Alternate Ending

We’re sitting in your car and I tell you, I love you, but you already know. You know that because you can see the way I look at you, the way I laugh with every muscle in my body.

So this doesn’t change our fate.

I look look at you, holding your hand in mine. It feels so natural, this will not change the outcome of our future though.

I tell you I’m afraid to be with you. I’m afraid because I am in love with you too much and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.

If I take you right now to be mine, it will only be you and me on the road ahead. Our colours clash, these man made colours of skin, yet
here is my heart beating for you.

I tell you ours is a dangerous love, a Shakespearean love, only leading to death of each of us.

You already know this though, you’ve told me a million times before in tears. My chest has been a handkerchief to many of your watering eyes.

You already know me and you being together will burn bridges, yet like the moon yearns for her love the sun, you yearn for me too, as I do for you.

Yet, that won’t change the ending. This confession won’t change the ending in stored for you and me.

The moon is bright, the sky is dark and clear. It’s a perfect engagement of dark and white, just like you and I.

I lean in, you meet half way, right at the border were our lips would meet.

I am looking into your eyes, this is something I’ve wanted to do since..

We kiss. I kiss you. We melt in each other. You kiss me. There’s nothing else except you, me, the moon, the dark sky, inside a little car at the parking lot.

The future now changes

You like that? I hate that, let’s get married or some shit.

They say opposites attract, I say god damn, this is Romeo and Juliet all over again, someone will end up being dead.

Wait, who’s they? uhhmmm I don’t know.

It’s good that y’all support different teams, until someone says no sex, because Arsenal isn’t in the Top 4 again, that’s a long time without sex.

Opposites attract, like magnets drawn to its counter part, how true is that though? That we are drawn to people who are opposite us?

The question I want to ask is “Should we like people because they offer us something we lack or should we like them because they offer us similar taste?”

Of course I am not asking that question with intention of getting ‘the’ answer, there isn’t such, for such the right answer doesn’t exist.

While writing this I had a realization that I’ve never had a successful relationship with someone who wasn’t into art in some way, whether they loved it as spectator or as participants, it’s such a strange thing but it’s true; I am shook, because it was never my intention but that’s how it is.

In all that however, I am not really taking the side that suggests we should be with people who are similar to us, neither the latter, I am saying it’s complicated.

I have crushed on many people who were highly different from me, finding them to be utterly attractive, even right now, I am attracted to various people who have intellect that fascinates me.

These statements or social quotes, whatever, have blinded us for quite a long time, I think it’s about time we re_look at them and reboot their meaning, maybe when the statement was made it was for scientific reasons, and people just went along with it.

I’m not entirely sure what causes attraction, if I did, I would pause that button for a while because it can hurt to be attracted to someone who’s not attracted to you or both attracted to each other but circumstances don’t allow it.

It’s better to go with your feelings really, if you base attraction on the standars of science, well good luck to you Romeo/Juliet, see you on the other side.

However, the question still remains, I can let it hang in the air. Do you have standards in which you base your attraction on?

Write to me, invite me into your thoughts.

What makes great sex? What is great sex?

This is my second writing in 2 months related to sex? It could be my psyche telling that I’ve gone perhaps too long without it; 5 months is long, OMG! Well, I am in a foreign country, it’s going to be a while. Okay, let’s get to business or pleasure; See what I did there? first of all, answers to the above questions come in floods, quite a lot of different answers I got from the people I asked, and of course using my own experience, the answers as many as there are, there are certainly commonalities within them.

I have had quite a few sex(ual) experiences in my life, more than I thought I would have when I was young; honestly I didn’t think I would sleep with as many females as I have in my life, of course I shall not disclose that number; it’s not a hectic number, I’d like to think I am not a whore, but that’s another question we should ask ourselves; what defines a whore? Is whoring not supposed to refer to sex plus remuneration? Unless I am mistaken? However, in this changing world whore has been redefined.

Anyhow, I wanted to explore this question of what makes great sex? In my fair share of sexual activities, I believe I have had moments where I would refer to the sex as being great. Of course, I think we should all engage in sex to make sure it becomes a great experience, but we have our bad days, don’t we? Sometimes you just don’t feel it, and it could range from a variety of things.

I certainly have had those days too, sometimes, honestly were I was bad, performance not at its peak; then you hope you can have her again so you can redeem yourself but it never happens again; I mean why would it; it would be like giving an assassin a chance to kill you again after they missed their shot. However, come on, let me redeem my strokes, no can-do baby doll. Don’t you just hate that, being unable to repair that bad sex you gave, especially with someone you wanted.

