Inherited Mumbo Jumbo

Let’s say for a moment I can admit that I am good at talking with women, something I oddly worked hard not to be when I was younger; Why, well because I didn’t want to be like my biological father who has apparently was very good with women, well the number of kids with different mothers he produced seem to be proof enough.

So just like a movie plot, I envitably put myself in a path I was avoiding. However there’s more fucking mumbo jumbo that seems to be (weird) & frustrates me.

In this blog I want to talk about the things we supposingly inherent without any dire knowledge, fucking nature/nurture situation right.

I never knew my father, he was rather busy putting his dick everywhere else than to come around check how his lookalike was doing; that’s the first thing that got on my nerves as  a kid, constantly being told that I looked like someone I didn’t know. People would literally look at me like a museum piece, in fascination, like “wow, you have his exact bone structure”. It seemed I inherent this man’s face, although I want to believe my face looks like my mothers, but whatever.

It turns out later I inherited a lot of things from this dude than I thought, things I thought were naturally my own desire, hell I still believe that, but the coincidence of it all fucked me up. Even the things that I inheritedly gained from my mother don’t make entire sense. My mother was apparently very good with maths and athletics (running) which I was naturally good at as well, in fact I loved it, and had no prior details that my mother was into it or good at it, naturally all my mothers kids attempted athletics in our school days, fucking weird, maybe it all that chasing she gave us to whoop us that became inherited.

I assumed math was just a thing I loved, it was natural to me. I’d spend days on end just studying it, so imagine my surprise learning later than my mom was also good in maths, again something she never really told me. In the maths department, I think my sister was the only one who kinda didn’t inherited the gift, sorry little sister at least you’re very good at accounting, which has numbers. Yeah, naturally my mother loves money, we all love money, but my mom is on her own level.

So how this post came about is that my friend Mlondi was laughing at me, I was telling him about a girl I liked, that I happened to have had the guts to kiss. He chose to change the whole subject and noted my “charming” ability with women, which I can admit I have, but not all of them, I’m very shy, that’s my kryptonite. However he continues to add that “bro, you were avoiding to be like your dad but look at you man, just a charmer”

He then goes “You thought you naturally loved martial arts too, but turns out it’s inherited from your father, you can’t avoid this shit”

Yeah, that’s the most messed up thing I heard a while back, the fact that my biological father was obsessed with not only climbing things but martial arts or anything related to karate; these things which I was growing up obsessed with, things that literally designed who I became right now.

That is fucked up right‼! Don’t get me wrong, in no way I am concluding that I am not my own person, fuck that, I know who I am, but that doesn’t mean the situation itself isn’t scary. I mean how many things do I believe I naturally like or love but no, it’s inherited?

We create our own fate, at least I believe that, most people put that faith in the many “Gods” that exists, and that’s fine too. We all should believe in different things, it’s what makes this whole living thing interesting.

I am in ponder though, really, how many things do I enjoy doing, love, gestures I make that were inherited that I don’t know about, is it even true or is it all just a coincidence?

What are your thoughts? Write me your weird shit, and let’s laugh about it.

Whose nudes are these?

Nudes, probably an art form that has been done for years and we only appreciate its beauty now. I mean have you seen some of the old paintings? Those are basically nudes just that no cameras ‘existed’

I am here again with my intellectual bullshit to talk about nudes. Why send nudes? I mean why not? What is to be answered… the ultimate question of all these questions is this.. after we break up should all the nudes I have of you be deleted? Ooohhhh interesting question, I know.

When my friends read this, they will definitely complain, they said I am too sexual or rather I like sexual topics, well bitches, I am a “sexually” curious person.

Who can send nudes? Uhmm I can answer this with my eyes closed, anyone can send nudes to anyone, I mean, if you want me to appreciate what your momma gave or rather workout gave you then by all means share with me, I will appreciate with a thank you filled with heart emojis/thirsty drooling ones whichever ones that will make you feel good and send more nudes in the future.

I have received numerous nudes in my lifetime, lately it’s been dry though, huge sigh of disappointment, I don’t think I’ve made new friends yet who are willing to send me nudes for appreciation; which leads me next to the second questions.

