In theatre the term alienation ‘effect’ describes Brecht’s style of working. As we tend to always be reminded in readings it is taken from the German word….verfremdungseffekt.

Def. Alienation in the dictionary is described as: a withdrawing or separation of a person or a person’s affections from an object or position of former attachment. Distancing.

So I begin to write.

An addict I was, for probably my whole life, to certain things, to certain ideas and certain places.

I am an image of my former self, only those that truly know me can see through the fake skin I am wearing.

I am a reflection of something that has been left behind, or I am an image of a man exposed to the true reality of the world, my world.

I lived in a singular point, surrounded by alien colors, pink colours, colors of all emotions, now I find myself in a room with only a singular light illuminating, it’s not even bright, it fades away like yesterday’s memory.

What did I do yesterday? I was running backwards, chasing a memory of my former self. I found him, me, lying in a land of grass, with his head looking at the sky.

He was happy, I wanted to stay with him. I didn’t want to tell him that the things he loves the most will break his heart. That in time, from now, from this moment he is in, his smile will turn into many frowns.

That he will gain weight, not the good kind, not the one he wishes his skinny body could carry, no, no, no. He will gain weight in his heart, and in his chest it will feel heavy, his heart will drown in his own circulating blood.

His body will betray him. The images in his head will not be true.

I don’t want to tell him that. I want to sit next to him. Alienated from the rest of the world.

I am an alien here, in his memories, but I feel more alive then I have been in recent times.

I feel strange in the future, as if I am a guest in my own mind. In order to feel alive, I have to travel back in time. That’s really shitty!

_Purplish Flowers_


So often we put ourselves in positions were we want people to know that we did something or we feel a certain way about something, to in a certain way prove ourselves to “them”

I find myself in a weird/strange position of shouldn’t it be enough that I know were I stand? Aren’t I enough to self to know that my position is here, that I don’t need to defend it because I know it?!

There are very much places designed for you to defend yourself, like court. In court you have to no matter what defend or prove your innocence, even if you know 100% that you didn’t do something but by the standards that someone said you did it, places you in a difficult position of defending yourself.

This is a very different situation if someone says you are racist/homophobic/sexist etc. If someone blames you for being any of these things and you know that you aren’t, what reason do you have to prove yourself to them that you are telling the truth?

I don’t think there is really; there are things we don’t need to prove because proving them makes them not real, it makes you look as if you are justifying your own truth.

I am not racist because I have black friends! Having black friends doesn’t make you not racist, lack of respect/empathy, belittling black people makes you one, and you can really still be one in that position of having black friends, that’s just an example.

The pictures of food we take & post showing we are eating healthy! Who are we taking them for? You already know you’re eating healthy, for you and your body that is prove enough that you are doing what you tended to do, informing others about it isn’t necessary a need.

A part of the reason I am thinking about this is that I’ve been walking quite a lot lately, at times I’d forget to wear my watch which usually calculates the steps I take. It rattles me a bit to not have the steps counted, but then I started thinking, wait, who am I doing it for, am I walking to calculate steps so others can see or what?! I mean I know I walked a lot, shouldn’t that be efficient? Who needs to see that I walked so much today and why?

Proving or disproving certain things isn’t necessarily, but we are trapped in this reality of if people know were I stand, I can be liked more or can be relevant or I will be acknowledged.

It’s sad we live in this reality, even I. I dance and I take videos of me dancing naturally because I want others to see that I dance and made something beautiful or interesting.

It’s the world we live in, I think we need to re-evaluate certain things, try to understand what really is significant in the world we live in

In essence it comes down to a few things, one being I understand how the world is structured now. The world is built in a way that fame or entertainment can happen at any time, that a simple video or image that you took can become an instant hit. That’s the type of world we are in.

However the other part takes me back to something that comedian Dave Chappelle does which is he take people’s phones away during live performances; for some I am sure it’s like taking them to rehab, taking away an addiction they have, but I think that’s precisely the aim.

