Can one exist without the other: Being faithful vs. Being loyal? (The nginithanda nobabili Complex)

Sex vs. Love

What is our capacity to love? How many people can we say we ‘love’ them and feel utterly satisfied? If one relationship ends and another one builds, who can you say you loved more? But this blog post is not that complicated, these are just side thoughts that I want you as reader to dwell on while reading. As we read, we will slowly be trying to unravel some answers to those questions.

This reading has been at the back of my mind for a long time; what made me begin to write it today, was that I bumped into a status online that read “Even though you were sleeping with married men, do you still wish/pray for a faithful husband?” To be fair we will substitute men with (partner) because let’s be honest to ourselves people, the world is not as clean as it looks, we kinda all have skeletons in them closets.

The statement got me thinking about relationships, specifically two things related to relationships ‘Being faithful vs. being loyal’

What do these words mean? Can one exist without the other? In relationships should we consider these as separate, because there’s that human thing in all of us that yearns? Is it possible to choose one? Which amongst the two hurts more? There are so many questions just for one mind, so at the end, you better have an opinion too.

Let’s break down the two words, let’s be professional, use a dictionary (online).

Faithful (Adj): 1. Remaining loyal and steadfast

  1. true to the facts or the original.

Loyal (Adj): 1. giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution

Now wait a minute, it seems like these words are similar? Faithful definitely links to being loyal, right? So, does that mean these words cannot be separate entities? Well not necessarily. For that I go to another social media status update that famously said “I promised to be loyal but didn’t say anything about being faithful”

These words are quite controversial don’t you think? There is such a thin line in them that it makes you sweat between the bum crack, just a bit. Let’s review what the words are stating in normal social language.

“I promise that if I cheat, I will always come back to you because you are my true love”

“I still love you very much, I just had a moment of weakness/love for someone else”

Let these words sink in, I am certain there exist people who can decipher these words in so many ways, some even better, but that is what the words say.

Faithful vs Loyal

“When a rich nigga wants you but yo man can’t do nothin’ for ya” ~ Brown

Certainly, it is fair to say these words should be glued together, not the lyrics, I am talking about faithful and loyal. The words should exist like bread and butter, however sometimes butter just doesn’t do it, I mean you love butter, you do, but sometimes you want jam or peanut butter or mayonnaise or ham or polony, I really don’t know what people love in between their bread but my point is what is being loyal and what is being faithful? Am I an asshole for even suggesting one can exist without the other?

First of all, I can be an asshole, but this one is not on me, I am producing facts, I am shedding light on to something that already exist; I am just asking people to talk about it and question it.  At one point in her life my mom had two boyfriends at once, I had to refer to the other as my “uncle” not her best moments, but she want still loyal to her initial boyfriend; later in life when I asked her about all that she did, she gladly admitted her faults and told me the guy had been cheating too, so she was like fuck it.

My little brother had quite a lot of girlfriends when he was young, but there was one that the whole family knew, she was ‘Makoti’; a lot of women came and went at the house, but makoti never left. The young man was loyal but faithful he was not. I too honestly have suffered from “the, but I love them both syndrome (infidelity)”, which is something I never thought I’d go through but it happened, I was sincerely in love with both women…shoot me.

My friend had sex with a few women in his life, but you could never rank them higher than the love he had for his girlfriend, admittedly he said these worse which we will soon talk about

“She’s probably doing it too; if she’s cheating/sleeping with someone too, it’s fine, as long as I don’t find out, we are good”

What does it mean to be faithful, and to be loyal?

A few weeks back I actually asked a few random people, mostly women, if they’ve ever been unfaithful to their boyfriends (partners), and with honesty all of them said yes, can you believe that?

Side note: Ya’ll trust me too much with your secrets shame knowing damn well that I am a writer!!

Anyway, including both men and women about 98% admitted that they have been unfaithful to their partners, some to the extent of intercourse. Now I had a follow up questions one of them being “did you tell him/her that you cheated?” the answer of course was

“Hell No!! why would I do that?!!” some followed with these words “S/he is probably doing it too, as long as nobody knows, it’s cool” “The first one to admit that they are cheating will be at a loss”

Admittingly all these people who committed infidelity deeply loved their partners; very stranger isn’t it???? Some I asked why they did it?

“I just wanted her/him” “He looked yummy” “I heard he was good in bed” “We were flirting and one thing led to another” “Just the way he looked at me” Yo! Guys kubi outside, people steal your partner with looks!

Faithful and being loyal??

Let’s dissect the information I have shared so far; there is devastating information in there, one being

“Everyone has a thought at the back of their minds that their partner is cheating” well that’s another word we should review isn’t it, cheating?

Cheating (verb): 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.

  1. Break of trust?

There exist so many forms of “cheating” that I don’t necessarily want to cover all of them up here, but you the reader, you definitely know what I am talking about, if not personally, vicariously, you know.

