Rewind II

Def: To begin again

Let’s rewind

To come back to a moment before you were naked under my skin

Your hands playing a cello on my back

Pause, rewind

To before my chest was the bridge to which your legs were walking on

Bent and crippled like a newly born giraffe

Rewind, pause

Before I left my soul between the sheets of your bed

You captured by sandman’s lullaby

Pause

Rewind

To you being a mysterious book I want to read without licking my fingers to flip the pages

Pause, rewind

Read that last line again.

I want to know you by Reading Lolita in a room were the sun hits my body so well, I get lost in its warmth, or is it just the thought of flipping through the pages of you

Pause. Pause. Pause. Rewind

To you, sitting across me, your eyes trying to undress me

Alas! I love that look in your eyes, like a coin in a mine I can get lost in those big eyes

Pause, Fast forward

To mysterious chapters; canvases so empty God is having a hard time deciding what to paint on it for us

Pause

I am here with a brush, if you want to, please bring paint

I don’t want to wait for God to decide

Pause,

Rewind

Invisible rules

When we fall into certain relationships, we agree to certain rules, some of them we might not necessary agree to but social norms dictate that we should, but I’m me, I’ve been fighting social rules ever since I was a baby, so I am having a bit of trouble.

I have many times in this blog written about relationships, ideas I might have about relationships and difficulties that arise in relationships, it seems however even knowing what can arise nothing really prepares you for when it happens.

So, here is my current story, I find myself in a position where I could pursue a relationship, this is the only platform I can admit that since I can’t admit that to her “she probably would freak out” but in all honesty I look at her, I think of her, and in my stomach it’s all butterflies, it’s true yet somehow it’s all complicated.

If I were to start detailing the whole ‘relationship’ it would take a while to get where I want to get. The summary of it is as follows: We have spent a lot of time together, we had a strong intimate time, just writing about it takes me back to it and I am smiling; we have strong lengthy conversations, it’s quite a match made on earth really, but as I go back it’s rather complicated.

First complication is that I am now far from her, quite far really and already that puts the relationship on edge. As intimate as a person can be with someone over the phone seeing them face to face provides something different; having to converse over the phone all the time gets frustrating no matter how strong the “connection”. I think that factor hangs over us, even if we can admit it or not.

I like the girl, no, honestly I really do, every nonsense about her I like, frankly I don’t care how she feels about me liking her, I liked her before the sex, even more after it. I can assume she likes me too but that wouldn’t be factual unless she admits it.

So, we fought, not the first time, but we did, the most awkward fight really, I am still yet to wrap my head around it. My version of the story goes “she hung up the phone on me after a long conversation. Internally I said “that’s rude” but I laughed it out. She calls me minutes later asking what happened? I say, you hung up the phone. She denies it. We lose connection. She calls again before I send a text saying I couldn’t hear her. She says why am I not picking up. Okay, she says a lot of things, she’s frustrated. I am confused at what is happening. End of version.

Now, everything you read, everything story you’ve heard concerning relationships tells you as a guy you should apologize, that somehow in these sort of arguments you are wrong, and she is right; those are the social rules. However, for the life of me, I can’t. Every fiber in my being cannot let me apologize for something I don’t understand, yes I can apologize for the misunderstanding that occur, but does that solve the bigger issue at hand? The issue remains that I don’t understand what the fight is about, yes, I am being logical, in a situation where perhaps I should look at it emotionally, which a part of me is, but it’s still a problem.

In an odd way, it seems we have reached a tipping point in our boiling pot of emotions. Neither of us is willing to acknowledge what is happening between us. I can acknowledge it individually as I am right now, admitting that I do have feelings for her, but I don’t think it would be a great idea to say it to her.

I am dying here; this is my form of release. To make myself feel better, to express deeply felt emotions I write them all down. I don’t think I am looking for a certain answer/solution, I already know the solution, but I can’t apply it, so what does it mean? Does it mean the relationship is declared none existing? How do I get myself to do something that I don’t believe is true? Would that not count as me emotionally lying?

How fair are these social rules that we must adhere to without necessary agreeing to them? I haven’t been in a relationship for a long time; rarely does a person find someone they connect to so well.

So there it is, my struggle. What other existing social rules do you find yourself in that believe are a challenge?

“You’re such a nice guy”

This is one of those statement you live as a guy not wanting to hear really, especially from a female who interests you, similar to how there are words that make women’s vagina dry when you tell them to her like “I don’t have money” fuck such a stereotype.

Anyway you’re such a nice guy is probably equivalent to being a dick dropper; I mean if there is ever such a thing as a dick dropper, let’s be friends is definitely one, I’m sure.

The penis just coils up and shuts the door saying “well you’re on your own on this one bro”

I don’t blame it really, windows, curtains, and all the door, not only that your heart probably breaks a lottle, it’s like a little but a lot

I can’t tell you how much I am laughing as I write this l because I am thinking of so many time I’ve probably have come to hear that statement; I just re read this line, and I laughed even more

“You’re such a nice guy” everytime it is said I ask myself the question back, am I a nice guy? Why the fuck am I a nice guy, fucking hell; My brain has learned to automatically laugh every time I hear those words; sometimes I want to scream out “I am definitely not a nice guy, I’m just nice to you, cause I like you” but that sounds like a pick up line, which would contribute to me being a “nice” guy.

