The Male Spec-actor

Def. : one who looks on or watches |One who pretends, but secretly watches.

Welcome to 2022 on this blog were we still talk intellectual bullshit. Oh I’m kicking the year off with an intense topic. Should men not be involved in solving issues that women face?

You know I am here to collect your perspective so after reading, please leave a comment.

Ideas are started by individuals, and then further perpetuated by those (social masses) who agree with the individual. This is not to say the social mass was not thinking this all along, no, it is to say, someone made a point they agreed with all along, and it’s refreshing and releasing when someone does that. So you form/ join the social league.

So, can you take away an individual thought in a big idea? You can’t really. In huge social movements there exists individuals. We resonate with these individuals.

So, let’s agree.

Yes, there are problems. These problems are someone’s fault, we technically know who’s fault it is, but the aim is not to point fingers, because we know pointing fingers leads to some fingers being pointed back.

How do we solve the problem? This problem of men treating women certain ways that are wrong! How do we solve these socially constructed ideas about women either their looks, intelligent and their worth? I don’t know really, but I know including the people who are part of the problem is definitely a good start. Making statements that “they don’t have knowledge to understand” the problens, that won’t solve it. Instead it’s a fire being built by a group of people, and it’s not warming everyone up to new ideas/thinking.

I understand people who shut Asian/White people down when it comes to conversation about race as we note “they won’t understand the problem” I do it too really, I’m guilty, but being guilty though I don’t shut it down completely. I go back to throw a few jabs again to see if they understand, if they don’t I get off the ring and maybe wait I don’t know until when.

I have been a witness of so many ill events/actions caused by men unto women yet it doesn’t give me enough knowledge because I am not in the body, I am viewing it from the other side and that makes it complicated.

I can never be women, it’s hard to even imagine being one. I am guilty that even when I imagine being one, I childishly think of having breasts.

Everyone needs lecturing, of course men need to stop being spec-actors of the multiple issues occurring; Women on the other have to know they can’t come into that battle alone, without some “men” on their sides. Yes, but who are these “men”

My problem is I don’t know where I stand, I am a man, I am probably guilty of many inappropriate acts towards women, some aware of, others not, I just need to be put in a circle of men that need to be educated.

So ultimately here are some questions.

  1. Can men, us be trusted to listen without reaction?
  2. Are we dumb that we don’t understand women’s problems? Like are we thinking they don’t exist?
  3. When the fuck are we going to fix “Black/Coloured people” issues? Why is the race issue always being pushed backwards
  4. I’ve said too much

Remember leave your intellectual bullshit, I want to here your thoughts. A link that was shared to me. It was interesting to listen to

Inherited Mumbo Jumbo

Let’s say for a moment I can admit that I am good at talking with women, something I oddly worked hard not to be when I was younger; Why, well because I didn’t want to be like my biological father who has apparently was very good with women, well the number of kids with different mothers he produced seem to be proof enough.

So just like a movie plot, I envitably put myself in a path I was avoiding. However there’s more fucking mumbo jumbo that seems to be (weird) & frustrates me.

In this blog I want to talk about the things we supposingly inherent without any dire knowledge, fucking nature/nurture situation right.

I never knew my father, he was rather busy putting his dick everywhere else than to come around check how his lookalike was doing; that’s the first thing that got on my nerves as  a kid, constantly being told that I looked like someone I didn’t know. People would literally look at me like a museum piece, in fascination, like “wow, you have his exact bone structure”. It seemed I inherent this man’s face, although I want to believe my face looks like my mothers, but whatever.

It turns out later I inherited a lot of things from this dude than I thought, things I thought were naturally my own desire, hell I still believe that, but the coincidence of it all fucked me up. Even the things that I inheritedly gained from my mother don’t make entire sense. My mother was apparently very good with maths and athletics (running) which I was naturally good at as well, in fact I loved it, and had no prior details that my mother was into it or good at it, naturally all my mothers kids attempted athletics in our school days, fucking weird, maybe it all that chasing she gave us to whoop us that became inherited.