People can’t seem to live in the moment anymore, to be satisfied with experiencing things in that moment and be fulfilled with the idea that it’s all in your head/heart, you didn’t capture it with any device.

It’s totally okay for your film recording to be your brain, yeah sure likely no one will believe you, that you met who you said you met, but you know it happened, that should be proof enough.

We are stuck in a forever changing world, a complicated world that is asking us to think too much, to forget human feelings and emotions, making us react to each other in a delayed manner because we are so busy caught up on being relevant.

It’s a scary world out there people, but it’s still a fun world.

What is your take, talk to me, I am all ears

I want to be a real boy

Oh Pinnochio! If only you knew the consequences of being a real boy. It’s July, my mom’s birthday month, I called her to just talk shit, reminiscing about old and new shit really, yes she still loves money, even in the chaos of my province back home (South Africa)

While we were talking I mention that she’s getting old, which she enthusiastically adds yeah, I am getting old, but I still look gorgeous as hell, like I’m still in my 30s; she does really, for being close to 50 she doesn’t look her age, then she brings up this sore she loves rubbing salt on “So when are you having a baby, I’m getting old and you are in your 30s too?” of course as always I laughed it, being honest that I am not ready for a child.

That’s what I want to write about today, the idea of being a parent, having a baby. Pinnochio in the story relentlessly continues to wish to be a real boy. I am certain that he didn’t know the consequences of being a real boy. It is different when things become real.

I love kids, these little humans are fascinating to watch, as most people would tell you, the thing about kids is that there see this different version of the world than we do as adult, a world were I wish most of us would be in really. After I finished talking to my mom, I did something different in all the years she mentioned this baby business, I thought about it, not having a baby of course but I thought deep and hard about why I didn’t want to have a baby.

Of course one main reason being I don’t feel secure enough to have a baby, but in reality, I don’t think there’s such a thing as being secured enough. There will never be enough money for an individual, if it was so billionaires would stop making money already. As much as I want to say people have been making babies with minimum amounts of money, I don’t really want to that, I’ve been there, and I didn’t like it much, so I wouldn’t want my own child going through that.

The more I dug deep into why I don’t want to have a baby, the more I really don’t want to have one, well, for now, I don’t know, but what I do know is that, I’m scared, no I really am. I know people discover the reality of being a parent as they do it, but that reality scares me. I am really good with other people’s kids, but I fear what I would be like with my own child.

Look at how the world is, you’d think it’s getting more better, that understanding is flowing between us humans, but realistically it seems like it’s getting worse, old people are selling their ideas to the kids who grow up selling that idea to their kids, so really, we’re in a loop of hate, insecurity, violence, corruption etc. Then you’re asking me, a person who frankly is still scared of the world, to bring a child, someone who would essentially mean everything to me.

No, thank you, unlike pinnochio I’m not ready for that responsibility of things being real.

I’ve never imagined what my child would be like, but either way s/he will have black genes that are mine, and already this little person will start racing behind the pack, no matter how rich I may be, they will play some type of catch up; it’s unfair for me to judge like that, but I can’t help it, I live in that reality; the difference is, it doesn’t bother me at all, it doesn’t really, I laugh at it and walk away laughing, the problem is, I won’t know how my child would take it, even if raised well.

So, I guess I will have to apologize to mom, although it’s still early in my life, it seems unlikely that I will have a child anytime soon.

What are your thoughts on children? Did you have any particular fears? How did you overcome them or hope to overcome them?

On the previous episode

This is definitely one of those readings were you think it’s about one thing but totally find out it’s not.

You’ve watched an episode of a series where they give you insight of what happened on the previous episode, usually meaning the episode you’re watching will continue from the actions and events of the previous.

Its a nice transition really, it usually means you get an opportunity to jump in right were things left off, you didn’t miss much; Well real life works a little bit differently.

Me and a colleague of mine once in a while get ourselves into interesting banter; usually coming from situations we might face concerning a female. One such conversation involves the idea of people needing space/time or just a sense of being ignored really.