There’s that line ‘nice guys finish last’ I am definitely tired of finishing last, this is not me admitting I am a nice guy, this is me just saying it happens too many fucking times, that it’s frustrating.

I get it though, some women generally feel your “niceness” and want to keep it around them, that they fear if anything sexual or relationship related were to happen, she would loose it all, meaning you, and that’s okay.

Damn it, doesn’t make it anyless frustrating though. However as much as I hate you’re a nice guy; it has it’s benefits; One of them is you get to keep these awesome people around you. I’ve had a lot of women around me who I don’t fuck with, I can honestly say some of those relationships have been very fulfilling.

There’s a lot you can get from seeing a female other than a object of sexual desire. I mean of course there would be times I admit to myself that “damn girl, you are fine as hell”

I have been able to ask some of these girls close to me questions I’d probably never gotten to ask.

You’re a nice guy is a horrible statement, close to “let’s just be friends” as I mentioned

I don’t want to friends though, I want you! You’re single, I’m single, let’s be single together

Why do we have to be single apart though?!

Anyway, there are a lot of lines dropped on us as humans of sexual nature or social nature that puts us in our places whether we want to or not!

“You’re over-qualified” “You’re too young”
“You don’t have enough experience”
“blah blah blah”

What words have been used on you? Even if it’s the same words, how did you take it, like a champ or like a weasel?

I am here with my nice guy ears, waiting to hear your intellectual nonsense

Kissing Anxiety

Kissing maybe one of the most exciting things to do sexually, I mean it’s the gateway to almost everything; it’s quite amazing, but it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Kissing Anxiety refers to the “fear” of not knowing when to/go for a kiss.

In the past I have gotten myself in what I believe to be “sexual” situations but failed to take advantage of them. I know this because I would that guy that sends those already too late “I should have kissed you text” a redundant text really

I sent those a lot when I was younger, and I thought when I was more matured I’ wouldn’t have to send those because I would have had an understanding and knowledge of when should I kiss her, but I was wrong.

So, here is my topic or rather posed question. When is the right time to kiss her or him, I am not sexually discriminating at all, I am sure girls suffer from this as well, maybe not as much.

When is the best moment to kiss her/him? I’m talking about first time kissing here. I asked this question that seemed stupid but smart at the same time. Which kiss is preferred? The spontaneous feeling the moment kiss or the asking, can I kiss you?

This one young lady ‘It’s a trap’ I asked told me both are quite delicious. Spontaneous is hot, surprisingly exciting, but asking can also be deemed romantic.

Damn it!!!

So both kisses have high potential of being amazing but also high risk of failing. The response “what are you doing?” when you try to kiss someone who doesn’t want to be kissed is awful, yes, I’ve had that one unfortunately, it sucks, hell it sucks. Furthermore, the NO, why? response from can I kiss hurts as hell; luckily I’ve never had that one, but I’m sure it sucks if not awkward.

So, when is the appropriate time to kiss him/her. We all need to agree that first kisses are hard and scary because you don’t know.

You don’t know if it’s going to work or not; what if she doesn’t like you that way, she only sees you as a friend or after you kiss, are you expecting to go all the way?

At the end of last year, I experienced the spontaneous kiss moment, actually I was definitely sure it was going to happen. I was talking to her and we clicked so well my brain was telling me I have to kiss this girl at the end of the day, I was scared of course, honestly I was and I didn’t know when it would happen. Should it be one of those quick ones when she’ gets into her taxi or what…

Then it happened, we were talking leaning against the tree, the weather was cold, you could see our steam from breathing. We got closer to each other, I think both of us knew we were going to kiss and then we did, it was exciting, thrilling, felt like a child getting ice cream.

After that it became easy to kiss her, even randomly. My point being there are absolute moments were you can feel sure, and there are moments were you’re uncertain because the person isn’t giving the kiss me energy…. but you really want to kiss them

What do you do? And if you don’t do it and later you find out you should have, what exactly do you do? Fucking terrible right?

I really didn’t think at my age I’d be suffering from such an issue, I should know better, well, that’s not true is it, there are lessons to be learnt in every experience, no matter how experienced you may be.

However the question remains how do you know when to kiss her and which kiss approach is the best one? Let’s have a little vote, which might help, maybe…

Has my sexual pleasure/satisfaction been a lie all this time?

This is not new news, for years science among many things has made the claim that men’s highest peak of sexual satisfaction comes from having their butts “played” with, not necessarily our butts but a section close enough to the butt.

I suddenly, randomly had a thought on this today.

If we are going with logic it would mean that many “heterosexual”/men/ have not experienced the full pleasures of a pure orgasm. We as men who refuse to have our butts touched even by our own partners, myself included have not experienced what a true orgasm feels like?

So, what have we been experiencing all this time? I don’t know, however I do have ‘some’ support for the claim. I remember I would have conversations with my exes were I’d point out how most women fail to understand that ejaculation doesn’t necessarily count as an ‘orgasm’, ejaculation is just that thing that can happen from literally anything, I dare to say from anything; however just like how women take time to reach their orgasm, men sorta have the same mechanism.

By the way I am in no ways saying sex is mechanical, sex is a mixture of a lot of things from the psychology to the physical, that’s a conversation for another day. Anyway my point is that men also have a state they can claim as full orgasm, a state were he has experienced pleasure at its most highest peak, without his butt being involve and then he is ready to release.