I assumed math was just a thing I loved, it was natural to me. I’d spend days on end just studying it, so imagine my surprise learning later than my mom was also good in maths, again something she never really told me. In the maths department, I think my sister was the only one who kinda didn’t inherited the gift, sorry little sister at least you’re very good at accounting, which has numbers. Yeah, naturally my mother loves money, we all love money, but my mom is on her own level.

So how this post came about is that my friend Mlondi was laughing at me, I was telling him about a girl I liked, that I happened to have had the guts to kiss. He chose to change the whole subject and noted my “charming” ability with women, which I can admit I have, but not all of them, I’m very shy, that’s my kryptonite. However he continues to add that “bro, you were avoiding to be like your dad but look at you man, just a charmer”

He then goes “You thought you naturally loved martial arts too, but turns out it’s inherited from your father, you can’t avoid this shit”

Yeah, that’s the most messed up thing I heard a while back, the fact that my biological father was obsessed with not only climbing things but martial arts or anything related to karate; these things which I was growing up obsessed with, things that literally designed who I became right now.

That is fucked up right‼! Don’t get me wrong, in no way I am concluding that I am not my own person, fuck that, I know who I am, but that doesn’t mean the situation itself isn’t scary. I mean how many things do I believe I naturally like or love but no, it’s inherited?

We create our own fate, at least I believe that, most people put that faith in the many “Gods” that exists, and that’s fine too. We all should believe in different things, it’s what makes this whole living thing interesting.

I am in ponder though, really, how many things do I enjoy doing, love, gestures I make that were inherited that I don’t know about, is it even true or is it all just a coincidence?

What are your thoughts? Write me your weird shit, and let’s laugh about it.

Academic Orgy

Def: Orgy

-A group of people/friends or strangers that engage in sexual satisfaction with each other. It can happen in certain intervals of time.

I haven’t done anything creatively constructive in a while, not from lack of ideas rather from lack of inspiration; Inspiration to begin, other body inspiration etc.

However as I ponder on this, it occurs to me that I actually have something to speak out to the “world” in quotation marks because it’s not everyone who will get to read this, even though I’d like to reach that far.

I have different dialogues everyday, each uniquely interesting in its own way. Amongst these many conversations one that had awaken me was with my friend/brother Mlondi. We were again speaking arts and other things, what came up important was art academic writing.

I was reading a tweet that stated “when your dissertation no longer makes sense to you, it is then that it’s finished” I laughed out loud but became more sad as the statement went deep in me. I remember how that felt like, I remember going in writing my dissertation with a certain idea and what came out at the end was not entirely what I was saying, it’s not that it didn’the say it; the problem is it said things in a very complicated way that as reader you will get lost in translation.

This brings me back to the conversation my friend and I were having; Who are we writing these papers for? It becomes clear that we are literally writing papers to ourselves and the people in our closed spaces (academically enclined) hence the orgy title. I find that terrible, i hate it. For me,  part of the reason I delve into artistic creation whether it be practical or written, I want everyone to kinda have access to it, to experience my experience and either relate or find something that can help them.

An academic writing doesn’t seem to fairly offer that. My friend went as far as to say “who in the hood will understand what Stanislavsky is saying or even worse practically, who will understand the deep layers of a performer shoving a Bible into her vagina” frankly no one” these images are beyond their capacity; not because of being dumb, just a matter of understanding. I have seen it happen “what is happening in this thing?” As we watch a work that I watch and thought was very insightful.

Artist have such great ideas, but these ideas written on paper amount to nothing because the only person who will read it, is the person that wants to write an essay related to your work. The gentleman who is struggling to break through this idea that he has in the hood, where your paper could help will never get to see/read the paper, even if they do “wtf is it saying”

 So at the end you ask yourself is it really necessary, all this academic writing we do. Is it worth it, if it doesn’t help the majority, your written idea collects dust in the shelf or online somewhere. I’m sorry but I don’t what to write like that anymore; not many people read my blog but I can assure you many people read it then those who read my paper.