Why send nudes? what possible reason exists for someone to send another person a nude? Firstly let me be honest, there is absolutely no reason to send a nude, especially if we are fucking already or will do it or want to do it; however as much as there is no reason to send one there are many reasons to send one or two, or a couple more

Nudes done right create this thrill, this excitement within not only the receiver but the taker of the nude. I don’t know about you but I’ve received nudes that made me want the person who sent me in bed right in that moment; I’ve received nudes that made my penis want to climb out my pants to have a little peak themselves, of course I had to say come down boy, this one is for my eyes.

Nudes are like an appetizer before the main course, like an advertisement, a sample, and you know how some samples can be, there make you want to buy the whole god damn thing. Finally nudes can act as foreplay depending on the reasons why one was sent; there are nudes you get because the person just wants to ask you how they look, yeah, those actually exist, from close friends, a friend who just writes “what you think?” and I look at the nude and reply “not bad, have you been working your ass out” but from a lover or a person of interest, a nude is the kiss/bj for the eyes… look at all this, just for you…

How does one take a nude? Oh boy! oh dear me!

Now to be fair, when it comes to bodies, female bodies have been more sexualized than male bodies, which is why when it comes to nudes female ones are more appreciated than males. However times have vastly changed, men’s bodies come with great appreciation depending on the circumstances.

So with that in regards, men don’t really know how to take nudes; I see memes even making a joke about it, when a guy sends a nude, it’s usually of his erect penis; In his mind what the receiver will appreciate is the size of his dick… but nudes are more than just about genitals, there is a rather artistic factor in it as shortly explained earlier.

The receiver usually wants to see the whole package, the genitals should be saved as a mystery really, should never be the main focus of the nude… ‘the skin, the muscle, the ass, the boobs, the six pack/belly, neck, hands, legs/thighs but never, I repeat never the face. I will explain why on the last question.

I am not a judge no executioner on nudity and dirtiness, people can really send their partners whatever they want, but I am stating a point of view.

My final addition to nudes is this; “relationships” end, no matter how strong the love can be or whatever, “relationships” tend to reach some type of expiry date, I have relationships in quotes because I am speaking about all forms of relationships. When relationships end people tend to get bitter, some angry, others feel regret, and others appreciation but nonetheless, you’ve given yourself to this person who is no longer in your life, the one thing you’ll regret is having sent that person nudes with your face on them.

Some people can be childish, it’s true; No matter how much you trust someone, it’s important to reserve 1% for doubt, just to be safe. You don’t want your nude photos to ‘leak’ out or worse be used against you some day.

This makes me arrive at the most important question of all, whose nudes are these? After our relationship ends and I have all these nudes you had sent me, some with faces, should I delete them?

I asked a friend Sabelo and this is he said..

“They are yours 100%. Gifts that were bought during the ‘relationship’ don’t go back to the one who bought em.

If you buy me a gift. Automatically you are giving sole custody of the gift. Whether I sell it, misuse it, keep it, pass it to someone. I have that right. Its mine not ours”

I agree, the nudes although have your body, they belong to me, no one returns a gift; with understanding of course that I will not do no harm. Nude testament

So, let’s all take a breather, let’s all appreciate this beautiful art called Nudes, sink deep into it, soak it, warm into it, stroke to it and indulge in it.

What is your take on nudes, I’d love to hear.

You probably read this before, maybe

You probably read this before and you are wondering what happened to this guy that he feels this way? Well I am not sure either

I feel as though I had forgotten what it’s like to feel something, to feel emotions beyond your own control for someone or something. Emotions that are not guided by your “sexual” desires first or desires to mingle, but emotions that unexpectedly hit you, and you find yourself… gasping.

In this world, a world that is socially ‘destructive’, people searching for momentarily fixes or hits or whatever, which is not entirely bad… how do you sift through all that nonsense and indulge in authentic moments?