I dare to say that I have in the past experienced this type of pleasure; I am not sure if explaining it will give justice,buy My whole body had a jolt like feeling traveling through it, but I would not ejaculate, and then it would finally happen, I felt like my whole insides were being sucked out my body like in a horror film.

A lot of conversations still need to happen when it comes to sexual satisfaction and pleasure; a dialogue on how one likes to be touched or kissed or mentally aroused. People should be at a place were they are not afraid to share their “fantasies” or just the way they want to be pleasured.

I am old enough to understand what gets me going… to understand that I need to slow down at times or to pace up, and this and that. Don’t be afraid to ask questions after a session of sexual pleasure, no matter how good/bad you think you did, just conversate and go again.

I am not sure if I will ever delve into the full experience of an orgasm if it involves my ass being fondled with; I am man enough to say that it will make me feel a type of way. I am very open about my sexuality and the things that I can engage in, but I have my limits and I think my butt as a “heterosexual” guy is were I make my stand… maybe still pondering

What is your view on pleasure? Share, it’s a lovely year to open about a lot of things locked away in Pandora’s sexual box.

Jungle Fever

Now I don’t want you to simply use the term ‘Jungle Fever’ from the movie with the same name by Spike Lee, but I don’t want you to remove the idea of the movie in your head completely either.
 
I was recently watching a new comedy series titled “Woke”. It seems like every network is producing more and more series, a dawn of a new era. Anyway, somewhere in the series, a line during a conversation peaked my interest. One character states
 
” Is it really possible to remove Fetishization in an interracial relationship?”
 
This is the question I want to pose, try to answer and converse around; I mean is it really?
 
I have never shied away from my interest in Asians. I’ve always found them quite attractive. I don’t know why, maybe that’s why I am writing this today.
 
Now I come from a country were race is very tricky; tricky as in people, mostly, never shy away from showing you that they are a different race from you, or see themselves as superior to you; but who cares about that now.
Well.
 
That perhaps is where some ideas of Jungle fever begin. The idea of having something outside of self, having someone that represents a different race than yours; the indulgence of a forbidden fruit.
 
I’ve had plenty of friends who were of different races from my own. However, I never felt that they were any different from anyone else, however, it doesn’t mean that others did not look at me differently. I was always the guy who’s always walking with the Indian girl or the white girl.
 
Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone of different race without fetish ideas having infiltrated your thoughts?  Uhmmm unlikely. Yes, you can be in love, you can be head over hills over this boy or girl, but somewhere deep in your conscious you always wondered what it would be like to indulge in the nectars of a different race.
 
I remember when my friend, who is black came to tell us how he had sex with a white girl. Yes, we were excited, I simply cannot understand why, but it felt like we were part of that experience. Almost exciting as a friend telling us he had a threesome “The belt”. Another time the friend comes and tells us he slept with a Spanish girl, if it wasn’t going to be weird we would have gone out for drinks to celebrate that day. All I can say is imagine what happens around the campfire; that was us listening to the juicy details of our friend… yes. You cannot blame us however, Latinos have been abundantly tagged as having one of the most, if not, the sexiest women of race in the world.
 
We are all somehow intrigued by different races. We could perhaps have been sold ideas by the media, but jungle fever has us by the genitals. Do you see what I did there?
 
Thinking about it now makes me wonder if my fear to kiss my old friend who was white was caused by this. If you’re a regular reader, you know who I am talking about. It makes me; wonder if my fear to kiss her or be with her laid on the fact that she was “white”.
 
If I am being honest I will say yes. How does one be in a relationship with a white person??! That was me back at that time. At the time that I am in now, I find myself curious. I find myself wanting to interact with different races more so I can understand if they are different from black women; interact in conversation in case that comes out wrong, which I am reading it does.
 
So far there’s nothing much different except for the fact that people tend to have expectations if you’re not the same as them.
 
So the question rather remains intact. Is it possible to remove fetish ideas when getting in interracial relationships? Even in one night stands? Lord know I’ve looked at different coloured women and said to myself I wonder what it would be like to be with her? I’m guilty of being human, sue me!
 
My colleague, when I asked her, said that was why she’s afraid to get into interracial relationships. The not knowing if the person is with her because he truly finds her interesting or just wondering what it would be like to be with a black girl?!
 
According to another colleague of mine, it’s not possible to entirely remove fetish ideas from interracial relationships. Some individuals actually get into the relationship because the other person is a different race. The other person being a different race is a factor.
I am in no way taking love out of these relationships; that these individuals do not love each other. All I am stating is that sub-consciously or even consciously interracial relationships include a fetish factor in them. We get into them because we are curious, intrigued about being with a different race/culture/tradition.
 
What is your take? Can we remove one from the other?

Senses

I have been thinking about my senses lately; the things I’ve experienced through my senses. I don’t think these writings are complete but they give off a certain idea about the stupid things I let my senses indulge in. I think in future to get to know someone, I will surely ask them their fav senses, and I hope after you read you can share what intrigues your senses too. Make coffee or smoothie or whatever drives your fancy.

1.Decibel

The unit of Sound is decibel. I learnt that in high school.

Sound is everywhere even in silence.There is sound. Even when you close your ears and eyes as tight as you can, you can still hear sound.

In sleep there’s still sound in my dreams. I am in love with different noises and sounds.

I love the sound the drain makes when it’s sucking up the last bit of water; it turns into a vacuum.