Which is rather messed up since I took more time writing the paper then a blog post, but this post is imbued with my honest feelings then a dissertation will ever be.

All this rubbing each  other out is tiring. Why do we have to distinguish ourselves as “academics” by producing papers that are difficult to read. Should we not rather aim to speak the simplest things that when any normal human being reads it goes ‘Oh shit! I could have said that too, I’ve seen that happen’ but nope we go for what the fuck did this person just say, do I need a dictionary to read.

I can tell you there are words in my dissertation that I still find difficult to grasp, because I don’t use them in my daily language or any language for that matter besides this academic orgy we all keep getting involved in.

So, what is the solution? How can we get better? I don’t know really, maybe we can keep writing blogs like these, open YouTube channels, you know for “Exposure” a word I am quite familiar with, and always tired of hearing. How much exposure do I need really, the sun has burned me already.

You can’t really attack academics head on, they will defend their reasons and frankly they would probably win with a lot of jargon words you’ll have to look up; out there someone has attempted it.

I actually wrote something similar to this years back titled What the Homi Bhabha? This new version confirms my fed upness about the whole academic writing situation.


What is your opinion?

Untold story of Nonkululeko (Freedom)

Freedom def: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action. State of being free

Nonkululeko which loosely translates to Freedom is one of my successful drama works that I wrote and co-directed; When work is completed people often only see that, but never know the layers that built the work.

Let me share.

I guess for a long while I had been fed up about the education system or rather ideas brought about by education, I had just completed my thesis which took a long struggle but finished; I love school and knowledge but damn education sells unfruitful hope most times.

I was angry, but I’m an introvert at best, I can’t express my anger outward, I am in my element through art.

Then came two students of mine, there was a competition, a theatre work was needed

“Jigga can you help us”

Jigga is one of many names I have; I might be an introvert but I am a lunatic in my own manner. A blessing in disguise I said, we had 3 days to make the work.

What if Freedom was physical? That you can see it or touch it, what would it look like? What is freedom? I am not in the slightest a political person, politics frustrates me at best, in South Africa, it makes me mad, but on one hand I have a logical understanding, so I was trapped in between, people’s thoughts and my own thoughts.

People want freedom, but what does it look like? What does it mean to be free?

As writer you sometimes create from what you know, what you feel, what you’ve experienced. I am no different, I create from what resonates with me, it can’t be momentarily, it has to be something I want to unpack and understand.

And my deep loath for educational ideas was at its peak.

So, I spent what I can describe as sleepless night constructing, finally created these three generation black characters, who go out to rob the South African Reserve, not for cash, but for FREEDOM, they believe Freedom is being preserved there… hidden from the people.

What happens next is but a journey of these three characters learning that they were able to get “everything” from the reserve except the one thing they were looking for, FREEDOM!

Neither character could identify what is freedom, here was all the money in the country but it didn’t make them complete.

I don’t know!!

I am an academic, I am a creative artist first but an academic I am, however as academic I may be, education, perhaps through out the world still needs investigating or re_adjustment.

People have so much worth, but we are put in boxes that we need to be “educated” in order to be something, bullshit I say, but I’m an academic what I am saying sounds bias.

The system is crooked, look at me speaking like a conspiracy theorists[Lol]

I don’t have a solution, my undying solution is that people need access to knowledge, just knowledge, a lot of it, because we end you getting politicians selling people the idea of freedom without necessarily knowing what that really is; but who am I, just a lunatic with many names.

Nonkululeko has been performed various times across KZN, in 2020 I gave the script to a young man from DUT who I heard did justice to it.

First performers: Mncedisi Zulu, Kwanele Gwala and Xolani Malinga.

Co_director: Simphiwe Fiddy Ngcobo

What the HOMI BHABHA?!

