather seeing her reaction and me reacting to the situation we were in.

I made a decision I don’t want to be a bad dad or bad partner because I saw how mom’s partners were like, not all were bad really, just circumstances made things bad, as mentioned mom too wasn’t an angel

I made a decision not to smoke because my mom really beat the shit out of me when she found out we were stealing her teabags to make cigarettes, I thought if I got such a beating for teabags, what beating would I get for the real thing, and of course I really didn’t like cigarettes.

With drinking, the day our uncle made us drink on Christmas Eve and the look in my mothers eyes when she saw me naked in the street drunk, and then crying, I knew that moment alcohol wasn’t for me, but of course many other events would drill it in my head that alcohol in my family was never going to work, I don’t think my family handles alcohol very well, it’s in our blood.

Ultimately however it’s the events that happened earlier in my childhood that made me determined; When Drake sings started from bottom now we’re here, it resonates with me, I mean really, as an individual/family we really started from the bottom, not gutter, but bottom and mother never faulted to work through it all.

I remember being woken up in the early morning to lock the door after she goes out to work, to sell her fruits and vegetables in town. I remember how cold it was, I remember how angry she would be when she missed the first taxi that hooted far way, that she’d have to wait another half hour for the next one… all that lost time was money to her. In all that, I remember being dragged into it too, were I had to wake up with her to town. I hated it, I fucking hated it.

I was a kid, had to wake up early morning, that cold would hit so hard, I was crying inside. The most happiest I’d be in those mornings was when we’d buy coffee and amagwinya/baked cakes, ahhh that was the sweet thrill.

Then I’d watch the weekend go by, Sat and Sundays, then it would be school holidays while most kids played sports I was counting change. In times I’d “escape” I had a special trolley mom would give me, so I could sell fruits d vegetables mobile.

Yeah, horrible decision, I found an arcade store, and my word did I spend my time there, one day, one day though, I didn’t realize the time, there were no phones back then, my mom just walked in the arcade, I knew I was dead, I walked out being dragged, no one helped me, actually people tried to stop her, but she’d just say it’s my baby or some nonsense like that and people understood.

I was a naughty kid, you’d think after such an ass whooping I’d stop going to the arcade, but I didn’t, it was my only escape from the world I was trapped in, world of working, studying and working.

When I grew up a little bit, which happened quite quickly, I made another realization which ultimately impacted on the person I am today; most the realization happened while the day has ended when my mom and I would be headed home. I’d look at her sleeping in the taxi, she’d really doze off, the day’s work had taken a toll on her. I realized in those moments that I don’t like this site, the site of defeat, I don’t want me or her doing this for the rest of her life and as a black person you put the idea that education is the key, so I did that too, in that time.

I tucked my head in books, if books weren’t my friend, it was TV or magazines. I didn’t know if I was smart or not but I was going to do something about that; tell you the truth, I wasn’t the smartest person in schools, but I sure damn worked hard, I don’t know what problems others had, perhaps worse than mine but I wanted to be my own hero.

So there it is, my mother directly and indirectly has had an influence in my life more than I could ever imagined, but like I said not all is great even the ones that look great, in a sense my whole childhood was stolen from me, but in exchange I learned valuable lessons and was able to become an individual, I discovered myself. I tell you after everyone realized that I knew who I am, people stopped bothering me, my mom stopped waking me up in the morning to sell fruits and vegetables, it was my little brothers turn…. sucker… but I was determined to do something.

However not everything works out as planned

What Mother stories do you have that you can share?

Kissing Anxiety

Kissing maybe one of the most exciting things to do sexually, I mean it’s the gateway to almost everything; it’s quite amazing, but it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Kissing Anxiety refers to the “fear” of not knowing when to/go for a kiss.

In the past I have gotten myself in what I believe to be “sexual” situations but failed to take advantage of them. I know this because I would that guy that sends those already too late “I should have kissed you text” a redundant text really

I sent those a lot when I was younger, and I thought when I was more matured I’ wouldn’t have to send those because I would have had an understanding and knowledge of when should I kiss her, but I was wrong.

So, here is my topic or rather posed question. When is the right time to kiss her or him, I am not sexually discriminating at all, I am sure girls suffer from this as well, maybe not as much.

When is the best moment to kiss her/him? I’m talking about first time kissing here. I asked this question that seemed stupid but smart at the same time. Which kiss is preferred? The spontaneous feeling the moment kiss or the asking, can I kiss you?

This one young lady ‘It’s a trap’ I asked told me both are quite delicious. Spontaneous is hot, surprisingly exciting, but asking can also be deemed romantic.

Damn it!!!

So both kisses have high potential of being amazing but also high risk of failing. The response “what are you doing?” when you try to kiss someone who doesn’t want to be kissed is awful, yes, I’ve had that one unfortunately, it sucks, hell it sucks. Furthermore, the NO, why? response from can I kiss hurts as hell; luckily I’ve never had that one, but I’m sure it sucks if not awkward.

So, when is the appropriate time to kiss him/her. We all need to agree that first kisses are hard and scary because you don’t know.

You don’t know if it’s going to work or not; what if she doesn’t like you that way, she only sees you as a friend or after you kiss, are you expecting to go all the way?