The sound of cash as it ripples through the ATM, who doesn’t love that. I love the sound of old music, it has the ability to awaken memories, moments that can’t repeat.

The sound of argument amongst the gents in the hood. Always makes me shake my head in laughter.

I love the sound of air when I am on a bicycle with my eyes closed; it makes me feel like I am flying, if not in a movie.

I love the sound of cracking bones or loosening of muscle when I stretch out. It always feels like my body is breathing.

Yes, I love the sound of old Asian movies, it makes me feel like a young kid waiting to go outside and attempt all those tricks.

I grew up too quickly really.

I love sound, I love noise. I love the noise that occurs during sex. I do, the sound of oooh and ahhh coming from my partner. Pun intended.

There is sound and hearing it makes me feel alive.The sound of pouring rain on my roof at home, it calms me; then the leaking sound that randomly hits face, brings me back to reality.

Then finally, if there’s ever such a thing; my love and hate for the sound of applause. I love giving off that sound but hate receiving it; it always makes me feel weird inside.

Wouldn’t the world be better if we began to listen more than we talked.

2. Sight

The moon shines so brightly; I could stare at it for hours on end, just as I would stare at you.

There are things that bring joy to my eyes. My sister’s face is one of those things. She doesn’t have to speak nor smile, her face is priceless.

Watching bodies dance. There is something about movement that enchants me. It pauses me. I imagine myself in there moving too.

I am attracted to smiles, real smiles that causes wrinkles around the eyes. I’d marry a girl who has a great smile and forever make her smile.

Animation, cartoons. What a sight to see; there’s something about watching these dumb illustrated objects. It brings peace into my old heart.

The sky; the sky is like a clean page where anything can be written. With my eyes I write every fantasy I can think of; I love watching the pale blue sky.

3. Olfactory

There is a certain smell that you produce during sex; it entices me like a moth to light. Science says we produce these sexual hormones that cause attraction. If it’s true, I want to stay in your skin.

After the rain stops, there is that smell that hits at the back of my nose. I want to indulge in it.

Paper, newspaper and that smell from a newly bought novel. That’s the first thing I always do when I get a book; smell all the content in it. So dumb.

Uncle Rajah. Rajah makes me remember watching my mom cook; that smell puts a smile on my face.

I hate coffee, but the smell of it opens up my nostrils like a dog that has smelt smuggled cocaine.

Vaseline, the original body cream, I use to hate it too. My aunt rubbed it on my skin so much I knew I’d be baking in the sun.

Come take a look at this grass Eddie Murphy said… the smell of grass after a trim.

There’s a flood of old memories again playing in my head so quick it’s a marvel film introduction.

The ocean breeze, I can’t swim but I can smell the air the ocean throws towards the shore.

4. Taste

The things I have tasted are not enough, my well is still empty; like a travelling chef I want to taste every meal from every culture.

Taste is never ending; I love the taste of skin. I bite the soft bits of my own skin, if not the one I am sexing. I love to nibble just a bit on skin not with teeth but with the flesh part of my mouth.

There is another part of the skin I enjoy the taste of, it hides in between your legs. This line has been a repeat, it assures me that I love being intertwined, in flesh were bodies are in heat together.

Apples. I have nothing more to say than the name itself. Apples.

Bacon… ahh Bacon an insult to my health, an indulgence for my tongue.

So many things I love to taste, so let me rather write about those that I hate.

I hate the taste of onion. It makes me sick. I mean that literally. If giving up was a taste it would be number one, since it isn’t I hate the taste of earwax. Shut up you’ve accidentally tasted it too.

Taste of badly burnt food, it reminds me of my failure. The taste of ink, yeah, I’ve accidentally had that too

5. Touch

I could never write poetry as good as my favorite writers. They could paint words in the ocean; mine can’t even swim in a pool.

So I decided to write my own words; words that I could laugh at when I read them out loud.

I love the feel of a baby’s tiny hand when it wraps around my finger. It makes me all cute inside.

When I was young we use to clean chicken feet with hot water. After that chicken foot was naked, I’d lay my cheek against it. I love the touch of chicken feet on the cheek. It’s so tender.

Just like nipples our heads have these multiple nerve endings. I love the sensation that I get during a head rub, only when I am lying on top of soft breasts and a beating heart.

Touch. Tender. The pecking and intertwining of lips. I love to kiss, maybe I got too many kisses when I was young, so now I have a curse for yearning to kiss soft lips.

Rain. Rain on my skin. The feeling of rain leaves me happy. Just as hearing it leaves me feeling calm.

I am not ticklish, except on the sides of my body; I discovered this when I was young. No, I’m not a virgin, just ticklish on one place.

The feeling of the dance floor as it plays with my skin. I love the conversations that the floor and I have… the possibilities, the discovery and injuries.

If there could be one last thing, I love the feeling of hand holding. There is a just something about it

There’s probably billion of grammatical errors, I apologize. As Dave Chappelle once said if you’re standing too close to the elephant, all you see is it’s penis like skin.

What makes great sex? What is great sex?

This is my second writing in 2 months related to sex? It could be my psyche telling that I’ve gone perhaps too long without it; 5 months is long, OMG! Well, I am in a foreign country, it’s going to be a while. Okay, let’s get to business or pleasure; See what I did there? first of all, answers to the above questions come in floods, quite a lot of different answers I got from the people I asked, and of course using my own experience, the answers as many as there are, there are certainly commonalities within them.