Anyhow

The answers I was able to get from those I asked prove something I was expecting, that being, there is so much pressure on male performance in sex than there is on females! Yes! The guys have burdened themselves with this pressure of having to perform and lasting longer, that lasting longer automatically seems to be a factor in defining great sex, it can be; unfairly there doesn’t seem to be much pressure on women as long as the legs are open, and “they” are enjoying it.

However of course they are individuals like myself and others who are flipping that script, who “require” the woman to be equally performative during sex, I mean we are both enjoying this experience, you are getting something out of it, so make it worth my while as well.

So, here we are, trying to answer this (these) questions about sex. I realized that ‘Genitals’ hardly play a role, I mean there is that percentage that it contributes as some highlighted, however, it’ barely scratches the surface.

So big penises, tight vagina, it doesn’t really matter, it all comes down to what can you do. You probably have read a lot on how to be great in bed? How to perform better? Sexual position? Or watched a lot of porn to be get inspired; Out of all those I mentioned it’s fair to state porn doesn’t help much realistically; Every sales person exaggerates about the product a little bit so you can buy it; Porn sells sex, and sometimes very well; the storylines though need a fix up.

Where was I? Per usual in these blogs I write, I like reflecting on my own experience and it won’t be any different with this writing. In my defence, I was young during these times, however given the opportunity, I’d still engage in the acts; in fact, I still have a lot of sex in me that I haven’t explored yet.

I’ve had sex on public stairs, public loos, I’ve had sex on the roof, other places I can’t mention; I’ve had sex on top of a table (My partner being dinner), by a tree, in the shower (location). All these experiences satisfying in their own way. Yes, of course in between if I am honest there were those that I didn’t enjoy very much, why? I think it’s the common factor that I was able to get from everyone when I asked what makes great sex.

I remember how thrilling the quickies I had with my ex were; I recently read a meme that read “quickies” are important in life, and honestly, I cannot deny that fact. Quickies offer this exciting release between two people; sure, at most times the guy is only person that comes, but thing about quickies is, it’s not about lasting long, it’s about enjoying that short intimate penetration between two the two of you.

My ex would be on her way home and I’d see her ass and just want her right in that moment, I mean it happens, then boom! Her skirt would be up and against the wall both of us in ecstasy. Surprise sex can count as a quickie too, and damn is it exciting! I remember one time she just walked in, probably a bad day. No hello really, kissing happened. My clothes were taken off instantly, she pulled up her skirt and sat on me and rode me like crazy, I was bitten that day too. Yes, great sex it was.

Moving on from those images, having sex on the roof was one of the most exciting sexes I’ve had, again the question remains what made it great? With this one, a lot of elements made it great, besides location, one factor being it had been dragging along for 2 years. It was written in both our minds, hearts and genitals that we wanted to have each other.

Yes, ladies and gents, there it is that important element that makes sex great, that is, desire.

DESIRE that is reciprocal.

Reciprocal of course means what it means, desiring each other, that your desire for each could move the earth itself. You could say “but JC, you can’t have sex with someone you don’t desire” well you’d be quite wrong; it’s possible for desire to be one sided; People have meaningless sex quite more often than you’d think.

However, when you desire to satisfy the other person as much as they desire to satisfy you, sex rather becomes something else. Let me be clear, being curious doesn’t really count as desire; being curious about someone can be one sided, unless that curiosity is reciprocal then perhaps, but it’s questionable.

When you desire to satisfy someone as much as they desire to thrill and satisfy you there are no limits to what can happen during the sex you have. People sex is nice, it really is, if you’re willing to let yourself go and enjoy it.

So, desire, let’s place desire as the number factor that makes great sex, and then coming next to that is positions/style that your partner gets into. I want to believe this is the only time that styles/positions can be considered as a factor to great sex. Yes, positions by far contribute to great sex. You know there’s that position he puts you in or that position she gets into that makes it feels like heaven is on earth… Yeeyyyi!!!

Yeah, my mind just went quite far right now here be thinking about the positions the people I have been with get into. There are more factors though, if it was just desire, we would be in a problematic world.

Men have been known to look at women sexually, especially when she looks quite attractive, dressed attractively, sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a nice dress; we are a waste, I know. However the one thing no one wants to talk about is how women do the same, you’ve read books, actually you don’t even need to, just ask a close female you know, women are honest to tell you that “Yes, they do check guys out” I have been direct in asking those questions: Ass is known to be an attractive facet for females in men; I think I wrote about this year’s back in one of my post, I remember stating

“Gents, time to work on that bum, you need it for good thrusting”.

So, what is my point? How does this link to great sex; well it’s rather obvious; there is greater enjoyment in sex if your body is deemed attractive. Let me be clear, this is not me saying, you should work out now, be fit, that you are fat, fuck that; all body types are capable to be great sex givers, if your partner/person finds your body attractive there exists a mental satisfaction already without having even touched them.