Listen everyone has a busy life really, we are all occupied with our little life’s, trying to make our ideas grow to something beyond dreams, a need for personal time.

When a person asks or just gives them space from you; it should be expected that once they choose to return into your life, you will not be in the position you were in previous, you as a person would have grown too.

People forget that life doesn’t wait for anyone, especially in any sort of relationship. If as friends we break up for some reason, and we make up, do not expect my train of thought to be were you left me, expect yourself to use words like “you’ve changed so much”

Not really, I’ve just grown as a person.

Where does this conversation stem from, well, it stems from a lady who indirectly had asked me to give her some space. As a person who’s forever developing I hope she has no expectations that she’ll find me were she left me, neither do I expect her to be the same person.

I am not sure if what I am saying makes any sense. To make it more clear, if we break up today, and make up a month later, you can’t expect the same person you were in a relationship with a month back, yes my favorite color might still be grey but emotionally, psychologically a lot has changed, which is why I personally would find it difficult to get over being cheated on or caught cheating, that relationship is as good as over really, some people have the ability to get over it, I don’t think I have the ability.

Furthermore, the people I found attractive in high school no longer interest me now, I’ve changed, my ideas about what is attractive have been completed altered by my experience.

There so many examples I could give, especially involving events/actions from opposite sex. Chris Rock once said “women have the ability to leave you mentally” I’d like to think as men we also have the same ability to erase you from out of our mind, an ability were you could have been the most attractive, beautiful person in the world, but after too many times of bullshit, that all gets lost. Men can forget everything they saw in you; Were you become just another existing being in the world.

My ultimate point is there is no previously in real life relationships, we create a new episode that deals with new problems and new solutions to those problems. You have to be prepared for this type of reaction all the time.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe you’d still be in the same space? How long does it take for you to change?

Inherited Mumbo Jumbo

Let’s say for a moment I can admit that I am good at talking with women, something I oddly worked hard not to be when I was younger; Why, well because I didn’t want to be like my biological father who has apparently was very good with women, well the number of kids with different mothers he produced seem to be proof enough.

So just like a movie plot, I envitably put myself in a path I was avoiding. However there’s more fucking mumbo jumbo that seems to be (weird) & frustrates me.

In this blog I want to talk about the things we supposingly inherent without any dire knowledge, fucking nature/nurture situation right.

I never knew my father, he was rather busy putting his dick everywhere else than to come around check how his lookalike was doing; that’s the first thing that got on my nerves as  a kid, constantly being told that I looked like someone I didn’t know. People would literally look at me like a museum piece, in fascination, like “wow, you have his exact bone structure”. It seemed I inherent this man’s face, although I want to believe my face looks like my mothers, but whatever.

It turns out later I inherited a lot of things from this dude than I thought, things I thought were naturally my own desire, hell I still believe that, but the coincidence of it all fucked me up. Even the things that I inheritedly gained from my mother don’t make entire sense. My mother was apparently very good with maths and athletics (running) which I was naturally good at as well, in fact I loved it, and had no prior details that my mother was into it or good at it, naturally all my mothers kids attempted athletics in our school days, fucking weird, maybe it all that chasing she gave us to whoop us that became inherited.

I assumed math was just a thing I loved, it was natural to me. I’d spend days on end just studying it, so imagine my surprise learning later than my mom was also good in maths, again something she never really told me. In the maths department, I think my sister was the only one who kinda didn’t inherited the gift, sorry little sister at least you’re very good at accounting, which has numbers. Yeah, naturally my mother loves money, we all love money, but my mom is on her own level.

