Pink is not my favorite color

You are often told not to judge a book by its cover, neither can you judge this reading by it’s title too, it may not be what you think it is.

It’s true though, pink is not my favorite, neither do I hate it, in fact it’s the opposite, I adore pink.

Pink is a color that slaps well on me, it’s colorful but not really bright colorful. Yet as a person of certain gender, I am still looked at with squinted eyes.

I was oddly very pink today, hence the writing of this post; pink watch and pink shirt, however my students saw a pink watch and went haywire

“Teacher, you’re wearing a pink watch”

‘Well yes, I am, thanks for noticing, it’s nice right!? ‘

No, teacher, it’s pink!

So. what?

Pink is for girls.

I knew that’s were it was going, I was waiting for them to say that, so I could ask who said that? Well I wasn’t going to get an answer because they just knew only that, they had no idea why they thought it, they had been told throughout life that pink is for girls.

Which in my opinion kinda sucks, more so that I don’t like blue as the color representing men. Who on this god damn earth chose blue as the color, why not black? or grey, something dark and mysterious!!

I’ve never been a fan of social classification or gender roles; that one thing should be done by one gender or another the other, in this case that one color belongs to a certain gender.

I like pink, it’s a freaking, nay, fucking good color, no it is, if you feel a type of way about that, it could be because of all the social madness that has clouded your intellect, but here I am suggesting you try out some pink color, I promise it won’t make you suddenly “change”

Pink, it slaps real nice. That sounds like a good slogan.

Waiting for the beat to drop

The crowd is gathered, horny, high, vibrant teenagers and young adults. Everyone standing below the DJ looking like ants at work; I’m in an elevated position, analysing; these people, us, we’re like water in a kettle, boiling, it’s quite a slow boil but it’s boiling and then I can explaining it as the lid of the boiling kettle lifting off.. as the beat drops and everyone starts jumping up.

Music really does affect us differently as people. As I stood there waiting for the beat to drop, I looked at all these individuals excited, in absolute thrill. I wondered why it was not affecting me as much as it did them.

You have to understand I consider myself a musical whore; In a sense that I can listen to any type of music and get a thrill from it, of course depending on my mood. There I was feeling something in the music, but I didn’t want to bounce like boiling water and lift off like a shuttle to space.

That is the scene at this first club I attempted to join. I’ve never been a fan of clubs really, I don’t think I probably will ever be.

At home, the ideas of club scenery tended to instill a fear of uncertainty for me. Uncertainty of life vs. death, and I didn’t like those odds. You could step into the wrong guys foot or probably dance with the wrong fe/male and then your life is in shambles.

So eternally I stayed away; however that’s not all that made me stay away. I love music, I love people having fun and letting off whatever steam they need to release.

Having to spend so much money is that factor that rubs me off. Why does everything have to be so expensive in clubs? Is a good time suppose to be so expensive. I thought the best things in life are supposed to be for free; I certainly prefer those.

Now the second scene is a bit different. The music still loud that you feel your eardrums vibrating, yes, your eardrums, perhaps thats another thing I’ve never been a fan of music that is too loud. I like the idea that it helps you get more intimate with whomever you might have jelled with… that you can be able to whisper in your “partners” ear, however that’s a disadvantage on its own; technically nobody comes to a club to talk.

Ahhh fucking hell.

I was attempting to see if I didn’t like clubs because of the circumstances back home but I ended up realizing it’s not my scene, and don’t get me wrong I have nothing against people who go there, as I said, I think there are some advantages especially if you’re not going alone.

My experiment had me investigating by myself, which is not a really great idea. When you’re in a club alone, it’s like everyone can see you are alone. As a dancer I could slowly feel the music running through my body but I felt I was dancing out of place, that I seemed desperate, but I was really enjoying it but at the back of my mind, I felt really out of place. So advice don’t go alone to these places.

I met some interesting souls, I loved them, they were fun. Beautiful girls and boys, no, really, the boys were beautiful too and gay I believe; Gay people have such lovely attractive energy, I like it. It’s so much fun to be around that energy.

In every club scene you have scavengers, you can tell; it’s the look in their eyes. You know those people who came to get a lay, maybe that’s another thing that has both advantages and disadvantages; I never really liked the idea of that; but we are young adults, we deserve some fun. Honestly however it looks really creepy to look at women like that, rather have them be drawn to you because you are having fun, your energy is magnetic.

I think these places have their own people and they have found a way to make it work. You know, the ones that sit there and get high, others just looking on their phones, surely made a plan to meet someone here, bad idea really. With my stingy ass, love for music, hate for loud music, love for people, hate for crowds I am confusing.

I certainly love waiting for the beat to drop but I got shit to do.

If you enjoy the club scene please have me look at it in your perspective, let me see what you see, I doubt it will change my mind but experiencing your feelings is something I am interested in.

Courting on [the] line

How do you prove to someone that you’re worth their time and you are hoping they will be worth your time too?

In anytime, a human relationship has always been difficult to create or manage. You have to think and consider all these things that might effect/affect it.

Personality? Interests? Culture? Language, People etcetera. I think it’s the first time in my life I have written the full word etcetera.

Anyway, in creating a new relationship online, whatever format it might take, is difficult. The biggest problem is, perhaps trying to figure out if the person on the other side is interested at all.

Now, I am a kinesthetic individual; every past relationship I’ve had in my life has been created through physically meeting the person. I am good at that stuff, interacting physically. I mean I have a qualification in it.

A relationship that needs to grow over the phone or text is hard; reason(s) being I can’t see the authenticity of the person on the other end. We’ve all laughed on text but not even smiling in reality, it happens.

Am I making sense?

I feel like I’m not being clear yet, perhaps I should make a personal example. I’m currently in a process of trying to build a “relationship” from an online meet. I swiped right, why? Not why am I trying to meet people online, that’s a question for another day.The question I am asking is, why did I swipe right? Well Andrew Stanton best explains it in his Tedtalk as follows

“We’ve all be there, after switching through so my channels on the TV and suddenly you stop on one, it’s already half way, but you watch because you are drawn to it…it’s by design”

Same thing as well, I found myself stopping, after countless swipes, I stopped at this image. Nothing written, just images that seemed to have a conversation with my eyes and I was curious, turns by out chance? it was the same on the other side.

So we talked, yet, here I am writing. Why am I? Well there’s this heavy feeling on me. I don’t know what emotions the person on the side is going through, if there’s any at all? There’s no way I can tell; it’s awful.

If a physical interaction has occurred I promise I’d be feeling lighter on my chest, but it’s heavy damn. My biggest problem is that I am feeling like I am doing too much? I feel that way because I don’t know yet know which route this relationship will take.. I could be busy interacting like it’s going to be a novel, but the other person only sees a short story; Could be seeing the relationship as just a movie, but the other person sees a series full of ups and downs.

Na’mean?

So, how do I talk? It’s not as if I am getting much either; Is that perhaps a sign? or I am over thinking?

I could go online and read manipulative advice from those who have gone through it, but then it wouldn’t be me acting the way I act. So ultimately the way to go is just doing what I would do and hope for the best? Another thing that I could possibly do is ask myself’ What do I want?’

Frankly I don’t seem to have a straight answer and that’s where the issue lies; not being able to figure what exactly I want…

Damn that’s kind of scary.

What’s your advice? What has your experience been, if you’ve ever created some courtship through online “assistance”?