Of course one way to find true authentic moments is to hang around people who resonate in the same frequency as you, it doesn’t have to be identical, but the along the same line; For me that would be art. I think people who have creative minds have a better understanding of me than those who only try to understand art. Yes, there are those that enjoy art but it’s not the same as the ones inside it.

No, I’m not saying people should find each other in their own circles, that’s a terrible suggestion, it would ruin the philosophy of opposites attract, but I am saying, the people in your circle connect with you on such a level that there are no words in the dictionary to explain it.

I am a believer in connection, even though I have been amongst the mass of humans who follow their sexual desires and other “curious” desires; I am a believer in vibrating so well with another human that when they vanish out your life, it damn hurts.

It’s a question I have been asking though, how does one find such a needle in this social haystack? This haystack of people who are still trying to piece together who they are, and might end up using you to figure some part about themselves.

Listen, I am not in the slight bit innocent myself, I think there are a certain number of corpses I might have walked over to try and figure myself out. I regret of course on how I made those people feel, but I am not certain I regret everything entirely since without the actions I did previously, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

That is a weird and dangerous statement isn’t it, but the truth in it is overwhelming.

The reason to have regrets is because the actions you did have changed how you see things.

Anyway, I don’t even know how I got here. My sincere aim was to talk about connection: where does one find it? Honestly, I don’t know. Some people are lucky to turn on that TV and boom their favorite type of TV show comes on, and others have to flip through a lot of channels until they discover what their taste is… and that’s basically what this thing can be like sometimes, but, you know the type of genre you are looking for, so flip through around that area, and who knows you might meet a stranger that gives you a feeling a dictionary can’t explain.

Chemistry

How does a person explain this feeling? This phenomenal chemical reaction, and no, I’m not talking about laboratory chemistry; I’m talking about the chemistry that happens between two humans, two people, individuals who might be strangers or might not be strangers, well given that we all start as strangers

However what about instant chemistry? What that chemistry that shoots up like morphine into your system and drives you wild; Does morphine do that or it makes you numb? Good feelings all around

This is what I want to talk about in this writing. Simply writing about it won’t do though.. so read in between these words and create your own idea of what I feel when I feel chemistry.

~Chemical reaction

I have been involved in a lot of experiments in my life, none have been more interesting than the chemical reaction that happens when ART is the laboratory.

Art is the hand that rubs the lamp, what comes out is something only wishes can be made off.

Remember I am talking about you

Our chemistry is like water slowly building up from our feet, to our knees, rising up and then we drown in it. We drown in it but we can still breathe, we breathe through touch and through this feeling… this feeling.

I remember clearly dancing with you; it’s like having sex on the dance floor with our clothes still on. I want to stay close to you a little bit longer, I want to grab your hand a little bit longer til I am holding on to you by my one finger. At the PRESENT, I’m talking about you.

Chemistry is like poison, the one that kills you slowly. The poison that infects the air, so you don’t even realize that you are inhaling death.

Chemistry can be a beautiful illusion, but my god a wonderful trick it is…it keeps me floating, I can’t really feel the ground.

I want to touch you all over, not physically, but just breathe around your skin. I want to dance with the energy you

Close your eyes.

Imagine me and you.

All the things we could do.

Only when the time is right.

Chemistry is what you and I have, and I want to make it an adventure and explore it, after that I will write a map on both our skins so we don’t ever forget it.

But if you ever forget I,
Just imagine
Imagine you and I/ don’t laugh that feeling is real/
Your attraction, I thought it heals… but now I’m in too deep, I/
Like death it reels me in deep, I/
Instantly I combust, don’t ask, with you I’m clear as crystal, but convoluted by your touch, I/
You and I,
We Walt and Chemistry/
Deadly combo Heisenberg

If you didn’t get that, damn you bitch, if you did then hell yeah bitch! I am really going to be high on you, and already I think I’m addicted.

I want to know from you, whoever is reading, what chemistry is like to you?

Resume for a relationship

To be honest sometimes being “single” is a great option, it saves you the hassle of having to undress yourself again and again; In this scenario undress means both literal and figurative. To try and begin a relationship is slowly becoming annoying, especially as a person who knows who they are; I know I am interesting, and can be interesting to most people, but it’s hard to show that in a few lines of conversations. I feel tired about it, I still want to mingle with people, women to be specific, but I’m tired of all these questions, were sometimes the answers don’t really say anything about who I really am.