I have had quite a few sex(ual) experiences in my life, more than I thought I would have when I was young; honestly I didn’t think I would sleep with as many females as I have in my life, of course I shall not disclose that number; it’s not a hectic number, I’d like to think I am not a whore, but that’s another question we should ask ourselves; what defines a whore? Is whoring not supposed to refer to sex plus remuneration? Unless I am mistaken? However, in this changing world whore has been redefined.

Anyhow, I wanted to explore this question of what makes great sex? In my fair share of sexual activities, I believe I have had moments where I would refer to the sex as being great. Of course, I think we should all engage in sex to make sure it becomes a great experience, but we have our bad days, don’t we? Sometimes you just don’t feel it, and it could range from a variety of things.

I certainly have had those days too, sometimes, honestly were I was bad, performance not at its peak; then you hope you can have her again so you can redeem yourself but it never happens again; I mean why would it; it would be like giving an assassin a chance to kill you again after they missed their shot. However, come on, let me redeem my strokes, no can-do baby doll. Don’t you just hate that, being unable to repair that bad sex you gave, especially with someone you wanted.

Anyhow

The answers I was able to get from those I asked prove something I was expecting, that being, there is so much pressure on male performance in sex than there is on females! Yes! The guys have burdened themselves with this pressure of having to perform and lasting longer, that lasting longer automatically seems to be a factor in defining great sex, it can be; unfairly there doesn’t seem to be much pressure on women as long as the legs are open, and “they” are enjoying it.

However of course they are individuals like myself and others who are flipping that script, who “require” the woman to be equally performative during sex, I mean we are both enjoying this experience, you are getting something out of it, so make it worth my while as well.

So, here we are, trying to answer this (these) questions about sex. I realized that ‘Genitals’ hardly play a role, I mean there is that percentage that it contributes as some highlighted, however, it’ barely scratches the surface.

So big penises, tight vagina, it doesn’t really matter, it all comes down to what can you do. You probably have read a lot on how to be great in bed? How to perform better? Sexual position? Or watched a lot of porn to be get inspired; Out of all those I mentioned it’s fair to state porn doesn’t help much realistically; Every sales person exaggerates about the product a little bit so you can buy it; Porn sells sex, and sometimes very well; the storylines though need a fix up.

Where was I? Per usual in these blogs I write, I like reflecting on my own experience and it won’t be any different with this writing. In my defence, I was young during these times, however given the opportunity, I’d still engage in the acts; in fact, I still have a lot of sex in me that I haven’t explored yet.

I’ve had sex on public stairs, public loos, I’ve had sex on the roof, other places I can’t mention; I’ve had sex on top of a table (My partner being dinner), by a tree, in the shower (location). All these experiences satisfying in their own way. Yes, of course in between if I am honest there were those that I didn’t enjoy very much, why? I think it’s the common factor that I was able to get from everyone when I asked what makes great sex.

I remember how thrilling the quickies I had with my ex were; I recently read a meme that read “quickies” are important in life, and honestly, I cannot deny that fact. Quickies offer this exciting release between two people; sure, at most times the guy is only person that comes, but thing about quickies is, it’s not about lasting long, it’s about enjoying that short intimate penetration between two the two of you.

My ex would be on her way home and I’d see her ass and just want her right in that moment, I mean it happens, then boom! Her skirt would be up and against the wall both of us in ecstasy. Surprise sex can count as a quickie too, and damn is it exciting! I remember one time she just walked in, probably a bad day. No hello really, kissing happened. My clothes were taken off instantly, she pulled up her skirt and sat on me and rode me like crazy, I was bitten that day too. Yes, great sex it was.

Moving on from those images, having sex on the roof was one of the most exciting sexes I’ve had, again the question remains what made it great? With this one, a lot of elements made it great, besides location, one factor being it had been dragging along for 2 years. It was written in both our minds, hearts and genitals that we wanted to have each other.

Yes, ladies and gents, there it is that important element that makes sex great, that is, desire.

DESIRE that is reciprocal.

Reciprocal of course means what it means, desiring each other, that your desire for each could move the earth itself. You could say “but JC, you can’t have sex with someone you don’t desire” well you’d be quite wrong; it’s possible for desire to be one sided; People have meaningless sex quite more often than you’d think.

However, when you desire to satisfy the other person as much as they desire to satisfy you, sex rather becomes something else. Let me be clear, being curious doesn’t really count as desire; being curious about someone can be one sided, unless that curiosity is reciprocal then perhaps, but it’s questionable.

When you desire to satisfy someone as much as they desire to thrill and satisfy you there are no limits to what can happen during the sex you have. People sex is nice, it really is, if you’re willing to let yourself go and enjoy it.

So, desire, let’s place desire as the number factor that makes great sex, and then coming next to that is positions/style that your partner gets into. I want to believe this is the only time that styles/positions can be considered as a factor to great sex. Yes, positions by far contribute to great sex. You know there’s that position he puts you in or that position she gets into that makes it feels like heaven is on earth… Yeeyyyi!!!

Yeah, my mind just went quite far right now here be thinking about the positions the people I have been with get into. There are more factors though, if it was just desire, we would be in a problematic world.