So how this post came about is that my friend Mlondi was laughing at me, I was telling him about a girl I liked, that I happened to have had the guts to kiss. He chose to change the whole subject and noted my “charming” ability with women, which I can admit I have, but not all of them, I’m very shy, that’s my kryptonite. However he continues to add that “bro, you were avoiding to be like your dad but look at you man, just a charmer”

He then goes “You thought you naturally loved martial arts too, but turns out it’s inherited from your father, you can’t avoid this shit”

Yeah, that’s the most messed up thing I heard a while back, the fact that my biological father was obsessed with not only climbing things but martial arts or anything related to karate; these things which I was growing up obsessed with, things that literally designed who I became right now.

That is fucked up right‼! Don’t get me wrong, in no way I am concluding that I am not my own person, fuck that, I know who I am, but that doesn’t mean the situation itself isn’t scary. I mean how many things do I believe I naturally like or love but no, it’s inherited?

We create our own fate, at least I believe that, most people put that faith in the many “Gods” that exists, and that’s fine too. We all should believe in different things, it’s what makes this whole living thing interesting.

I am in ponder though, really, how many things do I enjoy doing, love, gestures I make that were inherited that I don’t know about, is it even true or is it all just a coincidence?

What are your thoughts? Write me your weird shit, and let’s laugh about it.

Pink is not my favorite color

You are often told not to judge a book by its cover, neither can you judge this reading by it’s title too, it may not be what you think it is.

It’s true though, pink is not my favorite, neither do I hate it, in fact it’s the opposite, I adore pink.

Pink is a color that slaps well on me, it’s colorful but not really bright colorful. Yet as a person of certain gender, I am still looked at with squinted eyes.

I was oddly very pink today, hence the writing of this post; pink watch and pink shirt, however my students saw a pink watch and went haywire

“Teacher, you’re wearing a pink watch”

‘Well yes, I am, thanks for noticing, it’s nice right!? ‘

No, teacher, it’s pink!

So. what?

Pink is for girls.

I knew that’s were it was going, I was waiting for them to say that, so I could ask who said that? Well I wasn’t going to get an answer because they just knew only that, they had no idea why they thought it, they had been told throughout life that pink is for girls.

Which in my opinion kinda sucks, more so that I don’t like blue as the color representing men. Who on this god damn earth chose blue as the color, why not black? or grey, something dark and mysterious!!

I’ve never been a fan of social classification or gender roles; that one thing should be done by one gender or another the other, in this case that one color belongs to a certain gender.

I like pink, it’s a freaking, nay, fucking good color, no it is, if you feel a type of way about that, it could be because of all the social madness that has clouded your intellect, but here I am suggesting you try out some pink color, I promise it won’t make you suddenly “change”

Pink, it slaps real nice. That sounds like a good slogan.

Milestones and Relationships

Even relationships have milestones. How often did you think the friends you have in high school would be your best friends forever, I mean let’s go even earlier back, those young days, those young friends you grew up with; at that age you certainly believed that you couldn’t live without them. There are certainly some of us who are able to keep the friends we had when we were young, however unless both of you shared identical interest and ended pursuing similar education interest it’s likely you are no longer the same together.

I probably have written this so many times inside different post but whenever I go home I always feel that my friends and I no longer share the same interests, beside the fact that most times they end up placing on this pedestal in terms of life; I feel that our interest are never aligned, their life’s are totally based on the lifestyle of the hood while I have seen what the world has to offer and as Dave Chappelle once said “I know the game now”

So our relationships have milestones, and believe me I won’t only be referring to the bad stuff but also the good we can have in these milestones. In honesty the milestones prove something about us social beings, that we are forever changing beings, that what once made you feel a certain way can progressively make you feel nothing later. In this blog I will intertwine so many events that highlight such, perhaps you will relate and argue if I am telling the truth or not, I could be pushing air out my ass really but we’ll see.

In 1997, I just moved into the hood, Willowfontain, due to some events that happened in my childhood, link below

We had to relocate. I was the new guy in the location, did not help that I was a shy kid, but it helped that I was adventurous. I made my first friend Bongani he was quite older than me, but I remember we were best pals. In that time that guy made moving into the new location not bad at all, I certainly felt like I was forgetting the old town I was at. He lived quite a few houses from me, so naturally I believed we’d last like a soapie, but life doesn’t work like that does it. He was older as I mentioned, as we grew his mentality on what to do as a social being + male was ahead of me; he began to explore, I had other interests. What probably changed the dynamics of our relationship was that he introduced me to some of his friends and lord behold, I was more best-friends with them than him.