So on that note, I decided to write something silly but serious; a resume for “relationships”. Which strange enough might actually be a thing. Relationships is in quotation marks because we are adults people, some relationships are really for intimate reasons. My resume might mix words and poetic writing together.

Grey is an unsure color, just like me. I am unsure if I still want play the “I wanna get to know you game”

No really, I’m tired of having to say what my favorite color is; It’s grey, so before you try to mingle with me please read this. If you found me online, depending where online, no that’s not my real name; online I’m like a product, I have to sell both truth and lies, I decided lying about my name is the easiest lie.

I like sports, physical sports, all types of sports, except rugby, I don’t get it and basketball, I like the anime versions. I love people but I hate social gatherings, there make me revert back to my really shy self; Oh yeah, I’m shy but not really shy.

I hate being in closed social spaces; I’m more of an adventurer… I get curious a lot but not curious enough to drink alcohol or do drugs but curious enough to make out with a stranger that has a great smile.

Yeah, I’m a good kisser… at 96% of times

I like to laugh and make people laugh, although recently I have realized a few things really hardly make me laugh now.. everything is so serious!!

I’m not online much, I don’t know why. I love sex, I’m good at it too; however I like conversations, I have a lot of nonsense to talk about… but you gotta talk too, I’m not a comic.

I’m an artist. I love art. Performance arts to be exact. I think performance arts exist everywhere really. We are pieces of performance work

The real reason I am writing this, is really I’m tired of having to say my favorite color all the time I try to get to know someone. I hate questions, I prefer knowing a person just by conversation. Just tell me any nonsense about yourself and I will put my ear on the table and indulge, and tell you about my nonsense, that way it will feel like we know each other than being strangers interviewing each other for a certain relationship.

Depending on what type of person you are, I’m totally boring, especially if you’re not patient; unfortunately these days I don’t think anyone is patient. I want to think I am like a sling shot that you pull back, the build will yield much better result. I like the process more than I like the results, I always say that even when I make theatre work, maybe same with relationships.

I honestly don’t think I am funny, but somehow I seem to have the ability to make people laugh, it’s really strange. I love ice cream, I think Ice cream dates are the best; When eating/licking ice cream with someone and talking it sort of makes you feel like a kid inside. I like that feeling, because it’s always there.

I think people are more free now but it’s scary because it makes us not sure about what people’s intentions are; either you’re not sure about what you want and other people are not sure or you’re not sure, if you know what the other person wants.

Honestly I don’t think I know either that’s why I prefer process over products, the process makes me see clear what can work and what will fail and how to amend.

Senses

I have been thinking about my senses lately; the things I’ve experienced through my senses. I don’t think these writings are complete but they give off a certain idea about the stupid things I let my senses indulge in. I think in future to get to know someone, I will surely ask them their fav senses, and I hope after you read you can share what intrigues your senses too. Make coffee or smoothie or whatever drives your fancy.

1.Decibel

The unit of Sound is decibel. I learnt that in high school.

Sound is everywhere even in silence.There is sound. Even when you close your ears and eyes as tight as you can, you can still hear sound.

In sleep there’s still sound in my dreams. I am in love with different noises and sounds.

I love the sound the drain makes when it’s sucking up the last bit of water; it turns into a vacuum.

The sound of cash as it ripples through the ATM, who doesn’t love that. I love the sound of old music, it has the ability to awaken memories, moments that can’t repeat.

The sound of argument amongst the gents in the hood. Always makes me shake my head in laughter.

I love the sound of air when I am on a bicycle with my eyes closed; it makes me feel like I am flying, if not in a movie.

I love the sound of cracking bones or loosening of muscle when I stretch out. It always feels like my body is breathing.

Yes, I love the sound of old Asian movies, it makes me feel like a young kid waiting to go outside and attempt all those tricks.

I grew up too quickly really.