Men have been known to look at women sexually, especially when she looks quite attractive, dressed attractively, sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a nice dress; we are a waste, I know. However the one thing no one wants to talk about is how women do the same, you’ve read books, actually you don’t even need to, just ask a close female you know, women are honest to tell you that “Yes, they do check guys out” I have been direct in asking those questions: Ass is known to be an attractive facet for females in men; I think I wrote about this year’s back in one of my post, I remember stating

“Gents, time to work on that bum, you need it for good thrusting”.

So, what is my point? How does this link to great sex; well it’s rather obvious; there is greater enjoyment in sex if your body is deemed attractive. Let me be clear, this is not me saying, you should work out now, be fit, that you are fat, fuck that; all body types are capable to be great sex givers, if your partner/person finds your body attractive there exists a mental satisfaction already without having even touched them.

Honestly, as I keep writing it seems impossible to pin down the exact things that make up great sex, there are many. You can be so beautiful but be whack in bed. You can have a bid dick, and be horrible in using it. You could have a small penis, and still be horrible too, and that’s just a waste; but you could be very great at giving head/going down on her. And there’s another factor that is quite helpful when engaging in sex or creating sex that can be deemed great.

The satisfying of your partner/person without penetration. I spent a lot of time learning how to be good in that department, and of course you always keep learning sometimes during the act, I believe I have gotten to myself were I am confident that using my mouth I can get my female partner to her destination. They say practice makes better.

To have great you need to be able to use these other sexual actions required in sex use hands, use mouth or even toys, just know how to do it. Some of the answers I got on what makes great were “Great foreplay” makes good, great sex. Foreplay is interesting; foreplay is like a chef tenderizing the meat before cooking it. You get the meat to be nice and tender, the meat is able to be manipulated at will after tenderization.

If foreplay is done just right, the results are similar. With foreplay you fuck your partner psychologically and/or mentally. It was Chris Rock who said something along the lines ‘Dick should be a reward that she gets. You tongue ability should fulfil her, then when you whip it out, she’s like OMG there’s still dick’. Again, it’s goes back to the pressure that men suffer in having to perform, damn! We should change the game.

I am not a huge fan of head, however I have enjoyed quite a few I’ve had from the people I’ve had sex with. Head given on a quickie is rather intense and really pleasurable isn’t it. It really gives the words of great sex a vibration. People, great sex is really hard to pin down; As I keep writing I am realizing that there are more and more factors. However, “DESIRE” remains at the top of the scale/rank.

Desire that is reflected makes sex exhilarating. I can recall the many times, I’ve gazed at a partner’s eyes, I mean looked at her and she looks back, and the air changed in the room, even amongst people and I knew I wanted her and she wanted me. It can happen to even strangers in that moment you know, if not later, sooner both of you will be screaming in blasphemy somewhere.

There is one factor I must mention, that contributes in having a good intimate relationship with someone and producing great sex as a result, that is being able to communicate. Yes, that’s another factor, I should have mentioned it earlier, being able to communicate what you want. Even during the act, itself, it can be recommended, if she s/he flips into that position you know does nothing to you, uhmm tell them.

Well, understanding though that sometimes sex does needs sacrifices, that you can let your partner have 1 or 2 positions because they like it, not that it does anything for you, but because it gets them to that state. If you want to try something new with them tell them. Aghh this is turning into me giving sex advice, eeeuuueewwww! I am merely trying to answer what makes great sex!

For me to get a clear perspective I need you the reader to share your thoughts. I am interested in knowing what makes sex great for you, yes, you, the person reading this. I’d really be a fool if I believed I could fully answer such a deep query by myself

What makes great sex for you? What gets you going, don’t be afraid, remember communication is important.

The act of pleasure: Sex vs. Love

Sex without love expresses our lower animal natures, the enemy of reason that should control the psyche. Loss of rational control in sex might still lead to condemnation of casual sex on prudential grounds as leading to addictive promiscuity. But loss of control in sexual acts can be conceived as something good, a release from our ordinary repressed selves and our mundane concerns, and the closest we “come” to unity with another person.

And distinguishing this loss of control in the heat of passion from loss of control over when to engage in sex allows us to see that casual sex need not be addictive. Just as we can eat for pleasure without becoming gluttons, and can enjoy making money without becoming miserly hoarders, so we can have sex for pleasure without becoming addicted (In love/In a relationship).

Sexual desire and love are fundamentally different psychological states. Love is other-regarding, an identification with the loved one’s interests and long-term commitment to further those interests. It is relatively exclusive: we love several people at once, but not a large number. By contrast, sexual desire, although focused on another’s body, is essentially self-regarding, a desire for physical pleasure. And we can have fleeting sexual desires for many others, while there is no fleeting or casual love.

That opening extract is taken from ideas written by Alan H. Goldman, 2019, quite an interesting argument, right? It makes you think, well I have it here because it helps me with what I am writing about today.

What are these ideas of sexual desire and love saying about us humans? About us people, well put simply it means we are forcing things too much, that we don’t need to be in ln love to have sex or fuck each other, desire for our own pleasure is just as good, of course as long as that desire is consensual.

Sex without love is perhaps a bad statement to make, I don’t necessary believe that it exists. When you have sex with someone or desire to fuck someone you un-expressingly are in ‘love’ in a way. You are either in love with their personality, their mind, their physical body, the idea of them in you or most importantly you are in love with your own pleasure, simple as that.