Honestly, as I keep writing it seems impossible to pin down the exact things that make up great sex, there are many. You can be so beautiful but be whack in bed. You can have a bid dick, and be horrible in using it. You could have a small penis, and still be horrible too, and that’s just a waste; but you could be very great at giving head/going down on her. And there’s another factor that is quite helpful when engaging in sex or creating sex that can be deemed great.

The satisfying of your partner/person without penetration. I spent a lot of time learning how to be good in that department, and of course you always keep learning sometimes during the act, I believe I have gotten to myself were I am confident that using my mouth I can get my female partner to her destination. They say practice makes better.

To have great you need to be able to use these other sexual actions required in sex use hands, use mouth or even toys, just know how to do it. Some of the answers I got on what makes great were “Great foreplay” makes good, great sex. Foreplay is interesting; foreplay is like a chef tenderizing the meat before cooking it. You get the meat to be nice and tender, the meat is able to be manipulated at will after tenderization.

If foreplay is done just right, the results are similar. With foreplay you fuck your partner psychologically and/or mentally. It was Chris Rock who said something along the lines ‘Dick should be a reward that she gets. You tongue ability should fulfil her, then when you whip it out, she’s like OMG there’s still dick’. Again, it’s goes back to the pressure that men suffer in having to perform, damn! We should change the game.

I am not a huge fan of head, however I have enjoyed quite a few I’ve had from the people I’ve had sex with. Head given on a quickie is rather intense and really pleasurable isn’t it. It really gives the words of great sex a vibration. People, great sex is really hard to pin down; As I keep writing I am realizing that there are more and more factors. However, “DESIRE” remains at the top of the scale/rank.

Desire that is reflected makes sex exhilarating. I can recall the many times, I’ve gazed at a partner’s eyes, I mean looked at her and she looks back, and the air changed in the room, even amongst people and I knew I wanted her and she wanted me. It can happen to even strangers in that moment you know, if not later, sooner both of you will be screaming in blasphemy somewhere.

There is one factor I must mention, that contributes in having a good intimate relationship with someone and producing great sex as a result, that is being able to communicate. Yes, that’s another factor, I should have mentioned it earlier, being able to communicate what you want. Even during the act, itself, it can be recommended, if she s/he flips into that position you know does nothing to you, uhmm tell them.

Well, understanding though that sometimes sex does needs sacrifices, that you can let your partner have 1 or 2 positions because they like it, not that it does anything for you, but because it gets them to that state. If you want to try something new with them tell them. Aghh this is turning into me giving sex advice, eeeuuueewwww! I am merely trying to answer what makes great sex!

For me to get a clear perspective I need you the reader to share your thoughts. I am interested in knowing what makes sex great for you, yes, you, the person reading this. I’d really be a fool if I believed I could fully answer such a deep query by myself

What makes great sex for you? What gets you going, don’t be afraid, remember communication is important.

The act of pleasure: Sex vs. Love

Sex without love expresses our lower animal natures, the enemy of reason that should control the psyche. Loss of rational control in sex might still lead to condemnation of casual sex on prudential grounds as leading to addictive promiscuity. But loss of control in sexual acts can be conceived as something good, a release from our ordinary repressed selves and our mundane concerns, and the closest we “come” to unity with another person.

And distinguishing this loss of control in the heat of passion from loss of control over when to engage in sex allows us to see that casual sex need not be addictive. Just as we can eat for pleasure without becoming gluttons, and can enjoy making money without becoming miserly hoarders, so we can have sex for pleasure without becoming addicted (In love/In a relationship).

Sexual desire and love are fundamentally different psychological states. Love is other-regarding, an identification with the loved one’s interests and long-term commitment to further those interests. It is relatively exclusive: we love several people at once, but not a large number. By contrast, sexual desire, although focused on another’s body, is essentially self-regarding, a desire for physical pleasure. And we can have fleeting sexual desires for many others, while there is no fleeting or casual love.

That opening extract is taken from ideas written by Alan H. Goldman, 2019, quite an interesting argument, right? It makes you think, well I have it here because it helps me with what I am writing about today.

What are these ideas of sexual desire and love saying about us humans? About us people, well put simply it means we are forcing things too much, that we don’t need to be in ln love to have sex or fuck each other, desire for our own pleasure is just as good, of course as long as that desire is consensual.

Sex without love is perhaps a bad statement to make, I don’t necessary believe that it exists. When you have sex with someone or desire to fuck someone you un-expressingly are in ‘love’ in a way. You are either in love with their personality, their mind, their physical body, the idea of them in you or most importantly you are in love with your own pleasure, simple as that.

I admit of course that I have engaged in such acts of sexual pleasure, being in it just for the fun of it. Let us be honest with ourselves, for those who are willing to be honest; sex is good, I mean it is great, that idea of being intertwined with another human body brings life to the mind, and you know that orgasm really does the thing.

