Alternate Ending

We’re sitting in your car and I tell you, I love you, but you already know. You know that because you can see the way I look at you, the way I laugh with every muscle in my body.

So this doesn’t change our fate.

I look look at you, holding your hand in mine. It feels so natural, this will not change the outcome of our future though.

I tell you I’m afraid to be with you. I’m afraid because I am in love with you too much and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.

If I take you right now to be mine, it will only be you and me on the road ahead. Our colours clash, these man made colours of skin, yet
here is my heart beating for you.

I tell you ours is a dangerous love, a Shakespearean love, only leading to death of each of us.

You already know this though, you’ve told me a million times before in tears. My chest has been a handkerchief to many of your watering eyes.

You already know me and you being together will burn bridges, yet like the moon yearns for her love the sun, you yearn for me too, as I do for you.

Yet, that won’t change the ending. This confession won’t change the ending in stored for you and me.

The moon is bright, the sky is dark and clear. It’s a perfect engagement of dark and white, just like you and I.

I lean in, you meet half way, right at the border were our lips would meet.

I am looking into your eyes, this is something I’ve wanted to do since..

We kiss. I kiss you. We melt in each other. You kiss me. There’s nothing else except you, me, the moon, the dark sky, inside a little car at the parking lot.

The future now changes


How does a person explain this feeling? This phenomenal chemical reaction, and no, I’m not talking about laboratory chemistry; I’m talking about the chemistry that happens between two humans, two people, individuals who might be strangers or might not be strangers, well given that we all start as strangers

However what about instant chemistry? What that chemistry that shoots up like morphine into your system and drives you wild; Does morphine do that or it makes you numb? Good feelings all around

This is what I want to talk about in this writing. Simply writing about it won’t do though.. so read in between these words and create your own idea of what I feel when I feel chemistry.

~Chemical reaction

I have been involved in a lot of experiments in my life, none have been more interesting than the chemical reaction that happens when ART is the laboratory.

Art is the hand that rubs the lamp, what comes out is something only wishes can be made off.

Remember I am talking about you

Our chemistry is like water slowly building up from our feet, to our knees, rising up and then we drown in it. We drown in it but we can still breathe, we breathe through touch and through this feeling… this feeling.

I remember clearly dancing with you; it’s like having sex on the dance floor with our clothes still on. I want to stay close to you a little bit longer, I want to grab your hand a little bit longer til I am holding on to you by my one finger. At the PRESENT, I’m talking about you.

Chemistry is like poison, the one that kills you slowly. The poison that infects the air, so you don’t even realize that you are inhaling death.

Chemistry can be a beautiful illusion, but my god a wonderful trick it is…it keeps me floating, I can’t really feel the ground.

I want to touch you all over, not physically, but just breathe around your skin. I want to dance with the energy you

Close your eyes.

Imagine me and you.

All the things we could do.

Only when the time is right.

Chemistry is what you and I have, and I want to make it an adventure and explore it, after that I will write a map on both our skins so we don’t ever forget it.

But if you ever forget I,
Just imagine
Imagine you and I/ don’t laugh that feeling is real/
Your attraction, I thought it heals… but now I’m in too deep, I/
Like death it reels me in deep, I/
Instantly I combust, don’t ask, with you I’m clear as crystal, but convoluted by your touch, I/
You and I,
We Walt and Chemistry/
Deadly combo Heisenberg

If you didn’t get that, damn you bitch, if you did then hell yeah bitch! I am really going to be high on you, and already I think I’m addicted.

I want to know from you, whoever is reading, what chemistry is like to you?