I admit of course that I have engaged in such acts of sexual pleasure, being in it just for the fun of it. Let us be honest with ourselves, for those who are willing to be honest; sex is good, I mean it is great, that idea of being intertwined with another human body brings life to the mind, and you know that orgasm really does the thing.

I apologize for those who have never experienced orgasms, unlike bigfoot it is not a thing of mysteries but like big foot, once you see it, you know you found something precious, in this case, experienced something precious. A nice good electric body shock, like an unexplainable tingle.

Now of course, I haven’t really delved into the topic of this writing sex vs love; in the mist of it, I want to add an interesting aspect, masturbation. Now, there will be arguments on my next statement, by all means everyone must have their own opinion, if you don’t agree, you can consider my outlook on masturbation as an opinion, but I ask you to look deep into my view first, before judging.

Masturbation is quite tricky, without being dishonest, I engage in masturbation, once in a while I find myself in the shower with the warmth of water creating the perfect scenery, yes shoot me for it. Masturbation is what I consider to be sex with self. I have always posed the idea that masturbation offers something that someone else’s body (be it a new body) won’t offer you; time to explore and understand your pleasure needs.

Let me explain more

In the act of self sex, you get to know what gets you going, yes, I know it’ might sound silly, I do think about these things, even in masturbation my mind is in wonder. Anyway, in masturbation you’re able to give yourself time, to think, to understand which strokes get you there quick and which strokes can get you to last.

For females, you get to understand where you want your partner to go in order to get you there or even how YOU will engage with your partner to get yourself there. I have advised a lot of girls in my life to masturbate, I’ve always used the words “Don’t let a stranger know more about your body than you do. You need to know how to make yourself happy…or cum”

There is a however in this whole idea of mine. Now this thought comes off as very controversial, especially since I have taken the stand of enjoying sex, enjoying giving pleasure to my partners and myself.

During these thoughts of masturbations, I have posed a question of: Do we need each other for sex or we just need each other for reproduction really?
Let’s get back to this question a little later, it seems now we are on the grounds of, what is sex vs love or sex and love?

My opening paragraph argues that sex can exist in a plane of just pleasure, that it is a human idea that we put sex and (love) relationships together. There are a lot of reasons why we do that, mostly because of morality, I guess. People are definitely animals, but we don’t want to be seen or treated in such a way.

We want to be in control, at least when it comes to giving our bodies to other people; we don’t want to appear as, uhmm whores, I guess; it’s a social thing. Morality probably trumps everything when it comes to human, so sex while not in a relationship is a high morality to break. The question remains though, can one engage in sex without love or relationship? Uhmmm yes, as so many have done it and quite frankly enjoyed it.

People let’s be honest, most people cheat based on the idea that they want to fuck someone else, simple as that, no ways about it; yes there exists a lot more reasons people cheat I understand, but one of them is that you will get to have sex with that other person. Cheating without a doubt is an act of human nature that shouldn’t be punished, that person just existed for that time outside social morality.

Which brings me back again to the previous question: Do we really need each other for sex or just reproduction? Now be careful how you read this question of mine, it doesn’t come at face value. I am frankly trying to say people can have as much sex as they want with whoever they want, consensually of course, then when they are ready can find someone who is ready with them to reproduce.

Furthermore, my question lies on the plane of masturbation; yes, masturbation is not entirely the same as sex, we can be honest with that, however here is something masturbation offers which in my belief is a rip, a tear in the morality field but fuck it.
Masturbation offers you to have sex with anyone you choose too! Even multiple people at once.

Doesn’t that freak you out? For me it does a little bit? I mean it has too, literally someone as you are reading this could be fucking you in their heads, and fully enjoying it, that’s kinda creepy. You could be in an orgy right now and you don’t even know it. Masturbation breaks that morality barrier, it’s fantasy, so, it’s kinda of okay, I guess.

We have to at least admit it to ourselves that we break that moral ground during masturbation; When I do it, I go to the best sexual experiences I’ve had, so my exes need to know that although we are apart, I still enjoy being with them in my head, it’s a compliment? I think? I have a difficult time imagining someone I have never been with, it just doesn’t get me going, but that’s the thing about masturbation, everyone has their kink.

Sex, love, masturbation vs. Pleasure or rather all these are combined together, it doesn’t really matter; there are over a trillion people in the world, I had a point to make about that stat I totally forgot it. However, I can continue to say, love is important, it really is, for us humans, love makes us feel that we belong, that our reason for existing can make someone else happy.

Sex is important too, it makes us feel ‘connected’, it shouldn’t be used as a tool to hold on to someone, sex is great; so is pleasure, sex without pleasure is just two bodies rubbing against each. In order for us to get pleasure out of the sexes we have and engage in, we need to know our own bodies, we need to know what we want, so explore yourselves, learn about your body, read about it if you have too.

I know, it can feel dirty, nasty, but you don’t know how much you need it, to consciously make yourself reach your own destination is fulfilling.

I think I’m in love, but with your mom

So, I’m sitting across this young gorgeous lady, although she dos protest when I used the words ‘Young’ to describe her; replying with the statement like ‘You’re like 4 years old than me’, uhmm yeah, that makes me older ‘While you were still swimming in your dad’s balls, I was smelling the air of apartheid’. Of course, I only said the last bit internally. Anyhow we are having a conversation, mixture of a bunch of things and then accumulating information in the conversation she blurts outs and says “You love older women” There is a pause, I don’t know why, but there was one.