I apologize for those who have never experienced orgasms, unlike bigfoot it is not a thing of mysteries but like big foot, once you see it, you know you found something precious, in this case, experienced something precious. A nice good electric body shock, like an unexplainable tingle.

Now of course, I haven’t really delved into the topic of this writing sex vs love; in the mist of it, I want to add an interesting aspect, masturbation. Now, there will be arguments on my next statement, by all means everyone must have their own opinion, if you don’t agree, you can consider my outlook on masturbation as an opinion, but I ask you to look deep into my view first, before judging.

Masturbation is quite tricky, without being dishonest, I engage in masturbation, once in a while I find myself in the shower with the warmth of water creating the perfect scenery, yes shoot me for it. Masturbation is what I consider to be sex with self. I have always posed the idea that masturbation offers something that someone else’s body (be it a new body) won’t offer you; time to explore and understand your pleasure needs.

Let me explain more

In the act of self sex, you get to know what gets you going, yes, I know it’ might sound silly, I do think about these things, even in masturbation my mind is in wonder. Anyway, in masturbation you’re able to give yourself time, to think, to understand which strokes get you there quick and which strokes can get you to last.

For females, you get to understand where you want your partner to go in order to get you there or even how YOU will engage with your partner to get yourself there. I have advised a lot of girls in my life to masturbate, I’ve always used the words “Don’t let a stranger know more about your body than you do. You need to know how to make yourself happy…or cum”

There is a however in this whole idea of mine. Now this thought comes off as very controversial, especially since I have taken the stand of enjoying sex, enjoying giving pleasure to my partners and myself.

During these thoughts of masturbations, I have posed a question of: Do we need each other for sex or we just need each other for reproduction really?
Let’s get back to this question a little later, it seems now we are on the grounds of, what is sex vs love or sex and love?

My opening paragraph argues that sex can exist in a plane of just pleasure, that it is a human idea that we put sex and (love) relationships together. There are a lot of reasons why we do that, mostly because of morality, I guess. People are definitely animals, but we don’t want to be seen or treated in such a way.

We want to be in control, at least when it comes to giving our bodies to other people; we don’t want to appear as, uhmm whores, I guess; it’s a social thing. Morality probably trumps everything when it comes to human, so sex while not in a relationship is a high morality to break. The question remains though, can one engage in sex without love or relationship? Uhmmm yes, as so many have done it and quite frankly enjoyed it.

People let’s be honest, most people cheat based on the idea that they want to fuck someone else, simple as that, no ways about it; yes there exists a lot more reasons people cheat I understand, but one of them is that you will get to have sex with that other person. Cheating without a doubt is an act of human nature that shouldn’t be punished, that person just existed for that time outside social morality.

Which brings me back again to the previous question: Do we really need each other for sex or just reproduction? Now be careful how you read this question of mine, it doesn’t come at face value. I am frankly trying to say people can have as much sex as they want with whoever they want, consensually of course, then when they are ready can find someone who is ready with them to reproduce.

Furthermore, my question lies on the plane of masturbation; yes, masturbation is not entirely the same as sex, we can be honest with that, however here is something masturbation offers which in my belief is a rip, a tear in the morality field but fuck it.
Masturbation offers you to have sex with anyone you choose too! Even multiple people at once.

Doesn’t that freak you out? For me it does a little bit? I mean it has too, literally someone as you are reading this could be fucking you in their heads, and fully enjoying it, that’s kinda creepy. You could be in an orgy right now and you don’t even know it. Masturbation breaks that morality barrier, it’s fantasy, so, it’s kinda of okay, I guess.

We have to at least admit it to ourselves that we break that moral ground during masturbation; When I do it, I go to the best sexual experiences I’ve had, so my exes need to know that although we are apart, I still enjoy being with them in my head, it’s a compliment? I think? I have a difficult time imagining someone I have never been with, it just doesn’t get me going, but that’s the thing about masturbation, everyone has their kink.

Sex, love, masturbation vs. Pleasure or rather all these are combined together, it doesn’t really matter; there are over a trillion people in the world, I had a point to make about that stat I totally forgot it. However, I can continue to say, love is important, it really is, for us humans, love makes us feel that we belong, that our reason for existing can make someone else happy.

Sex is important too, it makes us feel ‘connected’, it shouldn’t be used as a tool to hold on to someone, sex is great; so is pleasure, sex without pleasure is just two bodies rubbing against each. In order for us to get pleasure out of the sexes we have and engage in, we need to know our own bodies, we need to know what we want, so explore yourselves, learn about your body, read about it if you have too.

I know, it can feel dirty, nasty, but you don’t know how much you need it, to consciously make yourself reach your own destination is fulfilling.