Jungle Fever

Now I don’t want you to simply use the term ‘Jungle Fever’ from the movie with the same name by Spike Lee, but I don’t want you to remove the idea of the movie in your head completely either.
I was recently watching a new comedy series titled “Woke”. It seems like every network is producing more and more series, a dawn of a new era. Anyway, somewhere in the series, a line during a conversation peaked my interest. One character states
” Is it really possible to remove Fetishization in an interracial relationship?”
This is the question I want to pose, try to answer and converse around; I mean is it really?
I have never shied away from my interest in Asians. I’ve always found them quite attractive. I don’t know why, maybe that’s why I am writing this today.
Now I come from a country were race is very tricky; tricky as in people, mostly, never shy away from showing you that they are a different race from you, or see themselves as superior to you; but who cares about that now.
That perhaps is where some ideas of Jungle fever begin. The idea of having something outside of self, having someone that represents a different race than yours; the indulgence of a forbidden fruit.
I’ve had plenty of friends who were of different races from my own. However, I never felt that they were any different from anyone else, however, it doesn’t mean that others did not look at me differently. I was always the guy who’s always walking with the Indian girl or the white girl.
Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone of different race without fetish ideas having infiltrated your thoughts?  Uhmmm unlikely. Yes, you can be in love, you can be head over hills over this boy or girl, but somewhere deep in your conscious you always wondered what it would be like to indulge in the nectars of a different race.
I remember when my friend, who is black came to tell us how he had sex with a white girl. Yes, we were excited, I simply cannot understand why, but it felt like we were part of that experience. Almost exciting as a friend telling us he had a threesome “The belt”. Another time the friend comes and tells us he slept with a Spanish girl, if it wasn’t going to be weird we would have gone out for drinks to celebrate that day. All I can say is imagine what happens around the campfire; that was us listening to the juicy details of our friend… yes. You cannot blame us however, Latinos have been abundantly tagged as having one of the most, if not, the sexiest women of race in the world.
We are all somehow intrigued by different races. We could perhaps have been sold ideas by the media, but jungle fever has us by the genitals. Do you see what I did there?
Thinking about it now makes me wonder if my fear to kiss my old friend who was white was caused by this. If you’re a regular reader, you know who I am talking about. It makes me; wonder if my fear to kiss her or be with her laid on the fact that she was “white”.
If I am being honest I will say yes. How does one be in a relationship with a white person??! That was me back at that time. At the time that I am in now, I find myself curious. I find myself wanting to interact with different races more so I can understand if they are different from black women; interact in conversation in case that comes out wrong, which I am reading it does.
So far there’s nothing much different except for the fact that people tend to have expectations if you’re not the same as them.
So the question rather remains intact. Is it possible to remove fetish ideas when getting in interracial relationships? Even in one night stands? Lord know I’ve looked at different coloured women and said to myself I wonder what it would be like to be with her? I’m guilty of being human, sue me!
My colleague, when I asked her, said that was why she’s afraid to get into interracial relationships. The not knowing if the person is with her because he truly finds her interesting or just wondering what it would be like to be with a black girl?!
According to another colleague of mine, it’s not possible to entirely remove fetish ideas from interracial relationships. Some individuals actually get into the relationship because the other person is a different race. The other person being a different race is a factor.
I am in no way taking love out of these relationships; that these individuals do not love each other. All I am stating is that sub-consciously or even consciously interracial relationships include a fetish factor in them. We get into them because we are curious, intrigued about being with a different race/culture/tradition.
What is your take? Can we remove one from the other?

Why we all should apply for jobs we don’t qualify for?

It’s easy and probably honest to make the statement that they are people who are in jobs they don’t qualify for; a lot of various factors go it explaining how. It could be due to corruption or nepotism, good looks, race etc. It’s not all bad really because some people are there because they took an opportunity, others started an opportunity.

Before I go far, let me clear one thing on the side. We can’t all go into starting our own businesses, not that it’s impossible, but frankly some of us are not built as leaders; being a leader who can manage people takes something that most people don’t have; some people thrive better as followers and that’s okay, don’t judge; appreciate that skill and ability.

Now that is out the way, let’s get to the main topic; why we should all apply for jobs we don’t really qualify for?

I can’t really prove the next statement what I can say is I am making it as an artist. It’s no more in the arts that there is an existence of people who don’t really qualify to be there… please don’t take the words ‘qualify’ literal. I for one have worked with hundreds if not thousands of people, and I truly understand the existence of natural ability when it comes to arts, especially performance arts; individuals who just get it and they are great at it.