However, Legend says “It’s only cheating if you get caught” who is legend, and is s/he correct? This brings back the statement made by my friend early who said ““If she’s cheating/sleeping with someone too, it’s fine, as long as I don’t find out, we are good”

You can feel the love in these words, can you not? There is an abundant amount of trust (loyalty) that exists, right? I mean the words still consider the partner as number one lover, as long as no one knows the other one is unfaithful!

Ahhhhh!!! My brain hurts.

Can these words exist without each other? Is there a person out there that exist who doesn’t cheat? What exactly is cheating? Does having a crush or flirting with someone who is not your partner count as cheating? No? so you are denying the idea of emotional cheating? It’s complicated isn’t it? Certainly, if you think it is not, you can state your argument on the comments.

I promise to be loyal but I am not sure about being faithful? Our fathers and mothers, and great grandparents are proof of the existence and legitimacy of this statement. My mother and her sisters don’t have the same fathers; even celebrities have suffered this act of being loyal but not being faithful.

So, are we admitting that this thing exists? That you can be loyal but not necessarily faithful, I am not saying we should be like that, but I am saying, it’s human nature. Sometimes someone just comes and sweeps you off your feet or rather pants, if not skirt; and it’s okay, that moment of weakness is natural and should be accepted as long as you are still loyal? I am putting a question mark because I don’t want to conclude for anyone.

Being faithful vs being loyal, which one is more important? Are you willing to sacrifice one for the other? Is that even a possibility?

What is your opinion? What situation(s) have you been in? Remember you don’t have to be innocent, we all have skeletons really, let the bones come out and dance.



Moving Out of Home.

They say when you are 18 you should move out of your parents’ house. Let me drop a huge laugh and ask, and go where? Ngiyephi bakwethu??


Some transitions are made to look easier in movies then there are in real life. Moving Out of your parents’ house or home requires certain conditions, some of us are not attuned to. Unfortunately, the biggest one among them is race, but I don’t want to make this a race thing, I want to make it a human thing, because we are certainly in times were everyone suffers the same fate.


Primarily this writing will use my surroundings as an example; surroundings of course refers to people I know, friends and family (it’s weird to separate like that, as if friends and family don’t count as people I know), anyway, yes.


I am in my late 20’s might as well say, early 30s since I am a year away from entering my Ted Mosby years. Unlike Ted Mosby, I don’t live in an apartment, I still unfortunately live with my parents, in a way. I do have a ‘job’ that pays the rent, I know however that if times were to get rough, I still have a roof and a “bed” waiting for me back at home; what I basically mean is that I haven’t moved out my parent’s house.


I was one of those adamant people growing up, I told myself by 25 I will have my own apartment at least. Uhmmmm yeah pipe dream that was…hahaha.


I know a lot of my friends and acquaintances who technically still live at home, perhaps it’s the artistic life we chose? Uhmm not necessarily; I know people who are not artist who still technically live at home.


So, my strange question still remains, when does one move out of home? It’s likely that when one gets married they should definitely move out; uhmm well I know some people who are married but have built homes just a few steps away from their mom’s house, worse some still use the room they grew up in to live with their wife or fiancé.


So, we are back here, the question still remains, when is someone supposed to move out of their parent’s house? In my experience, now let me quickly bring race back in here; as a black person, it seems there is no time to move out, especially if you are not well off (monied). If you are broke and at home y’all broke, where are you gonna move to man? My brother and cousins have a number of kids but still live with their mom.


So, this concept of at 18 we must leave our parent’s house is ludacris!!! It really is, at 18 I just finished high school, and about to go struggle at varsity for how many long years, lord knows, and during vacation where exactly am I supposed to go? Home, duh. I guess moving out perhaps is not literal, to an extent.


I want to move out of my parent’s house, I do. I want to make my own rules, I want to have crazy wild sex with my partner, I want to comeback at my own time and want to sit quietly; I simply can’t afford it yet, that’s possibly kinda my fault or the systems fault, well frankly, I am tired of blaming the system now.


The truth though is I never imagined being at the age that I am in, I would still kind of be living at my parent’s house; I definitely don’t want to reach old age still doing that; I want my kids to visit grandma and comeback home with stories rather than being raised by grandma; geez my mom needs rest too, she raised me and my siblings all by herself, give the girl a break.


Anyway, this moving out business is complicated; we got degrees yet there sit under our mattress, same mattress we had so many dreams on, dreams of getting them degrees.


Well f&#k me twice, ain’t that a bitch.


What’s your comment? If you got insight please do share. Remember to stay safe.

Top 5 of the strangest but oddly gratifying things we do

I will be honest right from the beginning, this list is weird, however in that weirdness you’ll find yourself saying “Hmmm that’s actually true I am sure that reaction won’t be for all the things that appear in here, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit to having done them.

Let’s begin to look at intellectual bullshit is on today


  1. Re-eating something that was stuck on your teeth

Have you ever struggled with some piece of meat stuck in your teeth, or whatever you’ve been indulging and got stuck on your teeth? You have that long battle with the substances, a war basically in your mouth region. You get floss which is revolting on its own or a toothpick, and you fight; somehow the fight lingers on and on. After a long battle you finally are able to get that bastard out your teeth…then bara boom, you swallow it.