I denied it of course, on the mere fact that I have never dated an older woman in my life; however, I began to think about it. In thinking about, I became my own psychologist/therapist, that person who sits across you and makes you self-reflect basically, time to put my Psychology degree to use. I asked one simple question “Do I love older women?” To answer that JC let’s go back to the beginning, your early years of attraction. Well doctor JC, it all began with…

1. The girl next door.

Yes, like any young lad, I too had a girl next door crush. Every time I saw her (Zama), I couldn’t help but just feel warm inside. Light skinned, the sun just lite her face perfectly whenever I saw her. I am not kidding even when there was no sun, I felt like when I saw her, those sun rays would just penetrate the clouds and lit her. She was a year or two older than me. Everyone in the hood knew I had thing for her; People, you have to understand, I was living in a typical boy has a crush on pretty girl next door movie. What does a young man like me do with all those feelings except just stare in awe?

Hmmm interesting, go on.
2. Oh! So pretty in high school

In high school there is a flood of beautiful young girls, I guess for me my eyes looked a little bit above. As I am typing this, I am realising I had quite a lot of crushes in high school; sadly, none groomed or photosynthesized to anything (Get it??), even though all of them technically saw that I had a thing for them. There was Nondumiso, I’ll be honest and tell you that I recently googled her or rather tried to find her on Facebook. I have unfinished business with her, I still have a high school letter that I wrote for her, can you believe I’ve never opened that letter. It has been under my bed for over a decade, I kid you not. I was going to confess my long four-year crush on her finally (in matric), she was a year older than me, or two. She was older than me, that I was told, and it was clear as daylight. Nondumiso if you’re reading this, it’s not too late.
Then there was a girl named Punky, it was a short crush really, I think I only liked her because I thought her boyfriend at the time was an asshole and I could do a better job at boy-friending her. She took advantage of my crush on her and made me do her homework, like constantly, I didn’t mind really, she got to sit next to me. She was 1 year older than me.

Then what could possibly be one of the biggest clues on my love for older women, which I still deny is my high school teacher (Mrs Mshengu). I think everyone had a crush on one teacher, if you deny it, it’s fine, I won’t argue, I don’t have proof, but I had a crush on my physics teacher. She took my O2 away; see what I did there? If you didn’t well, uhmm, awkward.

Anyhow, I got happy every time she came to class, and of course if you have a crush on your teacher you have to be good at the subject she taught, I was fair, enough that I was in her radar. In matric, for prom, I asked her to be my date; she said yes. I don’t know how I got those Fe balls?? See what I did there again? It’s science puns people.

So far odds are against me, I know, it definitely seems like I have a thing for older women, however my ground point is that I have never dated anyone older than me. Yes, I have a thing for them, but why?

3. First experience(s)

University for most of us was that place where we experienced a lot of firsts; let me speak for myself rather. The first girl I had a thing for (My heartbreaker), and the first girl I kissed was 3 years older than me, let’s call her Belle. The first boobs I had my face on were from a girl 4 years older than me (not sexual, just a game). Let’s go back to the girl I kissed for the first time. Admittingly I was in love with this one. I still til this day can tell you from head to toe was she was wearing the first time I saw her. Things didn’t work out, she liked women…meeeh that’s a story for another day.

After that, every woman I was in loved with or had a crush on or fling with for the next 3 years was younger than me, if not the same age; until of course, the day I saw my partners Mom; let’s call her Mrs R, for “Robinson”. There is absolutely no way this can sound less creepy than it is, I won’t share all the details, but I had a huge crush on my partner’s mom. There’s no doubt about that, I had a huge attraction for Indians. She was hot!!! I once or twice or maybe a couple of times told my partner that I thought her mom was hot.

Furthermore, my friend’s mom was attractive as well. In my excuse, as labelled above, I had a thing for Indians and both my partner’s mom and friend’s moms were Indian so…technically it shouldn’t count really. Except that my first Indian Crush was a girl named Tasha who was a year older than me. Neesa doesn’t count for those who know me and are yelling what about her!! She has always been my hot, sexy beautiful friend.

Well fuck me twice & sideways… this is getting worse than I expected it to be.
I am starting to believe varsity is a sort of hellish place really. At one point in my life, I had a sugar mama as well in varsity, it’s not as clear cut as it sounds. Fuck it, I should stop this writing. There is a possibility that somewhere deep inside, I do have a thing for women older than me mara deep down, in the pits deep. I can date an older lady; age is just a number really.

I am not exactly sure where it comes from, this innate desire but I have never gotten the opportunity to be in a relationship with an older women; I have gotten myself in situations where I was intimate with some but not in a relationship, it’s quite strange now that I think about it.

At the back of my mind however I go back to a typically used statement: Older women are more matured; they know what they want. There is half truth in that but nonetheless there is truth. If we’re just in it for the sex and the fun older women tend to understand; The world has transitioned however that even young women, well people in general understand that intimate only ideology, quite scary if you ask me, but I am not the one to complain.

So,

Self diagnosis results are ‘hmmm maybe and maybe not, there is no definite proof that the patient has a thing for older women; however, as he has never experienced a relationship with an older woman; We can rather call his symptoms a fascination with the older species of opposite sex’
So, what is are your thoughts? On yourself, not me. Do you prefer certain age group? Certain maturity? What attracts you to a certain age group, or it just happens?