Qualify for the Arts means people who don’t necessarily work hard to be there, individuals who are there because as explained earlier they knew someone or they are just pretty. Guys let’s never escape that truth… some people are in there because they look beautiful. It’s okay, well maybe.

In the arts we have people with law degrees, science, biology, psychology etc etc. Then you have the artist who put a whole lot of years in the craft doing who knows what… well I have something to say to my fellow artists.. get the fuck up and apply for a marketing job, science anything really, you’re an actor, a performer…

Okay let me clear that out in better language.

I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a position I didn’t necessarily belong in; I have been in politics, and was in favor to be a leader in the field and I don’t even like politics; the people in there however loved me.

I have worked at a bank, sort of, yes, I am an artist; and I’ve been in various types of marketing jobs. None of these jobs I qualify for, what I did was, there was an advertisement and I applied, I told them what I am good at and how it fits to what they are looking for.

It’s strange isn’t it, not really, people admire and are attracted to those with the right energy, people who know what they really want; it’s an attractive facet to have, I certainly find it attractive, even in women.

My friend, Mlondi in desperate times, desperate adventurous times really; He once applied to be a maths tutor, the man knows nothing about maths really, he said so himself, however he was willing to learn along the way.

There he was in front of maths board members having been selected as an interview candidate. My friend tells me he sat there convincing these guys that he was the guy they were looking for, that he has been tutoring for years now, he understands the workings of it all, the system of learning. He told no lies, all he was doing was hype his ability, and use the right energy.

The board members laughed, they deliberated, they were all in agreement that this man was the right guy for the job.

Of course he wasn’t taken, however not because of lack of trying. Just politics.

Sounds like motivational bullshit doesn’t it? Well it does, but it is as truthful as it can be. There are not many jobs out there, but perhaps there are, it’s just you don’t think you belong in it; either you believe it’s below you or above you. You have to understand your ability.

I’ve taken jobs were I was in a hot costume, had to run the whole day during comrades marathon giving strangers hi 5s…tell you what, one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. After a while in that job I got promoted.

My friend Sanele who has a drama degree was a bank consultant, can you believe that? I trust this man, but not with my money?? I can tell you that never!!! Yet he worked to convince people that their money was save with him and good at it too, bravo arts

My point is, if their looking for a PHD, convince them why you with a high school certificate are much better suited for the job. If their looking for a science guy, convince them that with your drama dance degree you can be a better suite for the position.

It’s far fetched I know, not all positions you will get really. However here is what you will get, a response that tells you how to be better, a response that can offer you a difference position because damn you know your way with words etc.

As always I am on my intellectual bullshit, but you know what? it’s gotten me pretty, pretty, pretty far

What makes great sex? What is great sex?

This is my second writing in 2 months related to sex? It could be my psyche telling that I’ve gone perhaps too long without it; 5 months is long, OMG! Well, I am in a foreign country, it’s going to be a while. Okay, let’s get to business or pleasure; See what I did there? first of all, answers to the above questions come in floods, quite a lot of different answers I got from the people I asked, and of course using my own experience, the answers as many as there are, there are certainly commonalities within them.

I have had quite a few sex(ual) experiences in my life, more than I thought I would have when I was young; honestly I didn’t think I would sleep with as many females as I have in my life, of course I shall not disclose that number; it’s not a hectic number, I’d like to think I am not a whore, but that’s another question we should ask ourselves; what defines a whore? Is whoring not supposed to refer to sex plus remuneration? Unless I am mistaken? However, in this changing world whore has been redefined.

Anyhow, I wanted to explore this question of what makes great sex? In my fair share of sexual activities, I believe I have had moments where I would refer to the sex as being great. Of course, I think we should all engage in sex to make sure it becomes a great experience, but we have our bad days, don’t we? Sometimes you just don’t feel it, and it could range from a variety of things.