So we moved apart in life. Unfortunately, or rather very fortunately, the friends he introduced me too became my besties and are still in my life today, Bongani on the other hand has seen a lot of terrors in life. He certainly grew up quickly, looking at how his life turned out we clearly were destined for different lifes; now and then I see him, greet him and wonder if he remembers that we once were best-friends

A friend of a friend of mine.

In the earlier 2000s I made a couple of friends, stolen in my previous friendship relationship Thulasizwe “Engine” because when he was young when he walked he use to make an engine sound all the time, I mean all the time, and Sipho “Bones” because he was very skinny, it took me til my late 20s to figure out that name, I swear I never knew what it meant. These guys are still the only people around the location I grew up with I consider friends, we did everything together from smoking teabags, playing local baseball, soccer, karate clubs and fights, a lot of fights. However, life did create a huge gap between us; we never went to the same schools, I was, as I still am an education nerd, I saw something in life, I believed I could dig something out of it than what it was offering me, so slowly we were drifting away from each other without realising it. I will come back to them later.

Primary school

It’s possible to meet someone in such a young life who will become so close to you that you consider him a brother, and oddly enough our relationship didn’t begin very strong, it was rather here and there. In this life time I met Mduduzi ‘Ray” the name Ray came later in life; This man means a lot to me, if I consider one man a brother from another mother it is this man. Together we have experienced a lot, even when times changed and life took us in different directions calling this man when I was in need of something or calling this man to just say ‘hey’ makes me breathe easily. We’ve had our fair share of fights. There was a long gap in our relationship from secondary primary school to high school, a very long gap, but somehow life pulled us back together. Ray is a unique man, it hurt me quite a lot that at the end of our high school I left him behind; however, like I said we are all meant to take different journeys and most of those journeys make us who we are today.

High school

Stats say a lot of things; statistics say some of the relationships we create in this milestone lasts quite long. It is not for everyone however, but it is for some. Stats say some of the intimate relationships we make in this milestone last a lifetime, I was unfortunately not amongst those either, I am rather happy about that, as I am happy for those who found the love of their lifes in this time. I had a friends who got married in this life time and still married til this day, kudos to them.

Again that feeling grew in me, that the people I meeting here will be my friends forever, and for a long while it felt like that, for the who lifetime of high school it felt like the friends I was making in this era would be my friends forever, and I had crushes, being inlove for the second time felt foreign, I understood I was changing. I met Philani ‘Terry’ in 2005 the Mariah Carey years of We belong together, although that song is dedicated to the crush I had at that time Nondumiso. Terry and I were pigs in a pond, we vibed, we had the same interests, we loved books and we dreamt of making it big in Hollywood, a wish years later I wish I never had, I realised early on how hypocritical Hollywood really is.

We got separated the next year as our learning interest didn’t align but our friendship survived as it would survive til 2008 (the end of high school). As I said in high school a lot of us create relationships, I had a lot that lasted and l a lot that I thought would transcend time but again life has different paths. In high school I met Nkosinathi ‘Mazzi’ a man of honour. Our relationship did not have a great start, rather it was a confusing start but it grew to be a fruitful relationship that I appreciate til this day, and forever will appreciate holding on to it even after high school when things didn’t seem to go well for my brother; I was there for him and later he returned the favour by helping me back when I needed a place to stay in varsity. There is an old African saying, I know it to be African

“Isondo liyajika jika” which loosely translates to “The wheel always keeps turning, what was once on top, will be at the bottom someday”

There is a quite a lot people I could mention in this milestone of my life, but most of them just faded away. It is only I who now and then reaches out to see if life is still within them, I remember there is a gentleman Thamsanqa ‘Dollar’ that when I was in high school I promised myself that the day I get a dance school I was call him to come teach at it, that dream is still within me, it is with hope that he is still alive, life was never kind to him.