I love sound, I love noise. I love the noise that occurs during sex. I do, the sound of oooh and ahhh coming from my partner. Pun intended.

There is sound and hearing it makes me feel alive.The sound of pouring rain on my roof at home, it calms me; then the leaking sound that randomly hits face, brings me back to reality.

Then finally, if there’s ever such a thing; my love and hate for the sound of applause. I love giving off that sound but hate receiving it; it always makes me feel weird inside.

Wouldn’t the world be better if we began to listen more than we talked.

2. Sight

The moon shines so brightly; I could stare at it for hours on end, just as I would stare at you.

There are things that bring joy to my eyes. My sister’s face is one of those things. She doesn’t have to speak nor smile, her face is priceless.

Watching bodies dance. There is something about movement that enchants me. It pauses me. I imagine myself in there moving too.

I am attracted to smiles, real smiles that causes wrinkles around the eyes. I’d marry a girl who has a great smile and forever make her smile.

Animation, cartoons. What a sight to see; there’s something about watching these dumb illustrated objects. It brings peace into my old heart.

The sky; the sky is like a clean page where anything can be written. With my eyes I write every fantasy I can think of; I love watching the pale blue sky.

3. Olfactory

There is a certain smell that you produce during sex; it entices me like a moth to light. Science says we produce these sexual hormones that cause attraction. If it’s true, I want to stay in your skin.

After the rain stops, there is that smell that hits at the back of my nose. I want to indulge in it.

Paper, newspaper and that smell from a newly bought novel. That’s the first thing I always do when I get a book; smell all the content in it. So dumb.

Uncle Rajah. Rajah makes me remember watching my mom cook; that smell puts a smile on my face.

I hate coffee, but the smell of it opens up my nostrils like a dog that has smelt smuggled cocaine.

Vaseline, the original body cream, I use to hate it too. My aunt rubbed it on my skin so much I knew I’d be baking in the sun.

Come take a look at this grass Eddie Murphy said… the smell of grass after a trim.

There’s a flood of old memories again playing in my head so quick it’s a marvel film introduction.

The ocean breeze, I can’t swim but I can smell the air the ocean throws towards the shore.

4. Taste

The things I have tasted are not enough, my well is still empty; like a travelling chef I want to taste every meal from every culture.

Taste is never ending; I love the taste of skin. I bite the soft bits of my own skin, if not the one I am sexing. I love to nibble just a bit on skin not with teeth but with the flesh part of my mouth.

There is another part of the skin I enjoy the taste of, it hides in between your legs. This line has been a repeat, it assures me that I love being intertwined, in flesh were bodies are in heat together.

Apples. I have nothing more to say than the name itself. Apples.

Bacon… ahh Bacon an insult to my health, an indulgence for my tongue.

So many things I love to taste, so let me rather write about those that I hate.

I hate the taste of onion. It makes me sick. I mean that literally. If giving up was a taste it would be number one, since it isn’t I hate the taste of earwax. Shut up you’ve accidentally tasted it too.

Taste of badly burnt food, it reminds me of my failure. The taste of ink, yeah, I’ve accidentally had that too

5. Touch

I could never write poetry as good as my favorite writers. They could paint words in the ocean; mine can’t even swim in a pool.

So I decided to write my own words; words that I could laugh at when I read them out loud.

I love the feel of a baby’s tiny hand when it wraps around my finger. It makes me all cute inside.

When I was young we use to clean chicken feet with hot water. After that chicken foot was naked, I’d lay my cheek against it. I love the touch of chicken feet on the cheek. It’s so tender.

Just like nipples our heads have these multiple nerve endings. I love the sensation that I get during a head rub, only when I am lying on top of soft breasts and a beating heart.

Touch. Tender. The pecking and intertwining of lips. I love to kiss, maybe I got too many kisses when I was young, so now I have a curse for yearning to kiss soft lips.

Rain. Rain on my skin. The feeling of rain leaves me happy. Just as hearing it leaves me feeling calm.

I am not ticklish, except on the sides of my body; I discovered this when I was young. No, I’m not a virgin, just ticklish on one place.