I certainly have had those days too, sometimes, honestly were I was bad, performance not at its peak; then you hope you can have her again so you can redeem yourself but it never happens again; I mean why would it; it would be like giving an assassin a chance to kill you again after they missed their shot. However, come on, let me redeem my strokes, no can-do baby doll. Don’t you just hate that, being unable to repair that bad sex you gave, especially with someone you wanted.


The answers I was able to get from those I asked prove something I was expecting, that being, there is so much pressure on male performance in sex than there is on females! Yes! The guys have burdened themselves with this pressure of having to perform and lasting longer, that lasting longer automatically seems to be a factor in defining great sex, it can be; unfairly there doesn’t seem to be much pressure on women as long as the legs are open, and “they” are enjoying it.

However of course they are individuals like myself and others who are flipping that script, who “require” the woman to be equally performative during sex, I mean we are both enjoying this experience, you are getting something out of it, so make it worth my while as well.

So, here we are, trying to answer this (these) questions about sex. I realized that ‘Genitals’ hardly play a role, I mean there is that percentage that it contributes as some highlighted, however, it’ barely scratches the surface.

So big penises, tight vagina, it doesn’t really matter, it all comes down to what can you do. You probably have read a lot on how to be great in bed? How to perform better? Sexual position? Or watched a lot of porn to be get inspired; Out of all those I mentioned it’s fair to state porn doesn’t help much realistically; Every sales person exaggerates about the product a little bit so you can buy it; Porn sells sex, and sometimes very well; the storylines though need a fix up.

Where was I? Per usual in these blogs I write, I like reflecting on my own experience and it won’t be any different with this writing. In my defence, I was young during these times, however given the opportunity, I’d still engage in the acts; in fact, I still have a lot of sex in me that I haven’t explored yet.

I’ve had sex on public stairs, public loos, I’ve had sex on the roof, other places I can’t mention; I’ve had sex on top of a table (My partner being dinner), by a tree, in the shower (location). All these experiences satisfying in their own way. Yes, of course in between if I am honest there were those that I didn’t enjoy very much, why? I think it’s the common factor that I was able to get from everyone when I asked what makes great sex.

I remember how thrilling the quickies I had with my ex were; I recently read a meme that read “quickies” are important in life, and honestly, I cannot deny that fact. Quickies offer this exciting release between two people; sure, at most times the guy is only person that comes, but thing about quickies is, it’s not about lasting long, it’s about enjoying that short intimate penetration between two the two of you.

My ex would be on her way home and I’d see her ass and just want her right in that moment, I mean it happens, then boom! Her skirt would be up and against the wall both of us in ecstasy. Surprise sex can count as a quickie too, and damn is it exciting! I remember one time she just walked in, probably a bad day. No hello really, kissing happened. My clothes were taken off instantly, she pulled up her skirt and sat on me and rode me like crazy, I was bitten that day too. Yes, great sex it was.

Moving on from those images, having sex on the roof was one of the most exciting sexes I’ve had, again the question remains what made it great? With this one, a lot of elements made it great, besides location, one factor being it had been dragging along for 2 years. It was written in both our minds, hearts and genitals that we wanted to have each other.

Yes, ladies and gents, there it is that important element that makes sex great, that is, desire.

DESIRE that is reciprocal.

Reciprocal of course means what it means, desiring each other, that your desire for each could move the earth itself. You could say “but JC, you can’t have sex with someone you don’t desire” well you’d be quite wrong; it’s possible for desire to be one sided; People have meaningless sex quite more often than you’d think.

However, when you desire to satisfy the other person as much as they desire to satisfy you, sex rather becomes something else. Let me be clear, being curious doesn’t really count as desire; being curious about someone can be one sided, unless that curiosity is reciprocal then perhaps, but it’s questionable.

When you desire to satisfy someone as much as they desire to thrill and satisfy you there are no limits to what can happen during the sex you have. People sex is nice, it really is, if you’re willing to let yourself go and enjoy it.