University and Work

Then perhaps there is this milestone, the one I consider to have made the most impact in my life, perhaps the one that has created a foundation to who I am today. When I was young I constantly would tell my location friends that life is bigger than the hood, we watched so many movies that clearly showed that there is more to life, that there is a whole world, last year we had this conversation, I was telling them I am going to China, they were not that surprised Bones said “I remember you use to tell us that you’ll travel the world someday, back then we laughed but you never laughed at yourself’

University taught me a lot of things, if not how to enjoy being myself, as it does for all those who went to it, and are still experiencing it. Again, I created relationships that I firmly believed would last forever, some never did and some today, I don’t know what I would do without them. The first friend I ever made in varsity was Vukani ‘mavuka’ this man was an artist in nature, a revolutionist that came from the hood. Vukan was basically the opposite of me, while I was still cooked up in a shy shell, Vukani was the expressive wild card, man loved women, and some didn’t’ shy from loving him back, we made work together, he disappeared for year at one time, I brought him back because he had something I wanted, he was a performer and I wanted him in one of my works. I still talk to Vuks til this day, he was the one who dubbed me “The joker” no one even me knows why, but I reckon if not from the crazy things I do, its clearly from the fact that joker has J in it like my name. I grew up a lot in varsity, the beginning years were a struggle as with most of us, no money, so you wonder how you will survive but the lady who gave birth to me, my mother always somehow came through for me.

I met a bunch of people here, perhaps the one significant place to me in varsity was the drama department, for a long while I never wanted to leave that place, it felt like home, like I would be there forever, a decade certainly is forever, I watch friends come and go, lovers come and go

In varsity a lot of life milestones get achieved really; it’s in varsity that I had my first “girlfriend” Roopen, I heard she’s about to embark on her new milestone. It is in varsity that I first experience what heartbreak was, from the above of course, worse I didn’t even realize I was heartbroken til a lady friend Fallon, who I recently tried reaching to, sat me in the sport field and made me realize I was actually crying inside. She, Fallon was quite a special lady, I’m not sure if she knew it, I hope she did. At one point we sat on the roof at drama thinking about what life might have planned for people like us. Yeah, it’s just a memory now.

There is quite a lot that happens in varsity, and as much as you make a lot of relationships, you lose a lot of them too. I met lecturers who dressed me in confidence Paul, and those that inspired me Mr. X, a man who’d later indirectly teach me that you can be close to perfect as you can but you’re still human. I consider a lot of people friends in this milestone, again some I thought I’d never lose but life has this idea about how our paths don’t really tread the same way.

I met TQ and Mpilo in varsity, these fine gentlemen, I’d see them right in front of my eyes become national superstars. It is with honesty that i can admit that we drifted a part, but everytime i see them it’s like we are young again. I made fun academic rivals, people who knew how create life around them; Kline was one of the people who did that. This milestone is important for those that are able to get into it because it teaches you things that you should value and introduces you to this foreign environment, these people who you’d have never met if you lived in the location your whole life. The first friend outside my race I met here, Neesa.

I still question why I never fell in love with her; Well could be I was enjoying being her friend and being friends with girls is something I was use to. It’s in this milestone that you make such deep friendship relationships that you mostly never realize when you’re in love with someone, that happen to me, with a white girl named Lynn, but race, I wrote a book about it, link below.

As varsity years blew by I made long lasting friendships that changed my life, I met Sanele, the man dubbed suspect, a name that fits him like a glove, he can’t OJ out of it either, although if he could, he would. I met Letho ‘Army’ who has moved on to his new milestone of having a family, if one knew the road he took to get there, you’d be asking, how is he alive. Well in fact most of my friends from varsity you’d have that question. I met Sizwe here, a man who contributed to inspiring me to dance later who said, I inspire him, remember that wheel, it keeps turning.