The feeling of the dance floor as it plays with my skin. I love the conversations that the floor and I have… the possibilities, the discovery and injuries.

If there could be one last thing, I love the feeling of hand holding. There is a just something about it

There’s probably billion of grammatical errors, I apologize. As Dave Chappelle once said if you’re standing too close to the elephant, all you see is it’s penis like skin.

Why we all should apply for jobs we don’t qualify for?

It’s easy and probably honest to make the statement that they are people who are in jobs they don’t qualify for; a lot of various factors go it explaining how. It could be due to corruption or nepotism, good looks, race etc. It’s not all bad really because some people are there because they took an opportunity, others started an opportunity.

Before I go far, let me clear one thing on the side. We can’t all go into starting our own businesses, not that it’s impossible, but frankly some of us are not built as leaders; being a leader who can manage people takes something that most people don’t have; some people thrive better as followers and that’s okay, don’t judge; appreciate that skill and ability.

Now that is out the way, let’s get to the main topic; why we should all apply for jobs we don’t really qualify for?

I can’t really prove the next statement what I can say is I am making it as an artist. It’s no more in the arts that there is an existence of people who don’t really qualify to be there… please don’t take the words ‘qualify’ literal. I for one have worked with hundreds if not thousands of people, and I truly understand the existence of natural ability when it comes to arts, especially performance arts; individuals who just get it and they are great at it.

Qualify for the Arts means people who don’t necessarily work hard to be there, individuals who are there because as explained earlier they knew someone or they are just pretty. Guys let’s never escape that truth… some people are in there because they look beautiful. It’s okay, well maybe.

In the arts we have people with law degrees, science, biology, psychology etc etc. Then you have the artist who put a whole lot of years in the craft doing who knows what… well I have something to say to my fellow artists.. get the fuck up and apply for a marketing job, science anything really, you’re an actor, a performer…

Okay let me clear that out in better language.

I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a position I didn’t necessarily belong in; I have been in politics, and was in favor to be a leader in the field and I don’t even like politics; the people in there however loved me.

I have worked at a bank, sort of, yes, I am an artist; and I’ve been in various types of marketing jobs. None of these jobs I qualify for, what I did was, there was an advertisement and I applied, I told them what I am good at and how it fits to what they are looking for.

It’s strange isn’t it, not really, people admire and are attracted to those with the right energy, people who know what they really want; it’s an attractive facet to have, I certainly find it attractive, even in women.

My friend, Mlondi in desperate times, desperate adventurous times really; He once applied to be a maths tutor, the man knows nothing about maths really, he said so himself, however he was willing to learn along the way.

There he was in front of maths board members having been selected as an interview candidate. My friend tells me he sat there convincing these guys that he was the guy they were looking for, that he has been tutoring for years now, he understands the workings of it all, the system of learning. He told no lies, all he was doing was hype his ability, and use the right energy.

The board members laughed, they deliberated, they were all in agreement that this man was the right guy for the job.

Of course he wasn’t taken, however not because of lack of trying. Just politics.

Sounds like motivational bullshit doesn’t it? Well it does, but it is as truthful as it can be. There are not many jobs out there, but perhaps there are, it’s just you don’t think you belong in it; either you believe it’s below you or above you. You have to understand your ability.

I’ve taken jobs were I was in a hot costume, had to run the whole day during comrades marathon giving strangers hi 5s…tell you what, one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. After a while in that job I got promoted.

My friend Sanele who has a drama degree was a bank consultant, can you believe that? I trust this man, but not with my money?? I can tell you that never!!! Yet he worked to convince people that their money was save with him and good at it too, bravo arts

My point is, if their looking for a PHD, convince them why you with a high school certificate are much better suited for the job. If their looking for a science guy, convince them that with your drama dance degree you can be a better suite for the position.

It’s far fetched I know, not all positions you will get really. However here is what you will get, a response that tells you how to be better, a response that can offer you a difference position because damn you know your way with words etc.

As always I am on my intellectual bullshit, but you know what? it’s gotten me pretty, pretty, pretty far