At the end of last year, I experienced the spontaneous kiss moment, actually I was definitely sure it was going to happen. I was talking to her and we clicked so well my brain was telling me I have to kiss this girl at the end of the day, I was scared of course, honestly I was and I didn’t know when it would happen. Should it be one of those quick ones when she’ gets into her taxi or what…

Then it happened, we were talking leaning against the tree, the weather was cold, you could see our steam from breathing. We got closer to each other, I think both of us knew we were going to kiss and then we did, it was exciting, thrilling, felt like a child getting ice cream.

After that it became easy to kiss her, even randomly. My point being there are absolute moments were you can feel sure, and there are moments were you’re uncertain because the person isn’t giving the kiss me energy…. but you really want to kiss them

What do you do? And if you don’t do it and later you find out you should have, what exactly do you do? Fucking terrible right?

I really didn’t think at my age I’d be suffering from such an issue, I should know better, well, that’s not true is it, there are lessons to be learnt in every experience, no matter how experienced you may be.

However the question remains how do you know when to kiss her and which kiss approach is the best one? Let’s have a little vote, which might help, maybe…

Has my sexual pleasure/satisfaction been a lie all this time?

This is not new news, for years science among many things has made the claim that men’s highest peak of sexual satisfaction comes from having their butts “played” with, not necessarily our butts but a section close enough to the butt.

I suddenly, randomly had a thought on this today.

If we are going with logic it would mean that many “heterosexual”/men/ have not experienced the full pleasures of a pure orgasm. We as men who refuse to have our butts touched even by our own partners, myself included have not experienced what a true orgasm feels like?

So, what have we been experiencing all this time? I don’t know, however I do have ‘some’ support for the claim. I remember I would have conversations with my exes were I’d point out how most women fail to understand that ejaculation doesn’t necessarily count as an ‘orgasm’, ejaculation is just that thing that can happen from literally anything, I dare to say from anything; however just like how women take time to reach their orgasm, men sorta have the same mechanism.

By the way I am in no ways saying sex is mechanical, sex is a mixture of a lot of things from the psychology to the physical, that’s a conversation for another day. Anyway my point is that men also have a state they can claim as full orgasm, a state were he has experienced pleasure at its most highest peak, without his butt being involve and then he is ready to release.

I dare to say that I have in the past experienced this type of pleasure; I am not sure if explaining it will give justice,buy My whole body had a jolt like feeling traveling through it, but I would not ejaculate, and then it would finally happen, I felt like my whole insides were being sucked out my body like in a horror film.

A lot of conversations still need to happen when it comes to sexual satisfaction and pleasure; a dialogue on how one likes to be touched or kissed or mentally aroused. People should be at a place were they are not afraid to share their “fantasies” or just the way they want to be pleasured.

I am old enough to understand what gets me going… to understand that I need to slow down at times or to pace up, and this and that. Don’t be afraid to ask questions after a session of sexual pleasure, no matter how good/bad you think you did, just conversate and go again.

I am not sure if I will ever delve into the full experience of an orgasm if it involves my ass being fondled with; I am man enough to say that it will make me feel a type of way. I am very open about my sexuality and the things that I can engage in, but I have my limits and I think my butt as a “heterosexual” guy is were I make my stand… maybe still pondering

What is your view on pleasure? Share, it’s a lovely year to open about a lot of things locked away in Pandora’s sexual box.

You probably read this before, maybe

You probably read this before and you are wondering what happened to this guy that he feels this way? Well I am not sure either

I feel as though I had forgotten what it’s like to feel something, to feel emotions beyond your own control for someone or something. Emotions that are not guided by your “sexual” desires first or desires to mingle, but emotions that unexpectedly hit you, and you find yourself… gasping.

In this world, a world that is socially ‘destructive’, people searching for momentarily fixes or hits or whatever, which is not entirely bad… how do you sift through all that nonsense and indulge in authentic moments?

Of course one way to find true authentic moments is to hang around people who resonate in the same frequency as you, it doesn’t have to be identical, but the along the same line; For me that would be art. I think people who have creative minds have a better understanding of me than those who only try to understand art. Yes, there are those that enjoy art but it’s not the same as the ones inside it.

No, I’m not saying people should find each other in their own circles, that’s a terrible suggestion, it would ruin the philosophy of opposites attract, but I am saying, the people in your circle connect with you on such a level that there are no words in the dictionary to explain it.

I am a believer in connection, even though I have been amongst the mass of humans who follow their sexual desires and other “curious” desires; I am a believer in vibrating so well with another human that when they vanish out your life, it damn hurts.

It’s a question I have been asking though, how does one find such a needle in this social haystack? This haystack of people who are still trying to piece together who they are, and might end up using you to figure some part about themselves.

Listen, I am not in the slight bit innocent myself, I think there are a certain number of corpses I might have walked over to try and figure myself out. I regret of course on how I made those people feel, but I am not certain I regret everything entirely since without the actions I did previously, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

That is a weird and dangerous statement isn’t it, but the truth in it is overwhelming.

The reason to have regrets is because the actions you did have changed how you see things.

Anyway, I don’t even know how I got here. My sincere aim was to talk about connection: where does one find it? Honestly, I don’t know. Some people are lucky to turn on that TV and boom their favorite type of TV show comes on, and others have to flip through a lot of channels until they discover what their taste is… and that’s basically what this thing can be like sometimes, but, you know the type of genre you are looking for, so flip through around that area, and who knows you might meet a stranger that gives you a feeling a dictionary can’t explain.