I know, I am not the only one who has gone through this, unless I am then that would mean I am strange; Frankly I don’t mind being strange. Anyhow, the swallowing of this defeated foe is a declaration of victory in a strange way. It’s a pretty strange act isn’t it though; having struggled so hard to get this thing out your teeth then boom you put it back in your mouth. I am not saying it is never spat out; there are moment where you spit it out, but I can tell you 70/80% of the time if not more you swallow that bastard…and it is utterly satisfying!! As mortal combat would say



  1. Putting hands down your pants.

Can you get your mind out of the gutter please! I don’t mean what you think I mean, but during these times of social distancing maybe I do. Anyhow, when I was young, even my little brother and cousins; we had this habit that my mother absolutely hated of putting our hands inside our pants, not in the pockets but were the genitals live. Now before you jump to conclusions again, no, it was not to jerk off rather it was because it was so warm down there. You probably have tried it, you won’t admit because well you think “you are like waaaay better, well suck it”

We got reprimanded quite a lot for this action, but we…let me speak for myself rather, I couldn’t help it. To be honest now and again as an adult admittingly I find my hands nuzzling down my pants. Just cuddling, pillow conversation, you know. This is one of the most satisfying things to do really. Now do not go and do it publicly, it’s a private thing, when you are by yourself, watching a movie or cold. Think about how when you are cold you place your hands between your thighs, technically this is the same act.


  1. Pulling your underwear/clothing out your butt


Ever had that moment? You know what I am talking about. I swear sometimes it happens at the most awkward moments; You will be walking in the streets with people behind you and baam, you can feel your underwear or clothing nicely tucked in your butt crack.


“Ahhhh curse YOU underwear!!” I wanted to say BUZZLIGHTYEAR so bad.

Anyhow, you try to wiggle wiggle as Jason Derulo says but it’s not that easy. You have to use that hand of yours. So secretly you get that hand and you pop that clothing out that crack. That my friend is satisfying. Your butt is free. You are free. I want you to imagine that moment really, how satisfying it is; you’ve never paid attention to it? This is the moment.

You know when this happens in the streets, clothing stuck, you almost feel like the people behind you can see your clothing is tucked in there

“ahh look at that. His/her butt is eating”

It doesn’t show, relax!


  1. Peeing in the shower

Euuueeewww!!! X 2

Ahh shut up! Shut it! You’ve done it! You’ve released that pee in the shower and it felt good! It felt pretty awesome. You were like Lil’ Wayne…making it rain.

You’ve done it, come on. Agree with me. You are denying it?? Shame on you!

Admittingly I have partaken in this act of peeing in the shower. I wanted to try it out… a couple of times. I was young and in university res, if I don’t experience most my first times in university where else was it possible?!! Pee is water, luke warm water and you just let it all mix together. When it comes to the shower, really there are most many interesting things one can get up too, including…naah let’s not go there, kodwa ke this act deserves to be on the list because it is utterly satisfying.

I actually googled peeing in the shower, you would laugh at the things people say. Which basically means, I am not the only one who thinks of such shit!


  1. Cleaning your ears

I bet you are agreeing with me right now. This one maybe perhaps the most gratifying act you can do. Well, not only is it hygienic but it gives you that feeling; I can’t describe it. All I can say is Orgasm watch out, you have competition my friend. While I am there…orgasm and stuff.

It was the comic Deon Cole, Yeah, Deon Cole? You don’t know who that is? Well he is Charlie in the comedy series Grown-ish which is not a bad show really; yes I watch it, suck it. Anyhow, yes, Deon Cole said he once almost died when he was masturbating and tried to clean his ears at the same time…because no human deserves to feel that good at once. Honestly think about it, yeah I think he is right, one would actually die. If you’re a sex freak like…. mmmm…

If you are, and you can do things with the ears during sex. Give it a go and see the reaction; as the great theatre practitioners said “Action causes reaction” I tell you my friend you do it right. Angels sing. Let me tell you a secret

“Ears count as erogenous zone” what does that mean? Google it!

Now don’t be all sloppy on the girl/boy’s ears.

These are mostly satisfying things to do, I kid you not. Now before I conclude, I have a bonus entry I would like to add. I couldn’t really find space for it in the top 5 but as watchmojo says “an honourable mention” goes to

  1. Just being naked

I know most people don’t like it, and don’t really enjoy being in their birthday suit but I tell you now, being naked is one of the most humanly satisfying things to do. Ahhh the breeze that passes on those balls/ breasts anyone? and the crack of the bum. Being naked is like you are letting the wind bathe you. I don’t even want to mention how awesome this act is when it is hot…and I mean hot, hot…and there you are asleep, naked.

I have enjoyed so many nights sleeping naked, little more than others. I don’t know sometimes when one sleeps naked, you tend to have those kinds of dreams if you know what I mean.

So, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. I am sure in this list you have at least enjoyed one strange thing. If you have not, uhmmm what’s that phrase GO DIE you… I am joking don’t die.


You know what will be satisfying to you as you read this blog post? To play