So, desire, let’s place desire as the number factor that makes great sex, and then coming next to that is positions/style that your partner gets into. I want to believe this is the only time that styles/positions can be considered as a factor to great sex. Yes, positions by far contribute to great sex. You know there’s that position he puts you in or that position she gets into that makes it feels like heaven is on earth… Yeeyyyi!!!

Yeah, my mind just went quite far right now here be thinking about the positions the people I have been with get into. There are more factors though, if it was just desire, we would be in a problematic world.

Men have been known to look at women sexually, especially when she looks quite attractive, dressed attractively, sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a nice dress; we are a waste, I know. However the one thing no one wants to talk about is how women do the same, you’ve read books, actually you don’t even need to, just ask a close female you know, women are honest to tell you that “Yes, they do check guys out” I have been direct in asking those questions: Ass is known to be an attractive facet for females in men; I think I wrote about this year’s back in one of my post, I remember stating

“Gents, time to work on that bum, you need it for good thrusting”.

So, what is my point? How does this link to great sex; well it’s rather obvious; there is greater enjoyment in sex if your body is deemed attractive. Let me be clear, this is not me saying, you should work out now, be fit, that you are fat, fuck that; all body types are capable to be great sex givers, if your partner/person finds your body attractive there exists a mental satisfaction already without having even touched them.

Honestly, as I keep writing it seems impossible to pin down the exact things that make up great sex, there are many. You can be so beautiful but be whack in bed. You can have a bid dick, and be horrible in using it. You could have a small penis, and still be horrible too, and that’s just a waste; but you could be very great at giving head/going down on her. And there’s another factor that is quite helpful when engaging in sex or creating sex that can be deemed great.

The satisfying of your partner/person without penetration. I spent a lot of time learning how to be good in that department, and of course you always keep learning sometimes during the act, I believe I have gotten to myself were I am confident that using my mouth I can get my female partner to her destination. They say practice makes better.

To have great you need to be able to use these other sexual actions required in sex use hands, use mouth or even toys, just know how to do it. Some of the answers I got on what makes great were “Great foreplay” makes good, great sex. Foreplay is interesting; foreplay is like a chef tenderizing the meat before cooking it. You get the meat to be nice and tender, the meat is able to be manipulated at will after tenderization.

If foreplay is done just right, the results are similar. With foreplay you fuck your partner psychologically and/or mentally. It was Chris Rock who said something along the lines ‘Dick should be a reward that she gets. You tongue ability should fulfil her, then when you whip it out, she’s like OMG there’s still dick’. Again, it’s goes back to the pressure that men suffer in having to perform, damn! We should change the game.

I am not a huge fan of head, however I have enjoyed quite a few I’ve had from the people I’ve had sex with. Head given on a quickie is rather intense and really pleasurable isn’t it. It really gives the words of great sex a vibration. People, great sex is really hard to pin down; As I keep writing I am realizing that there are more and more factors. However, “DESIRE” remains at the top of the scale/rank.

Desire that is reflected makes sex exhilarating. I can recall the many times, I’ve gazed at a partner’s eyes, I mean looked at her and she looks back, and the air changed in the room, even amongst people and I knew I wanted her and she wanted me. It can happen to even strangers in that moment you know, if not later, sooner both of you will be screaming in blasphemy somewhere.

There is one factor I must mention, that contributes in having a good intimate relationship with someone and producing great sex as a result, that is being able to communicate. Yes, that’s another factor, I should have mentioned it earlier, being able to communicate what you want. Even during the act, itself, it can be recommended, if she s/he flips into that position you know does nothing to you, uhmm tell them.

Well, understanding though that sometimes sex does needs sacrifices, that you can let your partner have 1 or 2 positions because they like it, not that it does anything for you, but because it gets them to that state. If you want to try something new with them tell them. Aghh this is turning into me giving sex advice, eeeuuueewwww! I am merely trying to answer what makes great sex!

For me to get a clear perspective I need you the reader to share your thoughts. I am interested in knowing what makes sex great for you, yes, you, the person reading this. I’d really be a fool if I believed I could fully answer such a deep query by myself

What makes great sex for you? What gets you going, don’t be afraid, remember communication is important.