I remember the year was 2011, if I recall correctly only 3 people out of a class of about 50 students were able to pass the Homi Bhabha essay.

Excuse my next unintelligent writing for a second

“what the actual fuck Homi Bhabha?! What English are you writing? “

I felt very dumb at that time, to be honest, I doubt I still understand anything Homi Bhabha writes; my relationship with his writing doesn’t exist. However, my point is not clouded, not all writing is Bhabha writing, there are certainly worse writing, worse meaning more complicated and there are easier ones, however if you pick up most academic writings it’s not for the common wo/man.

I don’t know about you but I speak Human English, academic writing on the other hand hates human English; You put academic writing and human English in one room, one of them will be pissed off, academic English goes on dates with Shakespeare English.

To be an academic writer is very frustrating and straining most times. As Bill Blurr says It’s like going to the cinema to watch an end of the world movie (World War Z or Planet of the Apes), a movie basically about the end of the world, and being told its PG 13, What the Oxford?! There are things that you can’t say or do; you have to do this and that. I mean how can you make an end of the world movie and not expect people to run around swearing for their lifes?

I tell you right now, if a zombie was chasing to kill me, I’d produce more F. U’s than the Wolf of Wall Street.

My question then comes back to this, is academic writing only for academics? If yes, why though? why can’t academic writing be for the everyday man/woman, don’t want to offend anyone?  Yes, you can say it is for everyone but come on, you know what I mean, it’s not everyone that can read the Juggernaut nonsense that we academics write.

The worse thing is that some of the texts/readings that I have read in my lifetime as an academic are absolutely lovely, the ideas in them could be useful to a lot of young people in my field of theatre and performance, but the language in it makes it rather difficult. So, why is it like this? Well I have no clear answer, even if I did, I’d have to reference it, and we all know how annoying that can be; however, in my opinion again something that you can rarely have in academic writing. I think it’s because academics want to be distinct, establish themselves as a different breed of writers, not authors; My god! No, we are, as academics do not write fiction! We write words that can be proven, referenced in reality…yeah fuck off guys!

 The reason I am having this vent out is because 2 years ago when I completed my MA thesis, although very proud of it, in between writing it something got lost. The ideas and thoughts I wanted to share were not clear on paper as they were in my head; well because my words were deemed not academic enough!! That’s popular opinion. Ahhh fuck that. So, I ended up writing jargon which I only understood because I had too, and my supervisor was there to help me understand it.

I love academia, I really do, however that doesn’t mean I cannot question the way it is structured, the way it bends us in its will and fucks us. To be honest it would be chaos, yes, if some rules of academic writing were broken, a disaster would surely come but come on people. Are you really trying to tell me, you are only writing for those who can be able to come to varsity? That’s rather unfair, isn’t access to knowledge the one thing we should give each other in order to grow as people, I certain believe that. Our academic writings, especially all of them dissertations are busy collecting dust in the cloud or libraries until one day someone bumps into it then another 5 years pass. Oh! What?? What was that? People will surely read yours? Because when you wrote your dissertation you filled a gap that was missing? Join the line buddy?! We were also told to fil gaps… the language in that writing will make it difficult for the gap to be filled that’s the issue

I am currently reading a PHD dissertation proposal; honestly I have been out the academic reading game for a while; novels, books and blogs have infected my mind, and when I picked up that proposal I was hella confused, I wanted to call this strange writer and ask ‘what the hell are you saying? Speak English to me’. The idea seems solid but there’s that thing of, how many but only a few handful people will see it. Sir Ken Robinson truly wasn’t lying; academics live from their neck upwards; the body is just a tool to carry their heads to places.

What is the solution for this mess? Uhmm I don’t know really, it’s a long battle with old people; These academic fossils, when they say ‘Jump! You do it, otherwise you’re about to spend a decade trying to complete that dissertation. In conclusion, I don’t have an answer to this question I pose; I am hoping you the reader could perhaps offer an opinion to enlighten me.

What the Homi? Yeah