Alternate Ending

We’re sitting in your car and I tell you, I love you, but you already know. You know that because you can see the way I look at you, the way I laugh with every muscle in my body.

So this doesn’t change our fate.

I look look at you, holding your hand in mine. It feels so natural, this will not change the outcome of our future though.

I tell you I’m afraid to be with you. I’m afraid because I am in love with you too much and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.

If I take you right now to be mine, it will only be you and me on the road ahead. Our colours clash, these man made colours of skin, yet
here is my heart beating for you.

I tell you ours is a dangerous love, a Shakespearean love, only leading to death of each of us.

You already know this though, you’ve told me a million times before in tears. My chest has been a handkerchief to many of your watering eyes.

You already know me and you being together will burn bridges, yet like the moon yearns for her love the sun, you yearn for me too, as I do for you.

Yet, that won’t change the ending. This confession won’t change the ending in stored for you and me.

The moon is bright, the sky is dark and clear. It’s a perfect engagement of dark and white, just like you and I.

I lean in, you meet half way, right at the border were our lips would meet.

I am looking into your eyes, this is something I’ve wanted to do since..

We kiss. I kiss you. We melt in each other. You kiss me. There’s nothing else except you, me, the moon, the dark sky, inside a little car at the parking lot.

The future now changes

Waiting for the beat to drop

The crowd is gathered, horny, high, vibrant teenagers and young adults. Everyone standing below the DJ looking like ants at work; I’m in an elevated position, analysing; these people, us, we’re like water in a kettle, boiling, it’s quite a slow boil but it’s boiling and then I can explaining it as the lid of the boiling kettle lifting off.. as the beat drops and everyone starts jumping up.

Music really does affect us differently as people. As I stood there waiting for the beat to drop, I looked at all these individuals excited, in absolute thrill. I wondered why it was not affecting me as much as it did them.

You have to understand I consider myself a musical whore; In a sense that I can listen to any type of music and get a thrill from it, of course depending on my mood. There I was feeling something in the music, but I didn’t want to bounce like boiling water and lift off like a shuttle to space.

That is the scene at this first club I attempted to join. I’ve never been a fan of clubs really, I don’t think I probably will ever be.

At home, the ideas of club scenery tended to instill a fear of uncertainty for me. Uncertainty of life vs. death, and I didn’t like those odds. You could step into the wrong guys foot or probably dance with the wrong fe/male and then your life is in shambles.

So eternally I stayed away; however that’s not all that made me stay away. I love music, I love people having fun and letting off whatever steam they need to release.

Having to spend so much money is that factor that rubs me off. Why does everything have to be so expensive in clubs? Is a good time suppose to be so expensive. I thought the best things in life are supposed to be for free; I certainly prefer those.

Now the second scene is a bit different. The music still loud that you feel your eardrums vibrating, yes, your eardrums, perhaps thats another thing I’ve never been a fan of music that is too loud. I like the idea that it helps you get more intimate with whomever you might have jelled with… that you can be able to whisper in your “partners” ear, however that’s a disadvantage on its own; technically nobody comes to a club to talk.

Ahhh fucking hell.

I was attempting to see if I didn’t like clubs because of the circumstances back home but I ended up realizing it’s not my scene, and don’t get me wrong I have nothing against people who go there, as I said, I think there are some advantages especially if you’re not going alone.

My experiment had me investigating by myself, which is not a really great idea. When you’re in a club alone, it’s like everyone can see you are alone. As a dancer I could slowly feel the music running through my body but I felt I was dancing out of place, that I seemed desperate, but I was really enjoying it but at the back of my mind, I felt really out of place. So advice don’t go alone to these places.

I met some interesting souls, I loved them, they were fun. Beautiful girls and boys, no, really, the boys were beautiful too and gay I believe; Gay people have such lovely attractive energy, I like it. It’s so much fun to be around that energy.

In every club scene you have scavengers, you can tell; it’s the look in their eyes. You know those people who came to get a lay, maybe that’s another thing that has both advantages and disadvantages; I never really liked the idea of that; but we are young adults, we deserve some fun. Honestly however it looks really creepy to look at women like that, rather have them be drawn to you because you are having fun, your energy is magnetic.

I think these places have their own people and they have found a way to make it work. You know, the ones that sit there and get high, others just looking on their phones, surely made a plan to meet someone here, bad idea really. With my stingy ass, love for music, hate for loud music, love for people, hate for crowds I am confusing.

I certainly love waiting for the beat to drop but I got shit to do.

If you enjoy the club scene please have me look at it in your perspective, let me see what you see, I doubt it will change my mind but experiencing your feelings is something I am interested in.