Then there was Simphiwe “Fiddy” “Mfalme” there are more names, the man has more names that Jesus does, in fact with his beard he could pass as Jesus. I learnt a lot from Fiddy, and not all of it good things either, hence why he has made quite a contribution to my life. I’very lived with Fiddy as brother, a friend, a son, a father… in each other we’very played quite different roles.

We have had a fair share of fights, I directly learnt that giving up on something you love is not an option, but like I said, he’s human. He has flaws, from his errors I have learnt too, those that he can manly admit and those that he is afraid to admit. Sometimes if not most times I want to klap him in the head for the worse decisions he has made, but he’s a brother at heart I forgive him.

In my varsity milestone I achieved a lot, I was a learner and transcended to become an educator, it is when I was in these milestones of work that I met lovers, again stats say that you meet the love of your life at workplaces, it doesn’t say in what manner. I met Londeka while I was a junior lecturer at a college, after that our relationship grew wings and flew. I was happy, I’ve been in flings throughout my varsity milestone before but I was never in a relationship, then I was in one. For the life of me, I had hope it would last beyond time, but life changes doesn’t, it diabolical like that. When I planned a new leap into my next milestone, life didn’t necessary allow us to transcend together, i hope she is happy whever she might be.

While I was in this working milestone at university I met Mlondi, who I consider my best friend. Some journeys only the people who have lived through them can tell the story. We’ve played a huge role in each other’s life, we’ve cried on each shoulders when life had knocked us down, we might have even shared a woman or two without realization at some point in life, well that’s no secret. If I were to share the actions and events we’ve been through, it would definitely need it’s own blog. To even think that our relationship began in a different milestone for me as his educator and transcended to what we are now.

We continue to learn from each other, we continue to make mistakes and guide each other through them. Together we are in a new similar milestone, working as foreign English teachers in China. When we talk he tells me stories of how different his life has become, how he is reinventing himself to better, like Ultron his body and mind keep evolving. That is what a new milestone makes you realize that you can keep things that matter and discard those that don’t add value to who you are becoming.

If you’re reading this and you know me, and you feel that some words come out harsh especially if we created a certain relationship, I’d advise you to not feel that way, but rather ask yourself in the life that I am in right now, what exactly do you know about it. Do you know that I was in a Chinese prison for 5hrs, lost in translation and afraid what would happen to me? You probably don’t, most probably you knew after months; the reason being, the people who could help me, even mentally/psychologically/spiritually were reached and I was able to get help. It’s not you, it’s me, okay maybe it’sthe way of life really.

In this new milestone I am still learning,you’d have thought at the age I am in, I would have figured life out by now.

I don’t, I fucking haven’t.

What I have figured, perhaps what I figured years ago is I know what I want for myself. I’ve worked hard to put myself in every possible milestone I could that I wanted; I won awards, I learned how to create poetry, I flirted with a lot of women. All of it matters cause without it, without learning from those relationships and the mistakes in between I would be a different person.

Perhaps without a doubt, the one milestone that will Always mean a lot to me was when I became a brother to a young sister; I sure love all my family members, my mom Busisiwe, my little brother Lindokuhle but the one person who means everything to me is my little sister Lockia, I never really know if she knows, probably doesn’t but being the first person in 1999 I ever said I love you too my sister holds a place in my heart that perhaps no one will ever have, Yeah she has problems and she’ll get married to some dude some day but she’still my sister.

You see what happens in life, in each milestone we go through, we break barriers. We discover that life has a lot to offer. Life has all these various things to offer to everyone, I mean it won’t the same, you won’t necessarily feel like it is making any difference but you’d surprised.

I can’t wait to reach a new milestone, become an owner of property ‘dance’, only work for my passion, that would be something, and having a family; that would really be something, however I am not in a rush.

What milestone has made an impact in your life so far? Do share and perhaps we might end up sharing reveal deeper ideas